A Hundred and One Weirdos...
   

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A Hundred and One Weirdos...

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        12-29-2009, 01:58 AM
      #1
    Weanling
    A Hundred and One Weirdos...

    Help me build my list of stupid things people have done at you barn or at shows, or quirks that they have that just annoy you! And while we're at it, let's make a list for horses!
    Please, let's keep this thread civil, though. No fighting (unless it's absolutely ridiculous).



    People: (These are all real experiences of mine.)
    • You do not own the arena. The rule is left-to-left, not hog-the-rail. And when you're walking, there's this invisible wonder called the "inside-track". Faster gaits get the outside.
    • It is just plain weird to yell, "WEEWOO! WEEWOO!" in attempts to make your horse go faster.
    • Please stop stealing my feed. Beet Pulp and XTN should not be used to reward your horse, especially in my presence.
    • Yelling "PICK UP YOUR ****ING FOOT!!" will not make him pick up his foot.
    • Please do not run up and attempt to pet/hug my 17.2hh grumpy horse, then proceed to ask why he tried to bite you.
    • Waving a parelli flag at your horse's back legs while he is rearing will not cure his rearing problem. It will make him flip over and make my horse attempt to jump the arena fence.
    • If you call my trainer a c-word because your house's windows are dirty, of course she is going to call you a c-word. Buy a new house, and don't try to take revenge by purposely spooking my horse with a hedge trimmer. (Again with the arena fence jumping attempt.)
    • Yes, I'm carrying a dressage crop. Deal with it, I'm not beating my horse with it.
    • Yes, I did hit him with my bare hand. He did something unacceptable and it's not going to kill him.
    • Centerline is not a racetrack. If you run me over, of course I'm going to ask you what the **** you're doing.
    • You're non-horseperson dad should not be trying to load your confused three-year-old on to the trailer. Please remember to not attach a stud chain over the soft part of his nose, as well.
    • Please hang my horse's hay net up higher than three feet off the ground. He got his foot stuck once, and it shouldn't happen again.
    • If you bring your parelli flag into my horse's stall, of course he's going to attack you. He does not need work on his ground manners, especially when a fourteen year-old girl handles him better than you.
    • Do not give me heck when I tell you that I kicked my horse in the butt to solve his kicking problem. Don't try to make up excuses for your dumbfoundedness when I tell you it worked.
    Horses: (Real experiences between me and Freddy)
    • I do not appreciate when you ignore my leg. You look like a snail, I look like a fool. Proceeding this, I will pick up a dressage crop. This does not give you the excuse to run around like an idiot.
    • Yes, we do have to put on the bridle. Neither myself or the other riders appreciate an out of control racehorse in the arena. So stop curling you upper lip and making faces, and let me put on the bridle already.
    • When you bite me, of course you will have a visit from Mr. Elbow.
    • I am not to be leaned on, for I do not have Donkey-Kong biceps. And don't give me attitude when I let you fall on your face.
    • Yes, we are doing dressage. Yes, I am making you use your body. No, we will not set up jumps today.
    • My helmet visor is not a chew toy for which you use to entertain yourself. My vest is not a kleenex for which you use to whipe your nose nuggets upon. And I am not a scratching post, I will fall down.
    • I don't appreciate it when you throw a buck, change your lead, or etcetera right as we pass the judge.
    • You did not forget how to canter today. Stop making up excuses.
    • The coffee cup is not going to eat you. That doesn't mean you should eat it either.
    • Just because you catch your reflection in the mirror does not mean you should stop and admire how handsome you are.
    • Whatever you are scared of, you do not need to look right at it as we pass by. You have eyes on the side of your head for a reason.
    • When there is nothing on the ground below you, you do not have an excuse to put you head between your knees and spook at it.
    • Small ponies, goats, llamas, and cats will not harm you. The same goes for their poop.
    • Just because I'm small, doesn't mean you can screw around. We've been through this before.
    Now it's your turn, hm? ~
         
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        12-29-2009, 02:13 AM
      #2
    Yearling
    PEOPLE:
    - You're not a trainer just because you buy trained horses and win 8| Srsly.
    - Stop spurring the devil out of your horses!!! This spur trained nonsense is nonsense!
    - Bigger bit does not mean more control, bigger bit = bigger disaster when control is lost. Upside down pleasure anyone?
    - Sliding stops are stressful on joints, but jumping isn't? Please.
    - Just cause he has testicles doesn't mean he deserves them. (human or beast, lol)
    - Designer Dogs = Puke.


