I Want Out...I Guess?

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I Want Out...I Guess?

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  • My horse and I don't bond anymore
  • I 'm worn out from caring for horses

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    08-17-2010, 07:04 PM
I Want Out...I Guess?

I really feel like I should leave horses. The thing is, I just can't explain exactly why. To be blunt about it..it's just 'cause I don't feel like I'm good enough for Tango. I don't know enough, I'm inexperienced, and it's just annoying knowing I'm never going to be as good a horseman as any of the people I look up to. I want to be at the point where I can deal with any problem, feel confident and self-assured in any situation...the only reason I'm doing well so far is because Tango has no vices and she's naturally submissive and docile.

Ideally, I want to go and "apprentice" with the trainer I admire (who we bought Tango from) and find a way to gain experience and knowledge, but if she'd even accept me, I don't know that my parents would agree or anything. If ever I doubt myself or sort of hint at how useless I feel, mom doesn't understand in the least and dad gets angry and tells me that I'm doing fine. Yeah, he thinks I'm doing fine because Tango's well-behaved. She's well-behaved and respectful, but I feel so...detached from her. We seem to have no relationship or bond, and it makes me seriously believe that I'm doing something wrong...which I guess I am.

And I can't even ride anymore..besides once a week at lessons, because Tango's lame and who knows how long she'll be off.

I don't know if it's just me in a state of depression, and it'll pass or what. Ever since we first got horses, no matter what we've gone through, I've always felt that no matter what I wanted, I couldn't ever live without them because I'm addicted. Even if I didn't want horses anymore...too late, I'd caught the bug. And I still do feel like that, just with the overlying feeling that I might as well just give up. Any other time I would just say I'm worn out, but this is how I'm feeling after a horseless week of vacation. What would be the point of taking a break from them if, after I just did, I'm still sick of it? I don't know what to do.
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    08-17-2010, 07:25 PM
Green Broke
Just hang in there! Literally. I went through stages like that alot (still do sometimes, though not as bad) where i've thought about just selling my horses & riding a friend's horse if I wanted to ride.
No matter how low it got though, I could never convince myself to sell/give up. You will get better, it just takes time & maybe experience with other horses. Luckily, my aunt breeds/owns alot of horses & she's cool so I help her out around the farm (riding, training, etc..) & there's a couple just across the back road from me who compete & I've done some riding with them as well.
If you know someone nearby who has horses/likes to ride, maybe hook up with them ;) THey'll keep ya going!
    08-17-2010, 07:38 PM
She's well-behaved and respectful, but I feel so...detached from her. We seem to have no relationship or bond, and it makes me seriously believe that I'm doing something wrong...which I guess I am.
I really, truly hate this 'bond' crap that is spewed by so many people. All it does is make people feel like a failure if they can't find that 'magikal bond' with their horse.

It is a MYTH. Sure, some people get along with some horses well. It is equally as common not to, and it has ZERO reflection on you as a horse person!

Horses are not people. They don't 'love'. They seek that which can give them comfort, leadership and food.

I bite my tongue on a lot of the threads here that ask 'Why don't I have a bond?' or 'My horse doesn't like me!'.

Your horse doesn't have to like you. I'm pretty sure Bundy hates my ass a lot of the time because I make him work, and work hard, and if he gets grumpy, I make him work harder.

Please don't feel like you are failing or not up to scratch if you don't have a magikal bond. I would hate to see someone miss out on the joys of horses for such a silly reason.
    08-17-2010, 07:55 PM
Green Broke
What Wild_spot says is true. There is only one horse I've ever owned/known that I felt I had any sort of "bond" for lack of a better word, with (i loved her & she seemed to enjoy my company lol).
I know for a fact that my arab doesnt like me haha. We work well together, but she has no urge to be in my presence if she doesnt have to be.
    08-17-2010, 08:02 PM
I could probably kid myself into thinking Latte and I have a 'bond' - In reality, she loves scratches which I give willingly, I don't intimidate her like a lot of people, and I ahve given her something to do other than stand in a paddock, so she tolerates me :]

I don't think a bond is an amazing emotional connection. My idea of an actually acheivable bond is knowing each other inside and out so that your interaction becomes second nature. That's what I ahve/had with Wildey - but again, he is perfectly happy without me at the moment too!
    08-17-2010, 08:06 PM
I've felt like that before, but it always passes. Things will get better.
I think the core of the problem is between you and your horse. If you don't click with your horse, it saps the enjoyment right out of everything. I think you should consider looking for a new horse. You'd be a lot happier with one that you can connect with.
    08-17-2010, 08:08 PM
Lol. I feel stupid now. I suppose a relationship is not the most important thing. In my own defense when I feel down I always tried to tell myself: "Well at least she's not biting and kicking and hurting you like some other people's horses do" but yeah...clearly it didn't really work. I just would like to be able to communicate with her better and be clearer in my body language and cues...hence why I'd like to go with a real trainer to learn how to..
    08-17-2010, 08:39 PM
Originally Posted by ilyTango    
To be blunt about it..it's just 'cause I don't feel like I'm good enough for Tango. I don't know enough, I'm inexperienced, and it's just annoying knowing I'm never going to be as good a horseman as any of the people I look up to.
Sounds like you've taken something that was enjoyable and turned it into work. Put the work aside for awhile and go back to the fun.
    08-17-2010, 10:03 PM
Green Broke
I agree with PaintHorseMares. Everybody goes thru what you are going thru. You don't have to ride your horse to enjoy her. Here's a great way to spend time on the ground with her. Heres a great way to study into becoming more in tune with her. If everytime I gave up because I was depressed about it for some reason, I would have lost an excellent horse. If you give up on a horse, that seems to me, doesnt have too many flaws and decide later down the road you want to try it again, who knows what you would wind up with. It will take alot of work on your part to become what you want. Alot of time. And if she is lame,, take advantage of that time and figure out what it is you want to start first. Hang in there. I don't ride like I used to, I have major body issues. I hurt every day. But I will tell you,,,, I will never get out of horses or sell my babies even if I could never ride again. There is other things to do besides riding them. Tricks, walking, talking,,,, my get away, my peace.
    08-17-2010, 11:18 PM
I think every die-hard horse person goes through something like this multiple times. I have. Every time I go out to see Otis, to groom him or whatever, I always feel like I could be doing so much more for him - or at least something. It makes me feel like a total failure sometimes.
But I think it's a part of it. For me, horses aren't a sport - it's life!

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