He grilled me all day. Asked me repeatedly why I was so stupid and why I didn't learn anything in school. And even with the last patient of the day (who are used to us interns being around), him and the patient made fun of me the entire time during the patient's appointment.
To top off the end of my first day, the doctor asked me if I wanted to continue the internship (of course I said yes), and then sent me home carrying about 10 heavy books. Oh, and it was raining on my walk home.
I bawled while I walked home. It was the most horrendous day of my life. And I had 3 more months of that.
And this went on for about 2 to 3 weeks of the same.
Being called stupid every single day.
Getting yelled at because I wasn't fast enough.
And not having the dignity of a name. All I was referred to was "STUDENT".
It was horrible.
But those first 2 to 3 weeks are his way of "testing" you. Once I started to prove to him that I do know what I'm doing, I do know some of the answers, and I'm doing a good job, he did start to (in a way) lay off a little bit.
His derogatory comments switched over to more sarcastic joking ones that I could at least sling a comment back at him in rebuttal. When he would ask me questions I didn't know the answer to, I'd simply grab my pocket notebook, write it down, and say "Oh geez, Dr. ______. I have no idea. I'll look it up and tell you tomorrow." Yea, he'd still call me stupid at least once a day, but I started to know better that he didn't really mean it, but he wanted me to work my butt off.
Long story short --> Out of all my internships, this was the best one. I learned so much. Good mentors and good teachers aren't always the ones that you like, but they certainly are the ones who push you to be the absolute best you can be. His way of pushing was a bit unorthedox (sp?), but we still remain in contact to this day, and I know if I ever have a challenging case I have an excellent resource to call up. And if I am ever passing through and need a place to stay, there door is always open.
Thanks guys...I'm really hoping that he can keep me around. He did have a little conversation with me, saying "I know this is different than how you've ever ridden before, but I need to help you so you can help me." |
I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing...He asked me yesterday why I was making so many mistakes, I just told him I was nervous and not thinking straight. He said, "You have to think straight." and walked away.
But he's right. You know what you are doing, you know how to ride the colts, so show him what you are capable of. Think straight.
|I know I have to think straight, but at my old barn I was well regarded, people trusted what I was doing because I grew up with my trainer and knew her methods inside and out. I could do things without having to worry about impressing someone.|
Being nervous is normal. But you've just got to control it on the outside. Yes, you do have to impress him. That's true. But you've got the tools to do it. Show him!
And if you don't know how to do something, then ask him before he points out you are doing it wrong. Beat him to the punch. I definitely made that my strategy working with that doctor. If I asked him a question about something before he questioned me on it, I didn't get called stupid. I got the answer!
|It would be nice to combine the two but...Not my horses. Sigh.|
One example I can bring up with this same doctor, is that at another internship I did before his, we always did a certain thing for our after cataract surgery patients. So my first one I had with this doctor, I jumped right in and did it. When he finally came in, he said "Student. Why the hell did you _______?" I learned quick to do things his way and not the way I had done it with other doctors.
So yeah, just do things his way how he tells you. Plus who knows? You may learn something new.
You most certainly can always combine what you've learned later, on your own.
|So far, this new place is just killing me. I hope it gets better soon.|