    HORSES:
    - You're going to be at least 16 hands of solid muscle someday. You WILL mind your manners, or else.
    - Stop nomming the shank in halter classes. You're pretty, but you can't show yourself, bud. Trust me, when it's 90 degrees I wish you could.
    - I know you're trying to rub your white touch up on me. I knows it =__=
    - You start fights, and I always win. Stop starting fights thanks.
    - Yes, I will cuss at you in a low growl with my teeth clenched. It works. It makes you behave, doesn't it?
    - Dear Arabians, ya'll aren't crazy. The people that own you are, however, generally crazy. I empathize. In that time at that barn, not one of you spooked on me, while you snorted and acted like freaks in the hands of others. I salute your intelligence!
    - Please, stop using your poo as a pillow. PLEASE!
         
        12-29-2009, 02:50 AM
      #3
    Yearling
    People:
    -The pommel of the saddle faces the front. Surely you've seen enough tacked up horses to know you've put the saddle on back to front.
    - The horse is your responsibility, don't try to get others to groom/tack him for you.
    - don't cut me off then tell me off because im "in your way"
    - There is a hose nearby, 3 actually. Don't put your horse away sweaty.
    - All your geldings are not rigs, just because "of the way they act". I've seen them, they are usually dopes with no riggish behaviour.
    - Trail rides are ment to be relaxing, if your going to annoy your horse every stride to get its head down you may as well not be on a trail ride.
    - Your horse was not naughty. I saw no rearing, bucking, biting, kicking etc etc. Acting alert isnt naughty.
    - don't judge me as a 'bad' rider compaired to you on your $20,000 push button horse, while im on my cheap, difficult horse. We've both had to start from scratch and we do pretty well considering.

    That's all I've got for now, I may add more later
         
        12-29-2009, 03:09 PM
      #4
    Weanling
    Oh, I have another few.

    People: (Real experiences, again.)
    • Please do not lunge your horse in the arena when there are other people riding. The indoor round pen, though dusty, is not going to swallow you.
    • Please do not ride in the round pen. The ceiling is nine feet tall, end of story.
    • When there are eight people riding in the arena, please do not try to lead your new horse around on the rail in attempts to get him used to the arena.
    • If you're going to set a jump up, please set it up so that you are not running your green horse (who can't turn or stop) into the wall, or into me.
         
        12-29-2009, 03:58 PM
      #5
    Green Broke
    People (mainly from shows these are mostly comments that I want to say so badly, but I refrain from doing):
    -Beating your horse will not get it in the trailer any faster.
    -I don't care if you think your parents are idiotic fools who know nothing about horses, they are only trying to help so don't treat them like crap, you should feel honored that they want to help you and learn.
    -Annoying me is not the correct way of trying to be my friend.
    -The more you whine, the less I like you.
    -Yes my horse may be conformationally and beauty challenged (ugly) but she's got the right stuff where it counts.
    -Pretty is as pretty does. I don't care if your horse or you are pretty, it doesn't matter to me as long as you act the part.
    -Unless you're going to get up off your lazy butt and get your own horse ready for the show or take care of it, don't complain about how your horse is taken care or how it looks. If you don't like it, do it yourself.
    -No, I don't know where (insert item here) is. If you can't find it and I don't know, you'll just have to deal with it. It will turn up eventually.
    -Put your dang cell phone away. You are sitting on an at least 1,500 lb animal that is so much bigger than you, has a brain of its own, and could easily kill you without meaning to. You need to focus. I don't care if your boyfriend or girlfriend is breaking up with you, it's not going to matter if your dead or have brain damage.

