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I'm nervous and panicking.

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        07-16-2013, 10:03 AM
      #11
    Green Broke
    Let me tell you a little story about one of my medical internships. On my first day, when the office manager introduced me to the doctor I would be working under for 3 months, he looked down his nose at me (and I think actually sneered at me), said "Hmmphf. STUDENT." and then turned and walked away.



    He grilled me all day. Asked me repeatedly why I was so stupid and why I didn't learn anything in school. And even with the last patient of the day (who are used to us interns being around), him and the patient made fun of me the entire time during the patient's appointment.

    To top off the end of my first day, the doctor asked me if I wanted to continue the internship (of course I said yes), and then sent me home carrying about 10 heavy books. Oh, and it was raining on my walk home.

    I bawled while I walked home. It was the most horrendous day of my life. And I had 3 more months of that.

    And this went on for about 2 to 3 weeks of the same.

    Being called stupid every single day.

    Getting yelled at because I wasn't fast enough.

    And not having the dignity of a name. All I was referred to was "STUDENT".

    It was horrible.


    But those first 2 to 3 weeks are his way of "testing" you. Once I started to prove to him that I do know what I'm doing, I do know some of the answers, and I'm doing a good job, he did start to (in a way) lay off a little bit.

    His derogatory comments switched over to more sarcastic joking ones that I could at least sling a comment back at him in rebuttal. When he would ask me questions I didn't know the answer to, I'd simply grab my pocket notebook, write it down, and say "Oh geez, Dr. ______. I have no idea. I'll look it up and tell you tomorrow." Yea, he'd still call me stupid at least once a day, but I started to know better that he didn't really mean it, but he wanted me to work my butt off.

    Long story short --> Out of all my internships, this was the best one. I learned so much. Good mentors and good teachers aren't always the ones that you like, but they certainly are the ones who push you to be the absolute best you can be. His way of pushing was a bit unorthedox (sp?), but we still remain in contact to this day, and I know if I ever have a challenging case I have an excellent resource to call up. And if I am ever passing through and need a place to stay, there door is always open.

    Quote:
    Thanks guys...I'm really hoping that he can keep me around. He did have a little conversation with me, saying "I know this is different than how you've ever ridden before, but I need to help you so you can help me."

    I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing...He asked me yesterday why I was making so many mistakes, I just told him I was nervous and not thinking straight. He said, "You have to think straight." and walked away.
    Hey, look at the bright side. And least he didn't call you stupid.

    But he's right. You know what you are doing, you know how to ride the colts, so show him what you are capable of. Think straight.

    Quote:
    I know I have to think straight, but at my old barn I was well regarded, people trusted what I was doing because I grew up with my trainer and knew her methods inside and out. I could do things without having to worry about impressing someone.
    Tell me about it. I went from handling things on my own and being trusted at all 3 prior internships before I got to that doctor. I was SO nervous and SO scared any time I was even around him. To this day, if I have a question in my mind about something, I ask myself "Well, what would Dr. _______ do?"

    Being nervous is normal. But you've just got to control it on the outside. Yes, you do have to impress him. That's true. But you've got the tools to do it. Show him!

    And if you don't know how to do something, then ask him before he points out you are doing it wrong. Beat him to the punch. I definitely made that my strategy working with that doctor. If I asked him a question about something before he questioned me on it, I didn't get called stupid. I got the answer!

    Quote:
    It would be nice to combine the two but...Not my horses. Sigh.
    Yup, don't combine them. Just do it his way.

    One example I can bring up with this same doctor, is that at another internship I did before his, we always did a certain thing for our after cataract surgery patients. So my first one I had with this doctor, I jumped right in and did it. When he finally came in, he said "Student. Why the hell did you _______?" I learned quick to do things his way and not the way I had done it with other doctors.

    So yeah, just do things his way how he tells you. Plus who knows? You may learn something new.

    You most certainly can always combine what you've learned later, on your own.


    Quote:
    So far, this new place is just killing me. I hope it gets better soon.
    Hang tough. Treat this as a wonderful learning experience! And always remember every day is a new day.
         
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        07-16-2013, 11:09 AM
      #12
    Trained
    Agree with Beau. He IS trying to communicate, has a slightly different way of doing it.
    I would ask him if not sure, before he can say something, beat him to it. The only stupid question is the one never asked, remember?
    I always appreciate a straight forward teacher/ boss much more than the nice one who stabs you in the back later.
    Go and talk to him about the problems you encounter with the colts. Tell him your solution to it, ask if he has a better one. Get the conversation going. Think straight, as he says.
    I know it's hard, being in your situation, you're under a lot of stress already. But you WILL take something home every day, new experiences, solutions, questions, which in turn makes you better. Not only a better trainer, a better person also.
    You CAN handle that, you're a woman, remember
         

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