I'm at a loss...
So - I don't know where to go from here.
I'm in a really frustrating position and I hate the idea of giving up, but the longer I keep holding on the worse I feel.
I worked at a horse related business for 2.5 years, not going to go into details about the business as that's an unrelated topic. I worked 5-7 days a week with the same most wonderful Belgian. He was the best! I would spend up to 10 hours a day just hanging out with him, messing with his face putting flowers in his mane and putting sparkles on his hooves. He would tolerate me well. He was truly my best friend. We shared lunches and dinners and ice creams and were just happy together.
By the end of the first year things started to get rough. He has two owners, both business men - one is in it for the money, the other is in it cause he enjoys it and he actually likes his horses pretty well, but both were business men. And when money and horses mix, often the horses suffer. They never did anything atrociously wrong, just not up to my standards of equine care. The guy who likes the money paid him no mind at all when things weren't right, the guys who likes his horses genuinely cared, but just didn't have the knowledge to deal with each situation appropriately. I won't go into the details, but his care was not up to my standard. By the end of the second year I was finally able to afford my own horse, the rescue I was working at gave me permission to board a horse there in exchange for work, I just had to pay for what they used. So naturally I wanted the Belgian I love.
This is when it all began.
The two owners would constantly switch it up - yes you can buy him, not today, no we're not selling. Each one of them giving me a different answer every time we talked. For months I was strung along, before finally the day came when they did something I could no longer deal with. I quit. I left in a bit of a fury and on not so great terms. So I gave up on my Belgian love. I found myself a beautiful project mare who has turned into quite the project!
A year went by and I love my mare very much, but she is not my Belgian. I have repaired my relationship with those two men, and they have promised that when they sell him it will be to me. I was sad, but comfortable with that decision. Then my fiance and I moved, we were able to find a perfect home with a barn attached! I knew my mare couldn't live there alone so I decided to revisit the issue about the Belgian. Again I was met with "sure take him today" and "no we're never going to sell him" back and forth answers for many months. They would be willing to sell one day when business was bad, but when I started to firm up some details they'd change their minds. Both men not talking with each other and not communicating with me. Finally moving day came and the Belgian was not coming home with me, so I took on a pony from the rescue as a permanent foster. I love my new pony very much, we have a great deal of fun together. But he is not my Belgian.
It's now been almost 2 years, I went back, just to visit and was met with "You want him?!" He had broken yet another one of their pieces of equipment. I was thrilled, lined everything up, and yet again they changed their mind. I keep getting strung along then let down. One of the men recently told me a price and a date he'd be happy to sell him to me by/on - the date hasn't arrived yet, but the other man who owns him seems to have no idea of this deal and still isn't thinking about selling. I'm very frustrated, it's not often I can go see them, and I never see the two of them together - the conversations are always awkward as I'm trying to tip-toe around them both so as not to get the wrong answer.
I've cried myself to sleep too many nights over this Belgian, and every day that passes the less sound and the less sane he is becoming. Every day that passes is another chance for him to get seriously injured, sick or pass away. I don't want that to happen without having had the chance to give him a taste of what life as a horse should really be. I can't decide whether to keep trying and just keep waiting and hoping or to just give up and try to move on? I have tried to move on many times and just settle for 'when they're ready they'll call me' but I haven't gone a single day in the past 2 years that I haven't thought about him. I have a stall in my barn cleaned and ready for the day they call me. I even have halters and blankets that friends have given me for 'when I get him'. But I'm beginning to really fear that that day will never come.
Has anyone else been through this? How do you deal with it? Do you keep waiting or do you give up?