I know I'm crazy but it bothers me so much!
I get obsessive about things I'm passionate about. And I am passionate about horses.
It is a never ending source of frustration to me how little I know. Especially this mare I have now breaking, she's a lightning fast skittish explosive little Quarter horse, and I have just about given up on myself doing anything with her without help. I would give up and sell her and consider myself over horsed but how else am I going to learn?
I know I'm just as much constantly frustrating my trainer by saying "I can't do it" because she knows as well as I do that I CAN, but I feel like a failure because I can't do what she does; walk up to any horse and perform miracles.
I have a lot to learn regardless and that's a given, you never can know all there possibly is to know but I know so little it seems that I'll never be anything at all. I am my own worst critic and I am learning all the time, but instead of appreciating the fact that I am a good rider and I have broke horses very successfully in the past all I can see right now is that I'm out of my league with this one and I hate that! I absolutely detest not knowing what to do, in any situation, and especially with horses and training being my ultimate goal as a career it really gets my knickers in a knot.
If I have to live in a barn for the next 5 years and workfor no pay I'll do it. Because I just hate not knowing!
Am I psychotic?
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