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I am so mad at myself! (rant for older riders)

6K views 44 replies 24 participants last post by  Dustbunny 
#1 ·
Well, it's not that I am really mad at myself, but maybe mad at life in general. Here's why:

yesterday I took Zulu out for a trail ride. I keep trying to string together enough riding on him to build up the physical strength to ride him well. he's a 17 hh Irish Sport horse. his movement can be really big, and sometimes, really hard and flat (like a jackhammer!). So, it takes a toll on the rider's body.
I am almost 55, kind of short and more than chubby, downright fat! I have been active even while overweight and consider myself a decent all around trail rider. But, twice I almost bit the dust off the 17 hh giant. Once when he spooked and almost bolted right out from under me (so rare for him), and anotehr time, when I decided to take the last hill home at a wee gallop (as we often do) and he jumps sideways and stops at the top, nearly projectileing me into the hard ground.
Whew! I was glad I didnt' fall, but it just makes me mad that I am getting old, just when I am starting to develop the skills to ride! It's like, my skills are going up, but my body is failing me, and day by day, it becomes more risky for me to do the big exciting things.

I end up feeling jealous of the younger riders who go out and do all kinds of cross country jumping, or ride through a bucking fit (they blythely tell others, "just cowboy up and ride through it" . . yeah, right!)

Anyway, I am just feeling pissy that I have to work harder for less output, and knowing that it's only going to get harder makes me want to throw a hissy fit tantrum.

ok. I'm done.
 
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#4 ·
I used to slide my horse down powerlines. He literally sat on his butt and "walked" his butt down, then knee-dug up the other side. I did that bareback ---- when I weighed 118 pounds.

Now it's a monumental day if I can get one of the two miles down to the end of my road.

Look at it this way: We are still motoring along. There are many in our eras (I'm 65) that are not.

They have either passed on or worse, are in nursing homes suffering from a mental or physical malady that holds them a prisoner in one of those places. Maybe they are fully aware of their surroundings, maybe not; either way is a tragedy:-(

I make myself think of that, everytime I start feeling sorry for myself, not being able to do what I used to do.

You're up on that Big Tree Topper of a Horse and, as AlexS commented, you stayed on; that's worth a whole lot.

We have paid our dues in a lot of ways the younger ones have yet to experience - feel guilty about noth---thinnnngggg:-p
 
#5 ·
I was lamenting on this very same phenomonon, and my friend gave me this poem and it now is framed and hanging in my tack room.
I do not know who wrote it.

There comes a day....

When nerve and muscle no longer obey
the eager spirit - There comes a day:
When courage gives way to caution, and you
begin to find reasons not to do:
When high adventure has lost its zest.
Then it's time for a reckoning - what is best?
So hark, young friends, as I tell it to you,
for surely at last you will be here too.

We flew that wall, the mare and I.
Now suddenly we pass it by:
Was it not just the other day?
She ****** her ears - I turn away.
Must all that joy belong to the past?
Is there nothing left that still can last?
Perhaps a way may yet be found -
Yes, there is a lessor middle ground.

The call of the trail, the glow of the ride -
a woodland walk with shortened stride.
For the sun still warms and water gleams
as ripples flow down the tumbling streams.
The wind blows fresh and spirits mend
with the horse you love - that comforting friend.
 
#8 ·
Taffy,

thank you for the lovely poem. brings tears to my eyes.

I know that to rail against it means I lose out on what IS good, right under my nose. I just, from time to time, wish I had started earlier, as a rider. It seems like now, no matter what, each year will be a diminishment on the year before, in what I can physically do, and a lot more gritting my teeth through back and knee pain.
I think I still have a wee bit of rant still in there.
 
#11 ·
It brings tears to my eyes too. Sometimes I look at the poem and say, "I am not there yet".
Rant away!!!!
I am so peed off that I cannot sit a horse like I used to.
I would take that fence in the poem, if I had a horse that would take care of me over that fence, instead of buck me off and kick me on the way down.:-(
 
#10 ·
I won't even repeat some of the things I've done in the past. The things kids type on this board that we jump all over for being unsafe and stupid, make things I've done look.... downright..... well.... anyway....

