Husband only wants me to lease and not buy my own horse, advice please

Hi Everyone,

This is my first post on this forum and I am happy to be here!

After many years of taking lessons, researching, obsessing and a lease here and there, I am finally financially secure enough to buy my own horse.

Here's the catch... my husband is not fully on board. Although he is fully supportive of me taking lessons and part leasing (despite his deadly allergy to horses), he thinks it will be too much to take on. He is worried about the time commitment and finances.

I have generalized anxiety disorder and horses seem to be the only therapy that provides 100% relief.

I'm in the mid 30's, have a great full time job, daughter is almost 4 years old and loves horses too, everything is just right! There is a full board barn within a two minute drive from my house with great facilities etc.

I am now starting to really "massage" him into being okay with this. Any and all advice will be greatly appreciated, and let me know if I need to provide more information.

I would suggest that you do up a full budget of your average monthly income and expenditure along with a budget for what would be required to care for a horse adequately. (Don't forget to budget in some savings for emergency vet care, or consider insurance).

Then I would explain that going to a full board barn gives you the advantage of being able to take off for a few days without worrying about your horse's care and gives you the lee way to spend LESS time at the barn if required for emergencies or what have you.

I was in a similar situation, with my fiance who is also allergic to horses and considers them to be the most expensive hobby imaginable. So I broke down everything in a way that made sense to him and as long as he wasn't going to have any actual responsibility for the horse himself (ie having to decide where to keep it or how to feed it etc.) and he knew that I would take care of everything, he agreed that we/I could go for it.

WELCOME!b I totally understand what you mean about horses being your anxiety relief. I have anxiety brought on by PTSD, and being with my horse is my daily dose of therapy. She brought me out of a massive depression, helped me cope on my new meds, gives me a place slow down, a companion who doesnt need to talk to understand, she just reads me.

I can't ride if i'm mad, or anxious. She feels it, and gets really grouchy and refuses to go nicely. She gives me the motivation to keep myself under control and not rely entirely on meds.

There are centers set up specifically geared towards people with anxiety using horses for therapy. It might be good to show him a little research on that.

Also, if your sharing the expense of the horse, it might be good to find something he would enjoy doing with whatever animal you buy. Maybe he can learn to ride or drive, that way it could be fun for him too.

Hope it works out.... good luck!!!

How do you feel about it? Are you sure you really do have the time?

What about finding a suitable lease horse who comes with an option to buy at the end of the lease? Lease him for a few months, develop a routine and really see if you can spend the time and money. That way if you find out its too much, you can cut down your lease or something but you won't be stuck.
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Men always seem to bring up the money aspect. The next time he puts the brakes on, tell him you've been thinking about staying home full time -to be with your daughter during her formative years and that you are willing to give up your horse lessons. Believe me he'll be doing a rapid calculation of what losing your income could mean. Let him think about it for a while, days if that's what it takes but every once in a while let him know how you are looking forward to staying home. Voice of experience.

Thanks for the advice, keep it coming : )

My plan was always to buy my horse and then lease it out 2-3 days a week so that I don't have to ride every day, that also helps with the expense. I think the lease to own is probably going to be my best bet, thanks for that suggestion!

That being said, can one actually lease a well trained, sane and healthy horse on a lease to own situation?

I would be looking for a warmblood type that I can do dressage and/or hunters with.

I feel similarly. A daughter of 4 will take a lot of your time. And owning a horse means much more stress in that you must make all the decisions and bear all the responsibilities , such as vet decisions and such. Leasing has its' advantages.

It sounds tricky.

While you obviously have to consider him, you also have to consider yourself. Relationships don't mean giving up what you want, it's the whole partnership thing.

With full board there is no "required" time as they take care of the horse - you can go when it suits you. It also has the benefit of, besides the extras such as farrier (which are predictable), you have a pretty clear budget (bar emergencies) - no regular surprise costs. So, personally, I don't see why it would be a problem time wise.

As for money - do you share everything or do you have a "spending" amount for each of you? Perhaps you can split it up, you have a certain amount for your horse, and he gets the same amount to spend on whatever he likes as well.

I also wonder, why would leasing take any less time and money than a horse you own? Still same care and costs. You just have a horse that you don't have to worry about losing, and can work with and improve with.

I don't know - from my experiences I am just a bit anti-lease. If people have a good horse most of the time they'll sell it - so a lot of lease horses that I've known have be relatively untrained and out of work, because the owners value them too highly to sell at a lower price.

It sounds like you haven't full leased before, maybe you could start with a full leasing and ease into buying? That way you and your husband would know exactly what the time commitment/money commitment is before having to have all the responsibility. Riding 5-6 days a week, working full time, raising a kid, and juggling home responsibility can be a lot. I do all the above without a kid and it can be challenge. A lot of time I have to turn down plans with my friends because I have to take care of my horse after work or on the weekend.

However, if you are able to pay for the horse and paying your share of the bills (not sure what you and your husbands finances are) I think he should let you do what you want to do.

Edit: I see that you are thinking about buying and 1/2 leasing your horse out. Just so you know it can be difficult to find a leaser and in my experience a lot of them are flakes, which could leave you with the full board bill when you least expect it. Creating more stress for you and your husband. I have found some people are leasing because they don't really have the money, or time. Also leasers usually come and go rather fast because the horse may not be what they wanted. Also be careful that you find a leaser that knows what they are doing or are taking lessons when they ride. Otherwise they might create a lot of problems with the horse that you will have to deal with. Sorry to bring out the bad side of leasing, I just wanted to share my experience. However, I am sure their are some great leasers out there and if you go that route I hope you find one. If not it sounds like 1/2 leasing someone else's horse may be the way to go for you. A lot of trainers have fabulous horses for lease.

When I was a teen we could "half board" a horse, often the BO's horses and we had the horses to ourselves. The great thing about this was that I'd ride one horse for a while and then I'd switch to another. It really helps a rider improve their skills. There were a few obstinate ones but if you can master them you can ride almost anything. Altho I desperately wanted my own horse then, when I look back I wouldn't have learned half as much as I did by leasing.