I'm nervous and panicking.

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I'm nervous and panicking.

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    07-14-2013, 06:55 PM
I'm nervous and panicking.

So I got the job working with the well known cowhorse trainer, most of you know that.

It's not that I don't like it, it's that I feel SO pressured. I understand that, but he has higher expectations than I have ever had to live up to.

I'm riding two year olds and three year olds right now. Some days I feel like I'm doing awesome, and he compliments me a lot. Then the next day, I'm making all kinds of mistakes, and I feel like a total failure.

Yesterday was one of those days. Let's just say the two year olds are having major baby phases. One has learned to bend her head and fling her body the other direction. The other gets pissy sometimes and likes to throw a kick, always quickly reprimanded. We have them loping nice circles, on the flag and doing well, and getting off my leg it's just some of those things that make me feel useless. And since we're on the transition period and I haven't been there very long, I feel uncomfortable getting after these colts like I would my own. But, if I don't get after them, then they learn bad things.

He has me doing things I've never done, and can't communicate worth a **** what he actually wants done. He's not good at explaining, and it's stressful to me because I don't want to ruin these nice colts.

So now I'm sitting here thinking about the bad day yesterday, and getting more nervous. I have to work again tomorrow and my heart is racing at the thought. I'm scared of having another one of those days and him deciding I'm just not good enough to ride his horses anymore. I NEED this job, we're losing our house and might have to find new arrangements for the horses we have and I'm just freaking out. We make just BARELY over the food stamp requirements right now...

Ugh, just me being over reactive...I'm hoping things go better tomorrow.
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    07-14-2013, 06:58 PM
Sounds like you could use some prayers and good vibes sent your way. I'll send both. :)
    07-14-2013, 07:06 PM
BREATH!!!! Tomorrow is another day. Start out on the right foot & Beleive in yourself. You didn't get where you are by chance
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    07-14-2013, 07:06 PM
It's so hard not to be nervous about these types of things, but if he didn't like you he wouldn't have hired you. You have to keep doing what you know how to do. If you weren't good at it, I doubt you would have made it this far already!

I'm sure the longer you're there the more comfortable you'll feel.

Remember- he doesn't have to give you compliments so you must be doing something to impress him and bring out those words!

Keep your head up. I'm sure it'll all pass.
    07-14-2013, 07:11 PM
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    07-14-2013, 07:11 PM
I think a conversation is in order. Why not express your concerns? That way he may be able to help you more and not wonder what you are thinking.
    07-14-2013, 07:26 PM
Breathe girlie. You know what you're doing and exactly: You would have been canned already if you weren't doing things the way he wanted. Take pride in that!!

I agree it is appropriate to have a conversation with your boss. Let him know you don't always understand what he wants you to do. I would never look down on my employees if they came and asked me to explain things better; but I would not be happy if they just "guessed" and did it wrong. So there is nothing wrong with asking for better clarification.

Every day is a new day. Colts have baby days; you know that! So you ARE going to have bad days sometimes. It's just going to happen with horses. Accept it for what it is, do what you need to do to correct them, and move on.

Hang in there!
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    07-14-2013, 08:23 PM
Originally Posted by littrella    
BREATH!!!! Tomorrow is another day. Start out on the right foot & Beleive in yourself. You didn't get where you are by chance

Sums it up nicely. Take a deep breath, and another and another until you settle down. You got this job on your own merits and I am sure this trainer doesn't expect you to be perfect.
Skyseternalangel likes this.
    07-14-2013, 08:29 PM
Thanks guys...I'm really hoping that he can keep me around. He did have a little conversation with me, saying "I know this is different than how you've ever ridden before, but I need to help you so you can help me."

I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing...He asked me yesterday why I was making so many mistakes, I just told him I was nervous and not thinking straight. He said, "You have to think straight." and walked away.

I know I have to think straight, but at my old barn I was well regarded, people trusted what I was doing because I grew up with my trainer and knew her methods inside and out. I could do things without having to worry about impressing someone.

My main thing too that makes me nervous is that I told him about my old trainer. Turns out they knew each other and showed together, but he told me he didn't like her methods at all and that he didn't like using them...But that's all I know...Both of them have incredible reputations, so I'm backed into a corner of "do what I know and not ask permission" or "try and learn a completely new method from this guy"

It would be nice to combine the two but...Not my horses. Sigh.

On a totally unrelated note, I miss my old barn. I can't afford the drive there anymore. I miss my barn "family". My trainer texts me nonstop and asks me when I'm coming to ride again. It's physically painful for me to say "I can't afford to." She offered me a room at her house last winter...I'm thinking about texting her and asking if the offer still stands, and just seeing if I can work full time there. So far, this new place is just killing me. I hope it gets better soon.
    07-14-2013, 08:38 PM
Green Broke
Like everyone said if he didn't see something in you that showed you could do the job then you wouldn't be there.

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