It's not that I don't like it, it's that I feel SO pressured. I understand that, but he has higher expectations than I have ever had to live up to.
I'm riding two year olds and three year olds right now. Some days I feel like I'm doing awesome, and he compliments me a lot. Then the next day, I'm making all kinds of mistakes, and I feel like a total failure.
Yesterday was one of those days. Let's just say the two year olds are having major baby phases. One has learned to bend her head and fling her body the other direction. The other gets pissy sometimes and likes to throw a kick, always quickly reprimanded. We have them loping nice circles, on the flag and doing well, and getting off my leg it's just some of those things that make me feel useless. And since we're on the transition period and I haven't been there very long, I feel uncomfortable getting after these colts like I would my own. But, if I don't get after them, then they learn bad things.
He has me doing things I've never done, and can't communicate worth a **** what he actually wants done. He's not good at explaining, and it's stressful to me because I don't want to ruin these nice colts.
So now I'm sitting here thinking about the bad day yesterday, and getting more nervous. I have to work again tomorrow and my heart is racing at the thought. I'm scared of having another one of those days and him deciding I'm just not good enough to ride his horses anymore. I NEED this job, we're losing our house and might have to find new arrangements for the horses we have and I'm just freaking out. We make just BARELY over the food stamp requirements right now...
Ugh, just me being over reactive...I'm hoping things go better tomorrow.