I could really use some advice. - The Horse Forum

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post #1 of 15 Old 07-31-2011, 02:05 PM Thread Starter
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I could really use some advice.

I am seventeen, I have worked at many barns and I once had everything for a horse I had a huge dream of owning one once I saved all my money, whcih I slaved for I bought a saddle, 3 Bridles, breast collars, grooming supplies, saddle pad, all top stuff. Then they took the horses away from me and did not let me go near one for nearly 3 years(Without reason) in that time I fell into a drug addiction(No one knows about it though) at the time I was self medicating(Should not have because I have a addictive personality and my dad is addicted to multiple things alcohol, meth/crack which I hear people get hooked easily if they have it in the blood) due to family problems which I wont get into because that's not the point and the loss of the only thing I really loved Its horrible..MY grades dropped after the addiction I simply didn't care anymore about anything home life was horrible my own family pretty much disowned me ..about 5 months ago I took everything I had saved and I sold it on craigslist half price just to support my drug use I felt so low.
And recently my family has stumbled upon a large amount of money. They bought my sister whom is about a year and a half younger than me a convertible as her first car. They bought my brother a collection of world war 2 guns. This is stuff they recently wanted I have always wanted a horse..I was not supposed to receive anything they told me cleary. But my step dad talked to my mom about a month ago and decided we have good income and alot of money and about to come also, and we have almost 3 acres that they hate mowing so I could get a cheap horse so it could "Fix me". I was so excited I spent all this time searching for the perfect horse found this gourgous palomino mare , I started saving my money, I have been sober for two and a half weeks and not even thinking about drugs, I have felt very odd, Like happy?and no suicidal thoughts anymore my depression seemed to lift it was weird but I had something that motivated me, a dream, something to look forward to after having nothing for years.
Today I woke up( The day I was supposed to look at the mare) and all this changed, I didnt go they said I could not.They seem to have taken a new direction and changed their mind about the horse. Its really upsetting I now feel like a complete Idiot for it and Im tryng to hold back from blowing the money I have saved up I just want to stay sober I havent had clear thoughts in so long. I don't have any good friends or family to turn to so this is about the only thing I have.. Does anyone have any advice?

Last edited by Kylee; 07-31-2011 at 02:08 PM.
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post #2 of 15 Old 07-31-2011, 04:50 PM
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Sometimes people end up to do promises that they don't fulfill..

Stay sober! I'm really, really sorry that you didn't get your horse. Maybe you're able to get your horse sometime later. Could you take that as your goal which would motivate you to stay sober?

Have you considered having some help and participating detoxification?

"On hyviä vuosia, kauniita muistoja, mutta kuitenkaan, en saata unohtaa,
Että koskaan en ole yksin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Vaikka myrsky hetkeksi tyyntyykin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Ja pian taas uusin hönkäyksin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Hei tuu mun luo, pieneksi hetkeksi. Puhutaan, varjoni, valkoiseksi enkeliksi."

Pelle Miljoona Oy - Varjo seuraa onneain

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post #3 of 15 Old 07-31-2011, 07:18 PM
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I really wish I had some words of advice for you but I don't, just a big hug, and know that even though you feel alone, your not, someone is always watching out for you. Stay sober, stay clean, and keep working towards your goal! Your 17, young yet and have your whole life ahead of you, if YOU take control of it. Don't wait for someone else to do it for you or tell you what to do. Take control of it now, and direct it in the path you want to go. Sit down with yourself and make a life plan, know that you won't always stick to it and sometimes you will have to detour, but don't get lost. You are on the right path now, stay with it and good luck!
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post #4 of 15 Old 07-31-2011, 08:04 PM
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Hey Kylee, I am sorry that you are going through all of this.

I am glad that you have been sober for a few weeks, you have already done the hardest thing already of deciding to stop. The thing that is difficult, and will be for a long time, is that whenever anything in your life goes wrong, you will want to go back to the drugs. It will be your first thought for a long time. I hope that you have not gone back to them now because of everything that has happened.

It sounds like your step dad might be more of a friend to you than you think he is, as he was the one who suggested to your mom that they get you a horse. Do you think it might be possible to talk to him about how you feel?

If so, I'd advise that you do it calmly. And if you don't think you can stay calm, can you write them a letter instead? That way you can rewrite it a few times to make sure that you say everything in a calm and rational way. You type well, maybe you could type it and print it.
It might help a lot, to write how much research you did about the horse, and the money you saved.

You sound like you are a great person, your just not having a great time of it at the moment because of your family. If you take a breathe, and be calm, I am sure you can show your mom that you are responsible and can be trusted.

