Teen Forum Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: South East Texas
This will sound harsh, I know...but I really do know where you're coming from.
Its time to move on. I know you miss your mare, and its ok to miss her, but you can't let that get in the way of you bonding with and enjoying horses, and you can't let it hurt you by making you so upset that you cry three times a day every day.
How do you move on? That isn't so simple. It is something you'll probably have to figure out for yourself. You may need to take photos out of your room over her for a while. You may need to just sort of let her go and accept that she's with someone else now. It hurts, and its not fun, but its what you have to do to feel better.
I sold my mare and my filly and nearly the same time last November and December...so I've been horseless, completely, for about 4 months as well. The mare I'd known and trained since she was 7 months old, and she was 5 at the time (turns 6 this month actually). The filly, I rehabbed from starvation and felt extremely bonded to. I poured my life out into those two. Letting them go was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I knew they were going to good homes, and the mare was going to love her new job. I knew the filly's new owner would love her and care for her the way she deserved, and even better than I ever could.
But that doesn't make it hurt less. I chose to step out of the horse world for a few months after selling them so that I could 'deal' with it better. It felt like it helped me, because I didn't think of them much, but when I got back into horses by chance (I sort of had a project dumped on a friend and I), I realized just how much I still miss them. I never really cried over Kenzie, my filly, leaving...not even when she was obviously scared to get on the trailer and leave me, but this week has been hard when I've seen and worked with horses that aren't mine, and I remember what it was like to have her. I can't bear to look at pictures right now, because they make me wishful for things I can't have.
What I have had to do, is tell myself that it is out of my control now. I can't do anything about her any more and I need to just trust, hope, and pray that she'll be cared for correctly and lead a wonderful life. It doesn't make me STOP missing her, but it sort of makes me come to terms with reality, and open myself up to be willing to make friends with new horses.
Maybe that is what you need to do. You aren't betraying your mare by liking this gelding, and you need to recognize that every horse is going to express itself differently and bond with you differently. Some may take a while for you to 'get' them. That's how my first mare was, whereas with my filly, you just couldn't help but love her. Look for the good things about your gelding, and don't wish that he was worse behaved that he is. He's a good boy in his own right. I think if you open up to accept him for what he is, you'll find it a lot easier to like him.
Everyone in your life is meant to
be in your journey, but not all of
them are meant to stay till the end.