Well, it's not that I am really mad at myself, but maybe mad at life in general. Here's why:
Yesterday I took Zulu out for a trail ride. I keep trying to string together enough riding on him to build up the physical strength to ride him well. He's a 17 hh Irish Sport horse. His movement can be really big, and sometimes, really hard and flat (like a jackhammer!). So, it takes a toll on the rider's body.
I am almost 55, kind of short and more than chubby, downright fat! I have been active even while overweight and consider myself a decent all around trail rider. But, twice I almost bit the dust off the 17 hh giant. Once when he spooked and almost bolted right out from under me (so rare for him), and anotehr time, when I decided to take the last hill home at a wee gallop (as we often do) and he jumps sideways and stops at the top, nearly projectileing me into the hard ground.
Whew! I was glad I didnt' fall, but it just makes me mad that I am getting old, just when I am starting to develop the skills to ride! It's like, my skills are going up, but my body is failing me, and day by day, it becomes more risky for me to do the big exciting things.
I end up feeling jealous of the younger riders who go out and do all kinds of cross country jumping, or ride through a bucking fit (they blythely tell others, "just cowboy up and ride through it" . . Yeah, right!)
Anyway, I am just feeling pissy that I have to work harder for less output, and knowing that it's only going to get harder makes me want to throw a hissy fit tantrum.
Ok. I'm done.