If you need a friendly ear, feel free to send me a private message anytime.
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post #5 of 15 Old 07-31-2011, 08:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kylee View Post
I am seventeen, I have worked at many barns and I once had everything for a horse I had a huge dream of owning one once I saved all my money, whcih I slaved for I bought a saddle, 3 Bridles, breast collars, grooming supplies, saddle pad, all top stuff. Then they took the horses away from me and did not let me go near one for nearly 3 years(Without reason) in that time I fell into a drug addiction(No one knows about it though) at the time I was self medicating(Should not have because I have a addictive personality and my dad is addicted to multiple things alcohol, meth/crack which I hear people get hooked easily if they have it in the blood) due to family problems which I wont get into because that's not the point and the loss of the only thing I really loved Its horrible..MY grades dropped after the addiction I simply didn't care anymore about anything home life was horrible my own family pretty much disowned me ..about 5 months ago I took everything I had saved and I sold it on craigslist half price just to support my drug use I felt so low.
And recently my family has stumbled upon a large amount of money. They bought my sister whom is about a year and a half younger than me a convertible as her first car. They bought my brother a collection of world war 2 guns. This is stuff they recently wanted I have always wanted a horse..I was not supposed to receive anything they told me cleary. But my step dad talked to my mom about a month ago and decided we have good income and alot of money and about to come also, and we have almost 3 acres that they hate mowing so I could get a cheap horse so it could "Fix me". I was so excited I spent all this time searching for the perfect horse found this gourgous palomino mare , I started saving my money, I have been sober for two and a half weeks and not even thinking about drugs, I have felt very odd, Like happy?and no suicidal thoughts anymore my depression seemed to lift it was weird but I had something that motivated me, a dream, something to look forward to after having nothing for years.
Today I woke up( The day I was supposed to look at the mare) and all this changed, I didnt go they said I could not.They seem to have taken a new direction and changed their mind about the horse. Its really upsetting I now feel like a complete Idiot for it and Im tryng to hold back from blowing the money I have saved up I just want to stay sober I havent had clear thoughts in so long. I don't have any good friends or family to turn to so this is about the only thing I have.. Does anyone have any advice?

You either come out of it stronger that when you started or not. It is a matter of your own will.

In the long run, while it is good and helpful to have support be prepared to do it yourself. Only you can make the final decision to do what you want.
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post #6 of 15 Old 07-31-2011, 09:22 PM
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I strongly suggest that you make **** sure you're off drugs for good before you take on the responsibility of a horse. If you were to relapse (and I sure hope you don't, but it's not impossible) the horse would be the first to suffer for it. For now, I think you should just focus on getting yourself healthy before you try to care for something else.

Don't give up on your dream, though! You can absolutely get back on your feet and into a stable situation where you can have a horse. It all depends on your willpower. YOU have to make the choice to be responsible and mature. I hope you stay sober and that things will work out for the best. Good luck.

"A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is ultimately to be at peace with himself.
What a man can be, he must be.
" Abraham Maslow, 1968
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post #7 of 15 Old 08-01-2011, 04:05 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks so much everyone I worked through the night and stayed sober. Today I took some advice and tryed to talk to my step dad(might I say he's pretty much my real dad since his last names on the birth certificate since my real father wants nothing to do with me and my step dad rasied me since I was born) and I have a closer relationship with him than my mom and its really not saying much though. But he's sometimes a okay guy. Well I sent him an email explaining and me and him are going to look at the horse this weekend. Jessabel, I would never choose a drug over a anothers life ever. I know I have become a strong person because of what I have been through.
I just needed a dream and without this dream I turned to nothing because I had nothing I really didnt want to lose my dream again and feel the way I did and do the things I did.
Thanks everyone for advice It really did help.
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post #8 of 15 Old 08-01-2011, 05:24 PM
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Kylee, I am so pleased!

Let us know how it goes over the weekend, and let your step dad know how much this means to you!

Edit - great job staying sober last night too.
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post #9 of 15 Old 08-01-2011, 05:34 PM
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First off, hon, it is absolutely fantastic you've been sober on your own will for almost three weeks. That in itself is huge, and you should give yourself a big hug for it.
If you don't buy a horse, perhaps you can spend the money you used to use for drugs and instead split it between saving for your own horse, and doing riding lessons? At least then you can be around them and let them help heal you - as corney as it sounds.
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post #10 of 15 Old 08-01-2011, 05:48 PM
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Kylee, I wanted a horse since my first ride at 6 yrs of age. I ate, slept, and talked horses, even drawing them. I even asked for a horse in my nightly prayers for years. I saved my money and as my parents pointed out it's not the purchase, it's the upkeep. Since I often rode other people's horses, at 17 I bought my own saddle and bridle of good quality. At nineteen, while I had my first job, my parents bot me a horse. I was now in a position of pay it's upkeep. All those years of praying, saving, paid off, so hang in there. You've hit the bottom so it's upward and onward now. You will get that horse and the best part is it will likely happen in a way you least expect it. BTW, while praying for a horse, I also prayed for the farm to keep it on. The farm took longer but I have it and it's paid for.
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