I can't get over this.
Lately I've been posting all over the lost confidence threads pretty much just shoving people towards riding again because I'd never lost my confidence...until today.
I didn't fall, but I was just crushed through my entire ride, to make it short, my coach was getting mad and blaming EVERYTHING on me. When I came up to a 3' oxer and Des shied to the right, I KNEW I was pushing her too hard, we went up in height too fast for her, she's not ready for 3' oxers coming off of 2'3 verticals! I told my coach plain and simple ' she's NOT ready, she can't do it ' to which she replied something like ' no, you're not riding and you can't do it ' ....okay..thanks.
So I lost A LOT of my confidence there, jumped the small 2' vertical a hundred times until my coach again said, take the other oxer, just under 3'. I thought I could do it because it looked a lot smaller, I rode Des to it, good pace, fast but controlled, and she ducked out 3 times before plowing over it and snapping a solid wooden pole like a toothpick. I almost flew off but I took full impact on her neck instead, that's when I was just done.
I don't like jumping anymore! I used to be height crazy, I wanted to jump 3'6 daily and 5 foot spreads. But now I really only want to do 2', if that.
I don't know what to do, I jump in a lesson with my coach on her horse, them regularly showing 3'6 last year,and a soon to be student also jumping 3'6, and I don't want to be a dead weight keeping them at 2'.
I guess I'm just looking for advice on everything I'm doing wrong. :(
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