I need support, advice on a "leaving my barn" situation
   

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I need support, advice on a "leaving my barn" situation

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        01-11-2013, 06:54 PM
      #1
    Started
    Unhappy I need support, advice on a "leaving my barn" situation

    These last few months I've been really busy with school, and because I turned 18 I started going out with friends a lot (not always bars, but in general I have a much larger social life). I used that as an excuse of not being able to go to my barn for a lesson, as I don't like the place. Too much drama, don't approve of the way it's run, and after each lesson I felt like crying with annoyance/frustration, so I found another barn. As I said I am busy so I've only ridden there 4 times in the last 3 months, but I love the lessons and so I'm staying. Problem is, I haven't yet told my old trainer I have permanently left.

    A few students/friends of mine have left or are leaving, so I decided I had to finally face my fear and tell her. I wanted to do it in person, but having no time to go over there is what lead me to telling her only now, so I decided to send her a facebook message.

    It started well, I asked how all the horses were, that I was sorry I didn't come to visit because I was busy. She replied positively, and then I asked her something about one of the horses and she didn't answer. She bluntly replied by asking me: was I riding somewhere else? (she saw my profile picture where I'm riding an unfamiliar horse to her (a horse from my new barn)). It's not a very clear picture, but it's clear enough to see that it wasn't taken at my old barn.

    I was stupid to have put that picture and give myself away. For a long time I restrained myself from doing it, but a week ago I decided to finally do it because I was tired of hiding. A part of me wants to just just tell her bluntly: yes I went to try a new place a few times because it was cheaper, but keep out the hurtful but truthful parts. And then another part of me wants to lie and say something like: my new friend from college invited me to ride her horse at her barn, and I'm thinking of trying it out (which would lead to me telling her I'd stay there).

    I know I should say the truth, but I know she'll be mad/hurt as we were friends and a few people have recently left. I asked my friend how she took it and she told me she took it alright, but was mad. I have a feeling her reaction with me will be worse, as it looks likes I've been avoiding them for months and I know she feels like she was has done me a great service as a friend/trainer for a few reasons I will not develop. Yet she hasn't really been anything more than kind.

    Just to clarify, she isn't a "trainer" so to say. She has a very successful, full time job, and since my other trainer left she took over to manage the barn/teach on weekends/evenings because she enjoys it.

    And yes I know now, business should definitely not mix with friendship. Please don't advise me to tell her exactly how I feel, because I know with certainty it's going to add more flames to the fire without coming to a full understanding in the end. With another person I'd be more frank/blunt, but I can't seem to with her.
         
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        01-11-2013, 07:05 PM
      #2
    Yearling
    If you are unhappy there then move on tell her face to face over facebook is not the way to do it I am 54 years old and I beleave in tell poeple face to face
    Northernstar and DimSum like this.
         
        01-11-2013, 07:17 PM
      #3
    Yearling
    If you care about her then to save her from hurt in the long run you should tell her.best to get it over, and done with. Instead of dragging it out, you don't have to tell her bluntly : I am moving. Gently explain to her your reasons. If she is a friend she would understand that your previous lessons were not working out and you needed to find a different place. Besides you are paying her right? You should have the right to take your money wherever you wish.
    Hidalgo13 and Northernstar like this.
         
        01-11-2013, 07:19 PM
      #4
    Foal
    It sounds like you've dragged this out way too long. If she is your friend there's no reason why you couldn't still be friends and ride together sometimes even if your not puting money into her barn. Just tell her you wanted to try a different barn and things are working out better there. Its a hard thing to do but if you really are friends she shouldn't get too insulted. If she gets really mad like you said she would in your post then she's probably more concerned about money then being friends.
    Hidalgo13 and Northernstar like this.
         
        01-11-2013, 07:19 PM
      #5
    Green Broke
    As an adult, you'll find new and different aspects in the world now of how to communicate to people. There is absolutely no reason to be afraid to tell someone with whom you've been paying to provide a service that you'll no longer require her service, and thank her for the time you've had, then move on. I can't help but be astonished at the amount of young adults lately who are 'afraid' to move on, go forward, etc. due to what someone may think of them on that FB! Or whatever 'social cyber network'.... Do remember, you are a living, breathing human being who simply no longer needs a service @ this barn, thank her, and move on to where you'll be happier. Would be different if your own personal horse was there, etc., but I see nothing complicated in this matter. Good luck! :)
    Hidalgo13 and Shropshirerosie like this.
         
        01-11-2013, 07:22 PM
      #6
    Yearling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by loveduffy    
    If you are unhappy there then move on tell her face to face over facebook is not the way to do it I am 54 years old and I beleave in tell poeple face to face
    I'm only 24 and I agree...

    OP: I know you don't want to hear it but you owe it to yourself to be honest with her. Lying and tip toeing around the situation will only make it worse. What happens when she finds out the truth? How are other people going to trust you if you lie and avoid situations? How can you build any sort of relationship with a new trainer if you can't even bring yourself to be honest with the last? It may be less than ideal but you need to buck up and be honest, for your own sake not hers. I hope you do the right thing for you...
    Posted via Mobile Device
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        01-11-2013, 07:25 PM
      #7
    Started
    Quote:
    If you are unhappy there then move on tell her face to face over facebook is not the way to do it I am 54 years old and I beleave in tell poeple face to face
    I agree and I really wanted to do that in teh first place, but as I said I never had the opportunity to go out to tell her face to face. Now as I dont' want to keep this going, I have no choice but to tell her right away through the internet.
         
        01-11-2013, 07:29 PM
      #8
    Started
    Quote:
    As an adult, you'll find new and different aspects in the world now of how to communicate to people. There is absolutely no reason to be afraid to tell someone with whom you've been paying to provide a service that you'll no longer require her service, and thank her for the time you've had, then move on. I can't help but be astonished at the amount of young adults lately who are 'afraid' to move on, go forward, etc. due to what someone may think of them on that FB! Or whatever 'social cyber network'.... Do remember, you are a living, breathing human being who simply no longer needs a service @ this barn, thank her, and move on to where you'll be happier. Would be different if your own personal horse was there, etc., but I see nothing complicated in this matter. Good luck! :)
    While for a while I was afraid to move on, but I got over that when I changed barns. I'd like to thank you for your comment though. For a while I kept telling myself I didn't care what she thought, but now I realize I do. And yes I have every right to leave and spend my money elsewhere. So I thank you, because I now feel the strength to tell her the truth. That I wasn't feeling comfortable during my last few lessons and decided to look elsewhere. But that I appreciate her teaching me as I know she tried to be as good a trainer she could to me, but it wasn't working.
         
        01-11-2013, 07:48 PM
      #9
    Started
    I told her, now all I can hope is that she won't take it badly and will respect my decision. I thank you all for what you said. It's what I needed to open my eyes and give me the courage to do the right thing. :)
         
        01-11-2013, 08:10 PM
      #10
    Green Broke
    You'll find that being politely assertive comes easier and easier as time goes by :)
    Hidalgo13 and horsecrazygirl like this.
         

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