Ideally, I want to go and "apprentice" with the trainer I admire (who we bought Tango from) and find a way to gain experience and knowledge, but if she'd even accept me, I don't know that my parents would agree or anything. If ever I doubt myself or sort of hint at how useless I feel, mom doesn't understand in the least and dad gets angry and tells me that I'm doing fine. Yeah, he thinks I'm doing fine because Tango's well-behaved. She's well-behaved and respectful, but I feel so...detached from her. We seem to have no relationship or bond, and it makes me seriously believe that I'm doing something wrong...which I guess I am.
And I can't even ride anymore..besides once a week at lessons, because Tango's lame and who knows how long she'll be off.
I don't know if it's just me in a state of depression, and it'll pass or what. Ever since we first got horses, no matter what we've gone through, I've always felt that no matter what I wanted, I couldn't ever live without them because I'm addicted. Even if I didn't want horses anymore...too late, I'd caught the bug. And I still do feel like that, just with the overlying feeling that I might as well just give up. Any other time I would just say I'm worn out, but this is how I'm feeling after a horseless week of vacation. What would be the point of taking a break from them if, after I just did, I'm still sick of it? I don't know what to do.