The Horse Forum banner
Status
Not open for further replies.

I am so very torn right now....

3K views 20 replies 14 participants last post by  robohog 
#1 ·
A lot HAS been going on lately. First off, many of you know I've been a little frustrated with Cinny. Sometimes I think he just won't "get" Dressage at all, and I'm really really falling in love with Dressage, even if I sometimes seem to rebel against judges, scoring, shows, etc. I really do like it.

Recently work has been a little slow for Robo. We came to the realization that the stable Cin is at (which I love, again despite some of my rants) is costing us way too much. Not in board, the board is a GREAT price but... It's half an hour away. So, It takes about 2 gallons of gas to get there (about 10 bucks a day), plus I have to pay the babysitter for 1 hour in which I'm only traveling to the stable (another 8 bucks). If I only went 4 times a week (how can I go less, I just CAN'T lol) it comes to $540..... so we switched babysitters to one that just wants a playmate for her kids and charges a flat 40 per week.... so I essentially am no longer really paying for that travel time. So just in GAS it is still at least 300 if I only go 4 days a week. Gah.... So we are moving him to a different stable... The owner is a dressage trainer that I have seen at shows, and she's really nice. Cin will have a better "living quarters" and I will save the 300.... plus she includes Strategy in the board price so that saves me a good 50 bucks on top of the 300. That's a 350 Savings.....

So then I found this OTTB rescue and I literally FELL IN LOVE with him the moment I saw him. Having a second horse would really thwart our intent to save money. So, I set out to lease or sell Cin and got no bites until Monday night, then I was flooded. Found some great peeps... a 22 yo college student who wants to pasture board him with her fillies and she would just play with him and ride him on trails. A 16 year old that wants to do 4H gaming (light barrels, poles, etc) which I think he would LOVE to do, are my two favorites. Haven't heard much from the 16 yo but the other girl is coming tonight.

Then I made a big mistake. I took Cin out last night...the first time since the 18th because I've been busy and I thought he needed a break..he's been in turnout with 5 other horses having a blast! Anyway, he was WONDERFUL, even without lunging. And he kept looking at me like he is SOOOOO in love with me. It broke my heart. I contacted the guy about the OTTB and it fell through. Apparently he had not informed his gf that the horse existed and even though she has many others, she WANTS this one.... so he gave it to her out of fear of becoming single...his exact words. So I thought, well I will STILL lease Cinny out. He may be happier and we can catch up on finances as with the show I pushed the budget a little too far when the railroad has been slowing down on Robo. I'll just take lessons once a week for a while with the lesson horses and save us another 300 per month. That should catch us up by the end of summer.

But this morning I woke up, and now I can't BEAR the thought of leasing Cinny out let alone selling him, and the girl looking at him tonight wants the option to buy if she likes him. I don't know if I'm just emotional today or what, but I've been in tears all morning. I feel like Cinny is THE HORSE for me, no matter what our issues may be. So now I just want to move him and keep on with the very first plan... but we really really really could use the financial break right now. And I don't want to lease him to somebody and then when they fall in love with him, which I know they will... take him back.

I really don't know what to do.... I just don't, and I feel so heartbroken and torn up inside right now.

<-------------- Look at my avatar... look at that sweet face... This was taken last night. How can I part with that??????
 
See less See more
#2 ·
Yea, you do sound a little emotional. But you have to think about this properly, even though its not as easy as that.
If you really want to get into dressage, but you know deep down that Cinny is not the right horse for the job, why not lease him out?
You can still ride him, he gets experience with another rider, you save money, and potentially this frees you up to find your dressage horse in the future.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#3 ·
That's just it, if he is leased I can't still ride him...only if I half leased him. The girl looking at him today will be taking him about 45 minutes away from my house anyway. I know I can see him at any time to check on his welfare, but I don't think it would be right for me to call her up and say "I want to come ride my horse."

And I have decided Dressage isn't as important, at least showing is not. So I can still work with a trainer, and I can "play" at it, and relax with it... I can still ride Dressage with him and work on my skills.... I don't HAVE to SHOW him. Yes it's fun to go to shows but, I may be able to show a lesson horse too if I wanted to show. Or maybe my new trainer will have a student that is a much better rider who may have more success with him, I've seen it happen.

Yesterday, riding around bareback...working on some stuff in a relaxed and non-serious way, I realized why I love him so, and how much I love him!
 
