I have no bond with my horse, I feel like I failed - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 29 Old 12-01-2012, 12:21 PM
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Quad Cities, IL
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I had a mare I spent tons of time with, broke myself, took everywhere! She rode perfectly, had impeccable manners, could be trusted anywhere with anybody, and was a good looking mare. I never thought twice about selling her when the option came up. There was no connection and to me she was "just a horse".

Poco was my love from day one. We Just "clicked" from the get go. He was only affectionate with me and seemed overall happier when I worked with him. He always gave his 110% and was willing to do anything asked. He is DEFINITELY not like this with everyone.

Some people an horses just don't "click". Just like you may not be best friends with every person you meet. Or you may be indifferent toward some dogs or other peoples horses. You haven't failed at all! I received TONS of compliments on my mares obedience which proved I did well with her. But with Poco people specifically compliment that ever present connection between us and that makes me glow. :)
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post #12 of 29 Old 12-01-2012, 01:18 PM
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northern Nevada
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Originally Posted by CountryChic12 View Post
When I walk out to him he doesn't act excited to see me, the only exception to this is when he knows I'm going to give him his grain.
It may just be his personality, just like not every human you meet is an outgoing people person. For instance, my mare lives with my friend's gelding. When I go out to the corral, he's right there checking pockets for treats (she really should have named him Gollum ), Ellie may mosey over if she feels like it, or maybe not. They just have different personalities.
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post #13 of 29 Old 12-01-2012, 01:24 PM
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Originally Posted by CountryChic12 View Post
I don't know if it's me or if it's him, or maybe it's both but whe do not click. He will do what I say but he has like no personality. He'll ride but is grumpy the whole time and it makes it unenjoyable. I don't know, but you can just tell. When I walk out to him he doesn't act excited to see me, the only exception to this is when he knows I'm going to give him his grain. I don't know what to do! I can just feel that he just does not like me at all. I've tried spending time with stuff (like brushing him) but can really care less.
Lets take a step back.

What are you expecting as a display from the horse that he's happy and excited? He's a horse, not a dog . Most horses don't jump for joy and most don't have very outwardly expressive personalities. Just because he doesn't run to meet you in the field doesn't mean that he doesn't enjoy his time with you or that he's shut down. Many people would love to have a horse that's pretty agreeable to their agenda and it sounds like he is.

How long have you had him? How much time do you spend with him? Do you do any groundwork or mix up your activities, or do you just brush and ride? What do you do you your riding time?
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post #14 of 29 Old 12-01-2012, 01:32 PM
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I dont know how old you are but I had a pony when I was about 9 or 10 and I swear he hated me and I hated him - sounds childish but I was a child. He wasnt my first pony but he might have been my last if he hadnt been sold.
On the other hand it takes time to bond and you have to give him a reason to want to be your bff
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post #15 of 29 Old 12-01-2012, 01:35 PM
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Location: Saskatchewan Canada
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My coming 2 year old and I have a bond, but we still have dangerous problems. Everyday when I get there I will call her name, and she will come trotting or loping up to the fence.
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post #16 of 29 Old 12-01-2012, 02:14 PM
Join Date: Mar 2012
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It took me forever to click with my second jumper. I wanted to sell him but didn't want someone else to get him because he was going to be a good horse. He is very aloof and a space cadet. I thought he was stubborn. I trailered him to a friends and we were playing bareback in the water; he was pawing and laying down, just being a goof. I still remember that day as the day we clicked and just got each other.

A mare at my lesson barn had that "goldfish" personality. She was a great little mare, but sadly she was "just" a horse.

I don't think my current mare and I have quite clicked. She is definitely bonded to me, but we haven't had that "Aha!" moment. She will walk up to me in the pasture and I don't have to be sneaky with the halter. I have had her since birth but have just started training her 7 months ago.

It takes time and sometimes it happens when neither of you are trying. Getting frustrated isn't going to help you or him. You may be interpreting his personality the wrong way and need to take a mental step back to see him for who he really is (wallowing around in a mud puddle like a goof).

