I Feel Like A Coward :(
Alright, so, itís been almost a year since I got my gelding (10 months, going on 11), and itís been one struggle after another. It seems as if every time we manage to get past one issue, another pops up.
When we first went to try him out, my trainer and parents both thought heíd be a good match for me. He hadnít been ridden in about a year, but the lady we talked to (she was selling him for a friend/client of hers) said that sheíd ridden him a few times recently, and that he was doing really well. She rode him, my trainer rode him, and then I did. He did pretty well Ė he was a little hyper, but nothing unexpected for a horse who hadnít been worked for a year.
Almost as soon as we got him, he started showing just how little he really knew. I wasnít really planning on doing much more than pleasure riding for a while, so it didnít matter so much Ė we could work through it. We worked through behavioral problems, built his muscles back up, and basically had to start re-training him from the walk up. The problem is, itís been 10 months, and as far as heís come, he still has a very long way to go. I wasnít looking for a project horse to begin with, and Iím still not.
In addition, due to a problem that cropped up in his right hock, itís unlikely weíll be able to do much jumping in the future (hard, since Iíd love to get into eventing). In order to attend jumping clinics, etc., I end up having to use some of my trainerís lesson horses. Between that and varying unsoundness issues (due to the hock), there are times when it seems like I ride other horses more than I do him. He really needs a rider who isnít planning on doing any jumping Ė heíd be a great pleasure horse, or even lower-level dressage, if someone had the time, patience, and experience to work with him.
What would you do if you were in my place? I feel like if I give him up now, it will feel like surrender. Weíve tried to push through the problems for 10 months, and to give up nowÖ but at the same time, we clash personality wise. Weíre both stubborn and easily frustrated, which, in re-training a horse, is not a good combo. Itís gotten to the point where I almost donít want to go out and work with him, which only makes me feel even more horrible.
I feel horrible for debating selling him Ė I feel like a coward, and I feel like Iíve given up without giving properly giving him a chance. I know that I should just put on my Big Girl Panties and work with him some more, and that Iím a horrible person for putting my desires above working it out with him. Iíve pretty much cried myself dry these past few weeks, and I know my family is beyond frustrated with my seemingly-random mood swings.
Sigh. Sorry for the rant. I just don't know what to do :(
Riding: The art of keeping a horse between you and the ground.