    Horses:
    -Biting my chest or the bridle is not going to help me get the bit in your mouth any faster. Neither is biting my butt as I climb on going to help me get on you faster.
    -Yes I just slapped your nose, biting is not necessary.
    -Why are freaking out over a rock when a helicopter doesn't even faze you?
    -Fly spray will not kill you.
    -I'm angry right now, so do not try to make me smile by looking cute.
    -Any other time you want to be outside, but as soon as I put you out, you want back in.
    -Laying back your ears and threatening me will not get you your food faster.
    -Just because your still intact doesn't mean you have to act the part. I have the power to change that just like that *snaps fingers*.
    -It is possible to poop and walk at the same time.
         
        12-29-2009, 04:06 PM
      #6
    Banned
    People:
    -If I am paying to board at your faciliutys, it means I get to ride in your arena. Don't tell me to get out and demand me to saddle up when someone that's paying $10 to ride in it for a while comes along.
    - When I am paying you board for my mare in a stall, you sure as heck should make sure the stud doesn't get out and get to her like he has tried to do before, and at least tie a rope around her latch like EVERY OTHER mare has except mine! I WILL make you pay if she gets pregnant with your ugly stud that you can't afford to geld!
    - I will do what I want at your boarding center. I pay, I signed the release for, so don't go telling me to saddle up and "ride already".
    - get your crazy arab that has to have 2 men with stud chains lead him into the arena to run a barrel pattern while rearing OUT OF HERE!
    - I expect my stall to be clean, and not have my horse standing in 3 inches of mud, poop and pee.
    - when I hang my horses' halter on her stall with her rope and chain, I do not want it gone the next day, taken off the door and used for your other horses! I paid for it!
    Horses:
    -It's just a mini pony. They aren't all evil.
    - We are going where I want to, not you.
         
        12-29-2009, 09:13 PM
      #7
    Weanling
    We're getting some good ones! Keep them coming, hm? ~
         
        12-29-2009, 09:23 PM
      #8
    Yearling
    Quote:
    I don't care if you think your parents are idiotic fools who know nothing about horses, they are only trying to help so don't treat them like crap, you should feel honored that they want to help you and learn.
    ohh I've seen this one alot!!
         
        12-29-2009, 09:49 PM
      #9
    Weanling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by thunderhooves    
    -It's just a mini pony. They aren't all evil.

    My mom's poor horse almost had a heart attack when she saw her first mini!! He was a tiny black really fuzzy pony, adn she was sure he was planning to eat her.
         
        12-29-2009, 10:45 PM
      #10
    Foal
    People (personally experienced these):
    -Just because you convinced everyone else you know stuff about horses, doesn't mean you really do. Its dangerous for you to even lead your unsocial horses in the ring. How about getting them trained. Better yet, give credit to the people who actually do train your horses because we all know you won't
    - How about instead of asking everyone else around you for flyspray,hoof black, etc.. try getting your own supplies. I realize you are tight for money and we really don't mind lending you the minimal things but seriously it doesn't cost that much and if we do let you borrow it... DON'T USE 1/2-3/4 OF THE PRODUCT.
    -Why don't you try winning the right way. Not sleeping with/paying off the judge to win. If you'd take the time to work with your horses instead of buying more just because "the babies are cute" maybe you'd have something. You'd deserve to win instead of just being looked down upon.
    - I don't believe in the "do anything to win" concept nor to I tolorate it. I don't find it particularly funny to pull my mare's shoe off just to try and keep us from hitch class becuase you know we're better than you are. Its called WORK WITH YOUR HORSE MORE THAN JUST ONCE OR TWICE A YEAR!
    - Thinking you are an awesome shower because you have a ton of ribbons from classes that your horse was the only one it. It doesn't make you anything, other than someone who's afraid of competition.
    I'll probably add more as I think of them
    -
         

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