Good luck, take some deep breaths and a pocket full of treats next time you see him.
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post #17 of 29 Old 12-01-2012, 02:15 PM
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Originally Posted by CountryChic12 View Post
I don't know if it's me or if it's him, or maybe it's both but whe do not click. He will do what I say but he has like no personality. He'll ride but is grumpy the whole time and it makes it unenjoyable. I don't know, but you can just tell. When I walk out to him he doesn't act excited to see me, the only exception to this is when he knows I'm going to give him his grain. I don't know what to do! I can just feel that he just does not like me at all. I've tried spending time with stuff (like brushing him) but can really care less.
nice topic.great discussion .honestly. not that often do you actually click as you talk about with a horse. so when it does happen is a amazing thing. ive owned professionally trained horses most my life. and have had some really amazing things with horses. but originally they were wild..then became beast of burdens. some of my best horses..training.and riding i didnt feel a close blond with. but they were still amazing horses.fun to ride. but i agree when you click with one.there really isnt anything like that. i started this filly this fall for a young lady and from the first time i worked with her. we clicked. and we clicked every day from then on.what a joy. reminds me why i do what i do. if i expected that clicking.that bonding with each and every horse i would be having some really bad days. enjoy it when you have it. and enjoy what you have right now. thanks for a great topic and discussion. ride safe everyone.happy trails
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post #18 of 29 Old 12-02-2012, 06:55 PM
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Northcentral Pennsylvania
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I have a mare like this. I brought her home because I wanted a horse that I could ride, etc. However she did not click with me but she did my son. When he came to the barn you could see the change in her. When my son died 2 years ago she went back to the same mare that I brought home.

I have another mare that is happy to see me and will whinny when she sees me. She likes to be mauled by me with lots of hugs and kisses and treats.

As for selling my son's horse? not gonna happen. I even had an offer from a neighbor to buy her. She will be here until she dies.

You haven't failed in any respect. Find another horse that will click with you.

Becky - Ruby Farms
"Nothing is impossible, the word itself says "I'm possible"!" - Audrey Hepburn
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post #19 of 29 Old 12-02-2012, 07:32 PM
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Over the years I have had a good pile of horses and all of them different personality wise.
Some of them I just couldn't like, some I adored and some I may of not liked but we worked well together.

For me it is not the brushing, petting or his reaction when he sees me coming with a halter that makes me feel a "bond" but rather when we accomplish a task(working a tough cow, doing well at a show or tackling something training wise) together and we did well and we both tried hard.

Maybe you need to look long and hard at what you expect from him.
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post #20 of 29 Old 12-02-2012, 07:57 PM
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Quick story...an old friend of mine in Utah told me last month about his favorite horse. He's a rancher, and doesn't get very sentimental about animals, so I was surprised to see a picture of him on a horse, in a frame made from horsehair. Turned out his kids gave him that when they had to put the horse down.

He said the horse didn't like him. If he wasn't careful, the horse would bite him. Or kick. He didn't like humans much at all. But he loved to work cattle, and would go for 50 miles if you needed it, and then do it again the next day. He worked cattle well, tho - the rougher the cattle, the more he liked working them. And over the years, and thousands of miles, they developed a mutual respect. He worked cattle into his mid-20s. When he died, my friend was surprised to realize he missed the horse. He concluded he had already ridden the best horse he would ever meet. He was even more surprised when his kids gave him the picture, and the frame made from the horse's mane. Apparently, they understood how much the horse had come to mean to him.

But not all horses work out that way. I've got 3 in my corral right now. I could sell two of them without blinking an eye, although the womenfolk in my house would kill me for selling Trooper. I couldn't imagine selling Mia, although she is a pain in the rear and the ladies wouldn't miss her. Or so they say.

Dunno. Sometimes they grow on you. Or not. Darned if I can figure out a pattern! Good luck, however it turns out!
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