#4 ·
Oh ok, my mistake, we call it baiting and half baiting, and it probably means something different anyway.
I didn't realise you wouldn't be able to keep him at the barn that you are moving him to.

I know exactly how you feel though, if I really wanted to be a serious competitor, I would sell both my mares,and buy a more serious prospect. And sometimes I regret not doing that. But I do just love them too darn much! Competing just isn't that important to me anymore.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#6 ·
rework the lease? have her lease him from your barn, and say that 1 or maybe 2 days a week is your personal ride day with him. don't have the option for buying, most leases don't have the option for buying the horse in the end. or let her do a 2 week trial with him and see how your emotions are after that?
 
#7 ·
Im sorry to hear your going through a hard time, I have been there too!
what I iwll tell you and I didnt belive it myself all the way until Oliver came into my life.....Whatever happens will happen for reason, take your time and really think about what you want and what is best for Cinny. Things will all un roll in the way its meant to be if you go along beiliving that....sometime horses walk into our lives without us knowing they where sopposed to until it happens...ussally at that point your like whta!? this is crazy!? but go with it if you feel its meant to be.

I was selling my little TB mare fro many reasons but #1 reason being I was going to start community college and felt a horse would be too much of a way out of school, I never really like school until after I graduated HS.

Anyways I had a gal to lease my mare out for the summer nad buy her come fall when school started, it was goingto be great and I felt very good about what ihave decided and the home I had found for her. Late July I came across an add of a little sport horse and asked for pictures, was looking for a friend who needed a norse for Pony Club so I was helping with the search. I got pictures of the little guy teh named Mark and somthing in his picture told me to go meet him, after a few emails back and fourth i hada time to meet him. I fell in love iwth this horse...not as much as I have with other horses right away but he stuck his head in my chestadn from what I had heard he didnthave athe best of pasts recently so that really ment somthing to me.....I got int he car and was going to call my frien up and tell them to come meet the horse with their trainer soon and my mom sat next to me (she had been talking the hwole time with the owner of "Mark" and said she is goingto give you the horse if you put the training on him...My jaw i think litterlally dropped and knew right then and theree this was going to be such an amazing adventure...I wanst glooking for me, I had almost alre4ady sold my mare.....turns out later that week the gal paid for her in full cash and we boarded at the same barn for awhile beofre going our sepreate ways and still keep in touch. Not only was this horsea huge step up for me...he has solid good confirmation that wont cause me trouble my little tb mare and had more of a calm easy going attitude then my TB mare, same ages both when I sold her and given him.

Its now almost a year later, got him deliverd to me on the 2nd of August and its been truly amazing.

So know that when your paitiant and wait somthing amazing will come your way when your not even expecting it to and that will make the experiance and bond 10x greater by its self.

I know somthing will work out for you in the long run. Cinny isa great horse! Youra great horse mom and weather you lease to sell, just lease him out or dont do that at all somthing for both of you will work out!

GOOD LUCK!
 
#8 ·
Why not propose to the girl that Cin stays where he is and she pays half his board? That would help cover her driving expenses. Offer unlimited riding except when time allows you to ride. He stays fit, you own him and can keep an eye on him and save money to boot. Both split farrier expenses and vet bills? You'll need to figure that one out. Shots should be split but what if something more serious comes about?
 
#11 ·
After some very bad experiences with doing off site breed leases I will never allow one of my horses to be out of my direct control again. So, I'd do a half lease, he stays at your barn and you get to ride a couple times/week if you want to and you still save money. If you really don't care about moving up levels in dressage then don't offer an option to buy if you don't want to.
 
#12 ·
The girl has 2 fillys and her bf has a horse so they were going to pasture board all of them together on the other side of town. My stable wouldn't work for her but I am going to talk to the trainer where I am at and tell her that if any of her students EVER wanted to half lease him, to let me know. They could ride in lessons, shows etc and I could still ride too. The added plus is that once she gets to know my horse, she will know which of her other students would also be a fit for him.
 
#13 ·
Keep near by you

I had the same situation you are in. I had two boys that i had to have at a babysitter so i could spend time with my horse. Later on i got an amazing job and basically didnt have time to spend with him as much as i needed too. I felt sad that he wasnt getting ridden, so i set up a lease term with a young girl. She took him to her house for her show horse. I kept calling and checking on him but they werent returning my phone calls. I drove out their to check on him, and it was not a good situation. They werent feeding him properly, and she wasnt riding him either. So i suggest for you to lease him near by and keep the terms yours. If they dont want to follow the terms find another person. It's not worth your stress or the horses. If you feel that you want to keep him, it will all work out. I wouldnt sell him if you like him. You wont get over it. :(
 
#14 ·
Don't lease him unless it is at your barn on your terms dontmlet him be taken anywhere else, unless you see then barn and the rest of the property he would stay at and approve it.
 