One thing I never understood was why adults were so nervous all the time and why they were so careful about everything they did....

What I don't understand now is... Why does 18" look so high? And who gallops a horse for no reason? And why would I want to swing from a tree limb and drop into the saddle of a moving animal? And who leaps off a 3 foot embankment into a rushing creek and why would you ride in through the woods when it's so dark you can't even see your hand in front of your face... OK, that one I would do again... coolest feeling ever!...

I don't like being old.
 
#15 ·
I keep trying to string together enough riding on him to build up the physical strength to ride him well.
I think this may be your problem. You are trying to build physical strength by riding, when instead you should be working out in order to build physical strength for riding.

You are comparing the abilities of your out-of-shape (by your description) self to the abilities of fit young riders, when you should be making the comparison with young people who are as chubby and out of shape as you - and yes, there are a lot of them out there.

If it makes you feel better, I didn't even get on a horse (barring a couple of tourist-type "trail rides") until I was older than you.
 
#18 ·
I hope to combat my aging by getting fitter for good. I need to drop 50 lbs of fat and build some muscle! My parents have also recently begun this journey... Last year they could not keep up with my 3 year old and were just lumps in general. Today they are brighter eyed and are out doung things. Neither needed to loose weight, but did convert some minor jiggle to useful muscle.

Now just to finally make good on my personal intent. The icing on my cake is better riding!
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#19 ·
TinyLiny - I am so glad you didn't come off and I feel for you.

I used to ride like the wind...jumping from the side of my mare, throwing myself over her bareback. aaaahahahahaah the thrill of being 13 years old and being physically able to do that.:)

Now, like you, I will be 54 in 2 weeks. I bought a horse 4 years ago after getting my butt busted trying a horse. I spent the next 3 years gaining my confidence back after an injury and not having a horse for 26 years.

I had got to where I could canter my horse without getting afraid (horse ran away with me and I was badly injured) and load him up and go riding by myself. I was conditioning my boy to ride in a 25 miler - my dream.

In October I started having electrical shocks running up and down my body - then I started wobbling when I walk, more like tried to walk:-(. I was stumbling all over myself and my feet went numb and then up my legs. I am somewhat numb now from my hips down. Then my ear closed up and just found out I have lost 50% of my hearing in my left ear. I found out I have diabetes (that could be false as I was on steroids for the uneven gait) As of last night, I have had 3 MRI's on my back and head. Last week I had a spinal tap, this week I had steroids injected into my inner ear through the ear drum and a "dizzy test".

The costs are scary as all get out. But what is really scary is I find it hard to mount my horse at times. I was in tears a few weeks ago over it. As long as I mount up on a regular basis I am ok but if Biscuit moves too much I can't move fast enough to not bust my butt so it is a scary thing. They are testing me for MS or some other neuro disorder.

I am thinking "Dang - why now? Why me?" I had always heard that your 50's were fabulous. Kids grown, house paid for, etc. For me, other than being way fluffier than I would like, that has been true. I have been having a ball with my horses. My biggest fear is I won't be able to ride.

I may never ride in that 25 mile ride but if I can get on and ride on trails I will be a happy camper. It is a challenge as we get older and sometimes something out of the blue attacks our health. I am wobbly as all get out and sometimes have to have my husband or my cousin hold Biscuit while I mount up from a mounting block - I was pitching forward when I was riding in November but that has gotten somewhat better and I am glad for that. While we might not be the super duper riders we were as teenagers - we are not sitting at home on the couch watching TV (lol watching it right now though). We are out there on our horses (my hat's off to you getting on a 17hh horse:shock:) hitting the trails or the arena to pursue our passion. I am going to call that a success for today. My horse couldn't care less as long as he gets treats and I go out and love him up. He is happy to ride or happy to stay home and bless his heart, I have leaned on him in more ways than one!

