I lost My Heart Horse - The Horse Forum

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post #1 of 12 Old 06-14-2012, 01:50 PM Thread Starter
Weanling
 
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Unhappy I lost My Heart Horse

Hello everyone,
It has been a long time since I have been on the Horse Forum. I lost my beloved Indi in January, and I haven't been able to pull my self onto the forum since. She is my Heart Horse and I miss her so greatly; she was the best horse I have ever had.

When I lost her, a couple months later I bought another horse. Not to replace her, I just couldn't stand not having a horse. The only problem is, where Indi was so loving and affectionate (she'd come up to me in the field, put her head in my arms and I'd just spend ages stroking her and kissing the top of her head) Red is a good horse, but she's so independent, even as a youngster (she's 3) which I thought she'd be quite clingy, she walks away from me all the time, never lets me fuss her (or when I make her stand to let me stroke her, she looks like she couldn't care less about me) I don't think it's a respect thing - I started doing loads of respect exercises with her, and she's not nasty at all... just not loving like Indi. God I miss that horse more and more every day - why do they do it to us!?

I admit, buying Red was a big mistake, not because she's not a good horse, it was just way too soon, and she'll never be Indi... nothing will compare to her :( I rushed into it, and she's so unaffectionate.

Do horses grow more affectionate with age? (I'm thinking the answer's probably no, I'm just wishing the answer would be yes... but I'm thinking horses' personalities don't really change all too much, just like people...)

[By the way, to the Sarcoid Treatment readers - Indi's passing was completely sarcoid UNrelated, and completely sarc treatment UNrelated]

Also... can you ever have more than one heart horse/will she ever return to me before I end up on the other side with her? I miss her so much, and I'm not the crying time, but I'm balling like baby typing this.

Anyhow, thanks for reading,
Regards,
Holly
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post #2 of 12 Old 06-14-2012, 02:01 PM
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I certainly hope so. I certainly hope you can find another horse who steals your heart. I just finished reading "Lessons from a Ranch Horse", by Mark Rashid. He talks about how a very nondescript brown ranch horse came to steal his heart and all that he learned from this horse. It's an enjoyable read, whether you believe everything he says or not.
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post #3 of 12 Old 06-14-2012, 02:07 PM
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I am so sorry you lost your mare. I am sure it is a difficult time for you. I had my heart horse for 27 years when he passed. I had another horse before he passed, but she was young and just got back from the trainer.I think I had been riding her for about 4 months when Star passed. Every time I rode my mare, I missed my gelding more and more. I really enjoyed my mare, but I missed the relaxing, lazy rides I had on Star. It has been 4 years now and I have to say, I have another heart horse! My mare has become everything Star was.

Horses do have different personalities. Some are more people oriented, some just take longer to come around. I bought a horse for my kids and she was really aloof and not lovey at all for the first year we had her. I think once she realized she was with us for the long haul, she started warming up. Now she is always at the gate and nickering to us when we walk outside.

Give it some time. She won't be the same horse, but you will create a relationship and memories with her.
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post #4 of 12 Old 06-14-2012, 02:17 PM
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So sorry for your loss. I had a heart cat once. I'm not a cat person so I suppose that is why I loved him so much. Had him for 17 years. He weighed 21 lbs., would do every dog trick in the book...sit, sit up, roll over, come, fetch, etc. Followed me everywhere and wasn't afraid of anything. I've not had a cat like that since.

On the question of whether or not your horse can become more loving I can only share with you my own personal experience. Spirit came to me very head shy and very independent. Now she rests her head in my arms and falls asleep there. She'll even put her chin on my shoulder and fall asleep as I whisper sweet nothings to her. She's come a long way and our bond strengthens with each passing day. I hope you can get your current horse to do the same. I don't know the answer. I do know that Indi will always be your heart horse. And it is possible to fall deeply in love all over again but for different reasons. Each animal, and humans too, have their own uniqueness to bring to the relationship.

Again, I hope you find that special bond you so desperately want and need.
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post #5 of 12 Old 06-14-2012, 02:17 PM
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I understand how you're feeling. Trying to fill that kind of hole is a very difficult thing to do. It's hard NOT to compare the two horses. If you are still going to keep Red, focus on her. Focus on who she is as a horse, not how she compares to Indi(not saying you are). She sounds like she sees you as a partner more than having a bonded relationship.