#15 ·
I think carefully concider what you want and what is best for him. If you want to play around with dressage and dont love barrels and poles, and he hates dressage and loves the faster sports, are you doing right by him or your self by not selling?

I just did this with my mare. She got bored and spooky on trails, I love trails. I spent a year debating before I finally made the decision to sell. Now she gets to do barrels which she enjoys and I have my little arabian, who loves trails as much as I do.

If you are 100% possitive he is the horse for you, do a half lease. you can save money and still ride.
 
#16 ·
I have a different perspective, I think. Not only think about what is best for Cinny, but waht is best for your young family. you have a young daugher, right? do you have any plans to have another child? Think LONG term. I am so very glad that after a 6 year gap, my husband and I went for another child. I wnted a third, but he did not. But having two children has made a huge difference in our lives as middle ages parents, and the benefit will be even more noticeable as we age. I wish I had three, or four, but that's another story.

my point being, if keeping Cinny is a financial strain at this point in your life, maybe you should consider letting horse ownership go for a few years. Focus on your family, if you do think another child is in the cards, go for it. build some financial stability, and heck, start saving for your retirement.
I know this all sound horribly stodgey and colorless, but you aren't a teen , and when all is said and done, family comes first.

AND, now for Cinny . . . if the girl is on the up and up , life in a pasture with a few other horses will be absolute heaven for Cinny. And you would have made that possible. Quite the gift of a lifetime.

IN time you can get another horse. Maybe one that your daughter will share with you?

So, my advice is to lease Cinny for a trial period to verify that his treatment is good before either long term leasing or selling him. Hold off on horse shopping. Take lessons on a school horse and put the extra time into the family. I know that sounds like a party killer, but them's my thoughts.
 
#17 ·
I understand what you are saying, and it makes sense. Actually Rob and I are both over 40 and Michael is my second child... he's two. I also have a 13 year old daughter. Both pregnancies were horrible (bed rest with the first one and a lot of PAIN my entire pregnancy with the second) so there are no plans for more babies in the future. We have thought of adoption if we want another and it would be close to Michael's age if we do...whatever that age is at the time.

Our financial future is doing okay, the railroad has GREAT benefits and Robo has extra $ put in with each paycheck and we have stocks, etc. We are just having an immediate (2-3 months) $ crisis but not one that we can't pull out of in less than a few months with a little buckling down. Heck, if I can stop drinking soda and drink only water I'm sure we would save 500 bucks just in that LOL!!!! But seriously....

I think Cinny will be happy at the new stable. He will have buddies to be with everyday and free choice food. Mom won't be as "serious" riding him because she can be serious on the lesson horses, etc. I think he will be happy. Besides he LOVES to have an every day spoiling and I'm not sure if he could live without THAT. The peppermints, the 1/2 hour massage and groom sessions before and after his ride. His blankie in the winter that he DEMANDS etc etc. He is quite a Diva for a guy. And yesterday, he also seemed to actually ENJOY doing a couple of exercises ("needlepoint" from 101 dressage exercises is a favorite of his). So maybe if I calm down and stop being so serious and putting the pressure on him all the time, he will be happy. We will see.
 
#20 ·
Based on your replies, it sounds like the best answer is to keep him at your barn and allow him to be half-leased by someone there. That way you can keep an eye on him, ride him, etc... while still feeling some financial benefit.

For what it's worth, I used to half-lease a horse, which basically meant I could ride 3-4 times per week. I paid half of the horse's board. The owner covered all other expenses--vet bills, farrier, etc. It was a great arrangement for all involved, and it was a pretty good experience overall.

One thing I will suggest though: Whoever leases your horse, please watch him/her ride, and find out exactly what activities your horse will be involved with. Also make sure you approve all tack and equipment that they plan to use. I've seen people do foolish things on leased horses--improper use of draw reins, over jumping, excessive and unnecessary crop/spur use, etc. Hopefully these things would be a non-issue at a barn with good supervision, but I've seen these things happen before. So it's worth considering, and it's why I will never allow someone to lease my horse off-property from where he is boarded.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
You have insufficient privileges to reply here.
Top