Love the poem...that is so true!
 
#20 ·
Well I'm a young'en in my mid 20's dropping in here ;)
I too have to say Tiny, quit moaning and be impressed that you sat those near ditches woman!!!
James had it correct above - don't compare yourself to fit young people, there are plenty of couch potato young people that have so little strength that they would have hit the deck when you were able to stick on.

I'm short, with big knockers, a big back side and thunder thighs. It's just how I'm built. I run around 5km/day, go to the gym 5 days/week lifting substantial weights (just bumped up to squatting 80kg and getting 8 chin ups straight!!), plus riding every day. That is the only reason I can stick in a bucking fit - because I work stupidly hard to keep myself from gaining weight and losing fitness.
If you want to compare yourself to young, fit riders then get fit off the horse first.

My coach is in her mid 50s, with a wrecked back and shoulder - she's got her home bred 8 yr old nearly to grand prix.

Long story short - you sat some heavy stuff, you're doing fine on the riding front. If you want to compare then even the field by getting fit, if not, just enjoy that you are out there riding regularly :)
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#21 ·
QOS, sorry to hear that you haven't been well. If its any inspiration, a friend if mine was diagnosed with MS in her late teens along with a serious degenerative bone disease. She was recently a reserve for the London Olympics as a para dressage rider and has competed successfully on a national and international basis. She is regularly in hospital for lengthy painful treatments, but is still out there riding and competing :)
Youll bounce back when they work out what's giving you grief :)
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#22 ·
When I was younger I had the body of a girl, no curves, I had nerves of steel and great balance, I would gallop across country, pop over ditches and fences (sometimes I was even riding a horse when I did it)

Now I am older, and more fragile, I have the body of a woman, and yes it is covered in layers of fat, but strip the excess fat away and I'm still a mature woman, and that is my shape, and it isn't bad.

I may no longer have the nerves I used to have, but instead have much more patience, I have lost the arrogance of youth and am more inclined to listen to the feedback from my horses. I don't need to achieve everything today, because there are still lots of tomorrows. I have though wasted a lot of yesterdays by not appreciating them, so

Celebrate all the little things, and don't waste your breath on mourning the passing of time and the changing of our bodies.

Now excuse me, because this fat old woman, has to go load up her horse and pick up another recently befriended fat old woman, and we are going for a lesson.:lol:
 
#23 ·
When I was younger I had the body of a girl, no curves, I had nerves of steel and great balance...
I often wonder if there is not an awful lot of selective memory going on here. That is, people seem to remember their younger days as being a lot better than I suspect they really were. I know I listen to my contemporaries bellyache about their aches & pains, and how growing older is the pits 'cause they never had such things when they were older. Yet I can remember having pretty muh the same kinds of problems in my 20s and thereabouts. I always figured that's how you know you're dead, when it all quits hurting,
 
#24 ·
No James it isn't selective memory, my memory is very unselective these days, remembers all sorts of crap that could be dumped, and files vital stuff straight to the recycle bin.

The whole point is we change as we get older, but it isn't all bad, we need to quit looking for the 20 year old we were and accept the wonderful person we have become.
 
#26 ·
Thanks everyone for the candid and supportive posts. It's pretty rare that I endulge myself in a public "poor me" thread. But, I see others doing it, so thought I might give it a go. And, it was satisfying and I appreciated the feedback, which was basically two things;; quit your bitchin' and get as fit as you can. And, appreciate what you have.
Couldn't have been wiser.