You can always love a horse, but with some, love can mean many different things. With Indi, you had an emotional and understanding with her. With Red, that doesn't have to be the same. Love Red in a matter o' fact way. Love her when she is willing, love her for being independent, and most of all, love her for who she is.

Finding your heart horse isn't that hard. Knowing you've found your heart horse is what is difficult and can take a long time. Who knows, maybe one a weeks, months, even years from now, Red could be your heart horse. Maybe you two just need some more time to really seal the bond.
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Life's shining moments, however big or small, will always out weigh our darkest hour.
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post #6 of 12 Old 06-14-2012, 02:21 PM
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Oh Holly, I'm so sorry. I can certainly feel your pain in that post. I went through a few horses after my Heart Horse was gone before I found another. I had to get to a place where I quit comparing them all .. and she came.

There won't be another Indi, but there are other special horses out there that deserve your love and will give you exactly what you need.

Again, I'm so sorry .....
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post #7 of 12 Old 06-14-2012, 02:23 PM
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I am very sorry for your loss. Holly, was Indi immediately your heart horse? I have a heart horse too, but funny enough he only tolerates my antics while my newer gelding (Aidan) will love on me all day, but I don't have that special bond with him.
After some deep thought recently, I found that it was just not the time for Aidan and I to have that, YET. If I spent as much time with him as I have with Cooper, my <3 horse, I think I could be there with him too. A bond is created, though I do know sometimes it can be instant. I thought back to when I first got Cooper, and can't remember being as close as we are now until the past year or even less. I have had him for just under 3 years.

Let yourself grieve and don't put too much pressure on either you or your new horse to have that same existence together. Let the bond occur during a storm that you wait out in the barn with your mare. Or that run through the field. Let the time she steps on your toe and looks at you be the moment you realize you can, and do love her. Give it time though. Don't regret anything, even when decisions go bad, they are simply learning experiences. Make the most of life.

Do I think your horse will change? Yes. As do people from when they are children to adults. She will learn to trust you 100% and then you both can rely on eachother and build that connection.

Hope this helps.
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post #8 of 12 Old 06-14-2012, 02:24 PM Thread Starter
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Thank you both for posting, it has already made me feel better (I just get kinda low thinking that the best horse I've ever had is gone :( ) tinyliny, I will definitely give that book a read, after all, Indi was just an ex racer that nobody wanted - when I went to see her she seemed so plain, I can't believe I nearly didn't buy her! Thank goodness I did!

Sahara, I'm so glad your mare has stepped into your geldings shoes, you've put a lot of hope back into me, especially after hearing about your kids' horse warming up to you too. Red is still a baby, and I just need to mould her to me. I was pretty unfair on her to buy her really, but any horse I bought after Indi I'd probably feel the same about, Indi set the bar so flipping high, I don't even think a pegasus could reach it!

Again, thank you both for posting, you've made me feel so much better!
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post #9 of 12 Old 06-14-2012, 02:42 PM Thread Starter
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Sorry, more of you have posted during my last comment.

SpiritLifter, your post made me cry, Indi used to do the exact same thing. What you've said is so true about falling in love with another for different reasons.

BarrelWannabe, it is so difficult not to compare them, but you are right, they're so different, and I should love Red for being Red. Plus, I did only get her in March, it's not long really.

Texasgal, you're right, it's such a terrible pain, and like I said further up, Indi set the bar so high... I have to stop comparing them, otherwise I'll get nowhere!

LetAGrlShowU, Indi came to me quite naughty, but it didn't take long for us to just click, it was like she could read my mind! You're right that I shouldn't put the pressure on Red, it's not fair on her, and it'll only push her away. I think you've made me realise I'm trying to force a relationship with Red, and obviously that's just no good. You're right, she's only a baby, she will change.

Again, thank you all for posting, you've made me feel so much better! I really appreciate all your comments, you have all been so kind, understanding, relate-able and have put so much truth and thought into your posts. I can't thank you all enough. I should have come back here sooner. Thanks guys!
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post #10 of 12 Old 06-14-2012, 02:57 PM
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Holly .. I still dream about my Heart Horse .. I can smell him, feel him, and sometimes we ride in my dreams. I had him through some pretty turbulent times in my life and we knew each other inside out ..

He died in 1994 and I still have VERY vivid dreams of him and only a couple weeks ago I was saying about some horse "Wow, he has bone like Chad" ..

You'll never forget her, or get over it, but you'll learn to live with the great memory ..

Come join us on the Texas Horse Friends thread.http://www.horseforum.com/horse-talk...riends-125927/
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