A Letter to the Owner
First of all, I'm SO happy that you're leaving. Not because you are an incredibly crazy a-- woman who A. Doesn't know a clue about horses and B. Couldn't ride out of a wet paper bag, but because your smart a-- attitude along with your ability to turn the once peacful environment of the barn into a black hole of crap has become completely unbearable.
No, your horse does NOT need a four inch blanket in sixty degrees of weather. This is SAN DIEGO, not Alaska. If you want to move somewhere where a blanket in the winter is required, be my guest. Your horse has a thicker winter coat right now than mine, she'll be TOTALLY fine without a blanket.
This is a ranch that has A LOT of HORSES. Horses attract these little creatures called FLIES. Flies WILL NOT KILL YOUR HORSE. Any ranch you move to is going to have flies! Corrals get cleaned every morning and every night, the flies really arent that bad! GET OVER IT! It really isn't neccesary to rant all the time about the flies. They leave during the winter, they come back during the summer. Whoo.
Standing in the middle of the round pen and flailing around like a fish out of water is NOT going to sufficiently work your horse. Do you wonder why she's scared to death of you? Do you WONDER why she won't stop when you scream "WOOOAAAAH!! WOOOOOAAAH!!" Maybe it's because she's terrified of you and your stupidity!!! Chasing after her in the round pen and screaming at the top of your lungs doesn't do any good either. If I were your horse, I would kick you in the face. Your lucky your horse is so tolerant.
Standing and smacking your horse in the a-- with a whip while yelling "LOAD! LOAD UP GIRL!!! LOAD UP!!!!!" Isn't going to get your stubborn horse to load. Maybe if you actually WORKED with her and didn't treat her like a freaking dog, she'd maybe have a shread of respect for you. Running her into the trailer wont work either. Oh, and while I'm at it, jingle bell shipping halters with matching Christmas shipping boots that also jingle annoyingly aren't getting you anywhere. Get a chihuahuah and stop putting your horse through hell with the ridiculous things you make her wear.
Poking your horse in the muzzle and saying "NO, BAD GIRL! BAD!!!" In a motherly tone while I'm bleeding because she bit a chunk out of my arm is NOT sufficient. She bit me while I'm doing a favor for YOU. The horse gets popped in the face. Don't like it? Quit asking me to do things for you. And don't tell the barn manager on me and spread rumors around the ranch that I hit your precious little horse without telling the entire story. They will take my side every time, I promise you they will.
Just because your horse is an "Ex reiner and is SO well trained!!!" Doesn't mean that she can get away with bloody murder. Try some ground training, and if you can't do it yourself, theres this great invention called a TRAINER who can help you. How bout' that? If she's as well trained as you say she is, she'll stand still when you mount her. She will WOAH when you ask her to. Obviously your horse doesn't understand the meaning of the word STAND or WOAH. Work on that. She's a thousand pound animal. She isn't a dog, and she isn't a cat. She's a HORSE. If she knew she could kill you, she would. Remember that the next time you treat her like a puppy.
Formal dresses and high-heels arent barn clothes. If you ruin your new shoes because you decided to be a blithering idiot and wear them out to the barn, then it's your own fault. We don't want to see you cry, and we
Sure as heck don't want to hear you p-ss and moan about it. Get over it.
Telling me that my horse is gangly won't make me like you. I don't care how nice you put it. "What a cute horse... But why is she so so ugly?" You completely contradicted yourself there. Why would you compliment someone's horse and then ask why they're so ugly? How old are you? Seriously.
Your horse wont die from eating a baby carrot. I PROMISE you this.
Grass is good for horses, as well as daily turn out. I also promise you this.
Asking me what my horses name is and then telling me that her name was/is a bad choice and I should reconsider naming her is completely pointless. Why would you tell me that?
Giving me input on what size horse I SHOULD have is also pointless. I'm 5'5 my horse is 15.1 I do NOT need a shorter horse that I can MOUNT FROM THE GROUND. I'm a fat a-- and my hip hurts. I use a mounting block. Got a problem? I don't care.
I can understand why you would be upset if someone fed your horse a treat without asking you first, honestly I can, but going behind their back and spreading rumors about them is so childish. We're not in junior-high and this ranch is SURE as hell NOT a highschool. Chill out. Coming to them first before you spread a rumor is mature and will get you liked. Promise.
Leaning over the fence and talking to me when I'm trying to work is okay, honestly every once in a while I don't mind. But honestly, I'm here for my horse. Not to talk to you about your life problems and what a horrible day you've been having and how the world is totally against you. I've complimented you before, I've been nice and I've tried to be a good barn neighbor. Do your part, too. I'm not your shrink.
Making snarky and rude comments about my friends and their horses behind their backs is rude enough, but going behind MY back and making snarky and rude comments about ME and MY horse?? What did I ever do to you? Honestly?
Telling us that we don't know what we're talking about it ridiculous. Our horses are all taken well care of and trained (or getting the training they need), but OBVIOUSLY we don't know how to do ANYTHING that involves horses. I hope you're better off there, really I do. But I can guarantee that a barn of that size will NOT tolerate as much from you as we have. They'll probably have more flies, too. I'm almost embarrassed for you.
Have a good life. Let me know next year how your horse is after you've completely ruined her, if she isn't already completely ruined.