I'm at a loss...
 
 

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I'm at a loss...

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  • I'm at a loss

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    10-27-2012, 07:33 PM
  #1
Started
I'm at a loss...

So - I don't know where to go from here.
I'm in a really frustrating position and I hate the idea of giving up, but the longer I keep holding on the worse I feel.

I worked at a horse related business for 2.5 years, not going to go into details about the business as that's an unrelated topic. I worked 5-7 days a week with the same most wonderful Belgian. He was the best! I would spend up to 10 hours a day just hanging out with him, messing with his face putting flowers in his mane and putting sparkles on his hooves. He would tolerate me well. He was truly my best friend. We shared lunches and dinners and ice creams and were just happy together.
By the end of the first year things started to get rough. He has two owners, both business men - one is in it for the money, the other is in it cause he enjoys it and he actually likes his horses pretty well, but both were business men. And when money and horses mix, often the horses suffer. They never did anything atrociously wrong, just not up to my standards of equine care. The guy who likes the money paid him no mind at all when things weren't right, the guys who likes his horses genuinely cared, but just didn't have the knowledge to deal with each situation appropriately. I won't go into the details, but his care was not up to my standard. By the end of the second year I was finally able to afford my own horse, the rescue I was working at gave me permission to board a horse there in exchange for work, I just had to pay for what they used. So naturally I wanted the Belgian I love.
This is when it all began.
The two owners would constantly switch it up - yes you can buy him, not today, no we're not selling. Each one of them giving me a different answer every time we talked. For months I was strung along, before finally the day came when they did something I could no longer deal with. I quit. I left in a bit of a fury and on not so great terms. So I gave up on my Belgian love. I found myself a beautiful project mare who has turned into quite the project!
A year went by and I love my mare very much, but she is not my Belgian. I have repaired my relationship with those two men, and they have promised that when they sell him it will be to me. I was sad, but comfortable with that decision. Then my fiance and I moved, we were able to find a perfect home with a barn attached! I knew my mare couldn't live there alone so I decided to revisit the issue about the Belgian. Again I was met with "sure take him today" and "no we're never going to sell him" back and forth answers for many months. They would be willing to sell one day when business was bad, but when I started to firm up some details they'd change their minds. Both men not talking with each other and not communicating with me. Finally moving day came and the Belgian was not coming home with me, so I took on a pony from the rescue as a permanent foster. I love my new pony very much, we have a great deal of fun together. But he is not my Belgian.
It's now been almost 2 years, I went back, just to visit and was met with "You want him?!" He had broken yet another one of their pieces of equipment. I was thrilled, lined everything up, and yet again they changed their mind. I keep getting strung along then let down. One of the men recently told me a price and a date he'd be happy to sell him to me by/on - the date hasn't arrived yet, but the other man who owns him seems to have no idea of this deal and still isn't thinking about selling. I'm very frustrated, it's not often I can go see them, and I never see the two of them together - the conversations are always awkward as I'm trying to tip-toe around them both so as not to get the wrong answer.

I've cried myself to sleep too many nights over this Belgian, and every day that passes the less sound and the less sane he is becoming. Every day that passes is another chance for him to get seriously injured, sick or pass away. I don't want that to happen without having had the chance to give him a taste of what life as a horse should really be. I can't decide whether to keep trying and just keep waiting and hoping or to just give up and try to move on? I have tried to move on many times and just settle for 'when they're ready they'll call me' but I haven't gone a single day in the past 2 years that I haven't thought about him. I have a stall in my barn cleaned and ready for the day they call me. I even have halters and blankets that friends have given me for 'when I get him'. But I'm beginning to really fear that that day will never come.

Has anyone else been through this? How do you deal with it? Do you keep waiting or do you give up?
     
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    10-27-2012, 07:38 PM
  #2
Trained
Can you get these two men together at the same time and place and sit down and talk with them? It seems like you're constantly catching them separately, which is leading to all the confusion and heartache.
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    10-27-2012, 07:40 PM
  #3
Trained
I think that would drive most people nuts. It does sound very frustating. If you want that particular horse, it doesn't sound like there's much you can do other than hold the stall for him and hope the day comes when they decide to sell him to you. Hope it works out for you.
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    10-27-2012, 07:51 PM
  #4
Started
Quote:
Originally Posted by DraftyAiresMum    
Can you get these two men together at the same time and place and sit down and talk with them? It seems like you're constantly catching them separately, which is leading to all the confusion and heartache.
I wish, again it's all tip-toeing, if I talk to both of them at once neither will commit to anything. It's also very hard to get either of them together. I honestly feel like I get no where with them.

I think Puck is right - just gotta keep waiting. He keeps ruining more of their things, hopefully they'll just get fed up with that.
     
    10-27-2012, 08:14 PM
  #5
Trained
I'd show up with the amount of money I was willing to pay and hold it in my hand where they could see it. I would say, "I will give you $XXX today. If you don't take it today, I'm walking away forever. You have 5 mins. To say yes or no." and I'd make it stick. If they didn't say yes, right then I would walk away and never visit, call or speak with them again and I would let go forever of that horse. They are playing games and it's just a big waste of time.
     
    10-27-2012, 10:41 PM
  #6
Started
You're so right >.< I don't know if I've got the guts to do that though!
     
    10-27-2012, 11:33 PM
  #7
Super Moderator
Or, send a proxy to do this for you, someone who is very firm and has no emotional chain that they can yank. Send your fiancee or another man; they will bargain with a man while with a woman they will feel ok to be wishy washy. Then do as Dream says; offer them a good price with an ultimatum (and back it up with the fact that you will fill his space in your barn with another Belgium if they say no.
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    10-27-2012, 11:39 PM
  #8
Started
That's a good idea to send someone else xD I think my fiance would end up killing one of them if I sent him, I'll see if I can find a gentler guy to do it. You're right about the emotional chains to pull.
Honestly, if I don't get him I wouldn't get another horse though. That's what I keep doing, I got my mare when I couldn't get him, then I got my pony, and I love them both, but they aren't my Belgian.

ETA: Thank you all <3 I really just needed to vent, my fiance is so sick of hearing about this and so is kind of everyone else around me - I just hate being strung along, but I really don't know what else I can do other than just give up, which breaks my heart to even think about. I've been careful to be persistant, but not obnoxious when I go to visit. But I'm just getting so sick of this back and forth.
     
    10-28-2012, 12:04 AM
  #9
Foal
I hope it works out! I agree with trying to get both of them in the same room or in a three way call somehow and having someone there with you or go and do it for you. I had a similar problem when I was younger with a horse my trainer leased/owned. The owner of the horse told my trainer that she could have the horse so I got all excited but about three years later they took him back. :/
     
    10-28-2012, 03:42 PM
  #10
Weanling
Aww this made me so sad, when you have such an incredible bond with a horse, and you come so close to having him, and they're snatching him away. What an awful situation, I truly hope you get him.
     

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