I think what happens to us as we get firmly entrenched in middle age s tha we realize there are no more free rides. you have to work very hard , just to slow the decline. When you are young, you can go back uphill. I mean, you have an injury , it heals, you get as good as new, in fact, you get stronger.
When you are older, someof those injuries just don't go back to the way they were . . .ever. You can not get back to "good as new". your choice is . 1. get old and weak fast, or 2. work hard to make it happen as slowly as possible. But, going backward to youthfulness is not an option. Pretty obvious, right? and pointless to rail against. So, choice number two is obviously the right one.
I KNOW that, but my lazy nature wants to tantrum my way there, instead of put in the work involved. that's why I titled this thread, "So mad at myself"
So, I appreciate the gentle slaps in the face.

(I just love that scene in "Moonstruck" when Cher slaps Nicholas Cage in the face and says, "Snap out of it!")
 
#27 ·
My mind thinks that I am still 25 but my body tells me that I am 54 in March.I need to loose a few pounds as well for my healths sake.
I have the start of arthritis in both hips, my left knee and I have permanent tendonitis in my right elbow. BUT I have 2 yeraling geldings which I have raised since they were 3 months old and I plan on training them for trail riding horses as they get older and I will do as much of the work by myself as i possibly can. I also have 2 standies which I have to train for saddle in the next couple of months My hubbie bought me a sulky for valentines day and it needs some minor work on it to bring it back to its original condition (it is 100 YO), and we will do it ourselves.
I don't let my body let me down I just work within my limits and love every day of being alive and well enough to indulge my passion of horses.
 
#28 ·
Congrats on staying on top of the horse!

As I have gotten older I may not take the chances I once did. Age makes one a bit more cautious. But I am a better rider than I once was, and I have gotten a whole lot smarter, which is of great benefit to myself and my horses.

James had a great point...condition TO ride. And weight loss makes a world of difference.

Happy Trails.
 
#30 ·
Tiny... On a side note did you name you horse after a rugby Zulu? ... After you make your first try (score) at the drink up (after party) they expect you to get naked and run around the yard. Lol!
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Zulu is not my horse. I only part lease him. He was named that because his owner was born in S. Africa.
He is a really lovely boy and I absolutely adore him, top to bottom, and feel so incredibly lucky to have him to ride. If I had had this opportunity 10 years ago, I'd be out learning how to jump on him. But, he isn't easy to ride. It's making me a better rider, but I am also aware that I am not the human who can bring him to his fullest potential, because I can't ride him over cross country, which is what he is bred to do. I do take great satisfaction from working with him to improve his manners, on the ground and under saddle. I know for certain, that in that respect, I have made him a better horse.

Horse Mammal Vertebrate Mare Mustang horse
 
#31 ·
You know, tiny, I can relate a bit I think. I'll be 51 in March, hubby 48. We just got our retirement horses and it has occurred to me a couple of times, WTH were we thinking! The things I did when I was 30 years younger I know aren't going to happen today. I'm much more aware of my mortality. I questioned the wisdom of getting younger horses. Even though my brain still functions and I remember what I need to do, my reflexes aren't what they were AT all.

A few days ago I was down in the pen with Zoot messing around with him when it suddenly hit me. I'm no longer in a race to "do" anything. I can and will take my time with him and make him the best horse my abilities will allow. Getting out on the trail will take time and it wasn't the "ideal" situation we were looking for but here's the thing ... now I get to enjoy the process. And THAT makes it so much more worth while.
 
#33 ·
Me too!

I say well done! You should be patting yourself on the back. I can imagine that he could put some serious oomph in a spook if he tried. Good on you!

While I can't say that I'm old, I plan to never say that I'm old, I do feel you on the difference between then and now. I've been a rider from day one and am thankful that I still have the balance & agility (for the most part, I'm pretty sure I'd do a face plant or something similarly embarrassing if I tried to get on a horse of much size bareback...maybe I should just so we could all have a good laugh) but I have come off a couple times in the last few years and I felt it, like really felt it. I've had some pretty good crashes in my lifetime and seems that minor ones now hurt a hell of a lot more than the big ones when I was a kid.

Just because I want you to still enjoy your party, I got you a cupcake :D
Cake decorating supply Birthday candle Baking cup Cake Food
 
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