I think it's finally time that I give up.
I am going to talk to the local rescues and see if they can help me place Bear in a new home.
My mom just informed me that she is pretty much going broke. I was going to lease a horse since Bear is so messed up, but she told me that I need to hold off on that (as in wait for a year so she can get back on her feet). I feel like having such an expensive horse (he is a bit more expensive then most horses due to all of his problems) is stressing her out and I feel bad. I had someone ask me not to long ago, "Why have a horse if he is going to be lame all the time?" It has been bugging me, mostly because I deep down know that they have a point. Rhedd is leaving soon anyways, so then we wont have any horses and my mom can just focus on fixing this place up so she can sell the farm. I don't know where we will move, and frankly, I don't even care anymore. I have been depressed for the last 4 1/2 months pretty much with a few days were I am actually happy. Oh well, that isn't all that important anyways.
I might talk to some of the barns around here to see if I can work off lessons and or a lease, but really, I feel like just giving up for now and just curling up in a little ball and disappearing. Maybe I will go stay with my dad for a little while, just take a break from things once the horses are gone. I'm not sure as of right now. As I said, I just want to disappear. Maybe I will be able to find a nice barn over by him and be able to work of lessons (no way would I be able to work off a lease, as the barns are expensive over near him).
I just can't do it anymore. It is to much heartbreak having a horse that is lame ALL the time, never knowing what to do for him. I cry over him every day worried sick about him, and I have no idea how much longer I can do it.
I don't know, maybe things will change and Bear will get better and I will want to keep him, but as of right now, I just want to give up and send him somewhere where he will be happy, as he doesn't seem all that happy with me.
Maybe I will just take a break (6-12 months probably) and just focus on my photography and school, as I need to get my grades up anyways.
Cookies to all that read.
You can never take a Thoroughbred away from a horse crazy girl.