Jealous Family rant

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Jealous Family rant

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    12-04-2012, 01:51 PM
Jealous Family rant

I don't know how to be brief and explain the background on this subject but I'll do my best.
Anyone have a family member who feels the need to compete with you and brag all the time on how wonderful their horse is and what they've accomplished in the horse world? For one, they are just that kind of person with everything but for two they make you sick of hearing it all the time.
This started when I was real young. Both my parents split and I lived with my (maternal) grandparents to raise me most of my teenage life. I started living with them when I was 10 and I knew my dads sister had horses and she inspired my horse loving bone. So upon returning to my grandparents after a visit with my dad and his family I spoke to them alot about horse lessons since they couldn't afford to get me a horse and everyone when they are young says "I want a horse or a pony".
My grandma never liked that I was into horses but I started lessons and loved loved loved it. I faced alot of snotty people and some falls and of course my grandma was all about me just giving it up because it was too dangerous! But I never gave up, never!
I'm so glad I didn't, its something I accomplished all by myself in life.

Anyhow, meanwhile my moms brother and his wife bought a horse and of course my cousin became a regular in horse shows and did all the cool stuff I wanted to do. They were very nice and always shared with me and let me show. Now I'm questioning whether it was to make fun of me or just because they felt they had to so my grandma would be happy.

Fast forward to my first horse that my dad bought for me. The only thing he ever did for me but he got me what I always wanted. I was so happy and of course we boarded together at my aunts and cousins barn. They would constantly complain about how bad my horse was and my aunt freaked when I wanted to show up early at the barn the next morning to see my horse that first week. She didn't want me there and I could tell. Well after a year of taking my horse to my friends barns and having fun I realized I had to sell her because I was going off to college and no one was going to support my horse for me. So I did what I had to do. My mother was always very supportive but she wasn't well and I didn't want to leave that on her.
So now 10 years later I have a great job and finally can be a responsible horse owner. Soon my husband and I are going to buy our own spread and get another horse for him. I don't see my aunt often or my cousin, they don't talk to us very much for some reason.
Every time I've talked about owning again there is always some comment from my aunt or cousin and now from my cousins husband. I don't understand why they have to always say something behind my back. I always find out about it because they say it to my grandma and I always hear about it. Or they ask me all these questions like my cousins husband said yesterday "not that its any of my business but why did yall get a horse?"
I can't help it if I'm responsible with my money and I'm not depending on mom and dad still. She has a horse that she doesn't ride because he's lame, they just had a baby and can't afford any of their bills. Several people in town are discussing reporting them because there is no grass for the horse and people have found no water for the horse. They had several boarders leave. I don't talk about anything they are doing wrong so why do they insist on picking on my life when things are going good for me. I just lost my mom this year and if they are family that loves me then they should be glad for me. Why are they still acting like jealous pricks?
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    12-04-2012, 02:14 PM
Why do you CARE what these people say? If you haven't had anything to do with them in years, how can what they say bother you? You can only be made to feel bad if you allow it. Stop allowing it.

You're no longer a child and not dependent on them, so stop listening to vicious gossip. I have to wonder at your grandmother passing on such hurtful things, honestly. What is it she's trying to do?

As far as being passive-aggressive and talking to other people about THEM, you need to stop that right now. You can't claim the moral high ground if you're doing the same thing.
AlexS, MsBHavin, Bellasmom and 4 others like this.
    12-04-2012, 03:37 PM
Thankyou for the advice. You're exactly right, I never want to act the same. I have always wondered about my grandmother too. Its not a comfortable feeling there either. Thanks for listening.
Speed Racer likes this.
    12-04-2012, 03:39 PM
I too cannot understand why you care what they think. You are an adult now and making your own choices.
    12-04-2012, 03:45 PM
I guess its because I only felt close to my mom in the family. I was hoping that I could be closer to the only family members I have left.
But instead I'm grateful I have a wonderful husband and son to share life with.
Speed Racer, AlexS and Ripplewind like this.
    12-04-2012, 03:52 PM
Blood ties are overrated. Stop sharing info with them. Keep visiting if you like but don't volunteer info on your horsey life. Anything they say just respond either with huge exuberance or disinterest depending on your style.
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Speed Racer and AlexS like this.
    12-04-2012, 04:01 PM
Yeah. We mostly don't disclose much about what we do for that reason. Guess we'll have to go back to that again. Yet my grandparents wonder why we don't share much info with them. Um duh because then old grandma discusses everything with guess who, her son and his wife. So tired of being the subject of their insecurities. They can be miserable all they want, I'm going to be happy.
    12-04-2012, 04:05 PM
Good for you! You have a wonderful family of your own who loves you, and that's all that matters.

You should feel sorry for them, being such unhappy people that they have to talk trash about their own kin.
    12-04-2012, 04:07 PM
Honesty if they make a big deal over why you don't share, be honest. Tell them that it creates drama for you.

A cautionary piece of advice!
My dad constantly complains that I don't call enough and I point out that a. He could call me, b. He complains that I don't call enough regardless how often I call and I'm not calling daily, c. He also bothers me incessantly to have children (I've made it clear that I do not want children). Even though I tell him what would fix the behavior he doesn't like, he doesn't change so I don't either.
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    12-04-2012, 04:17 PM
Huntergirl, it is totally ok to not share parts of your life with unruly family members. Sometimes that is just the way it has to be if you indeed feel like you must remain in contact with them. When they ask, just smile and say "we are doin' great." and leave it at that. You sound like you are living a wonderful, well-adjusted adult life! Be proud! Be the bigger (and smarter ;) ) person! Plus, the less info you give, the more mysterious you seem...and that will probably drive them bonkers! ;)
fkcb1988 likes this.

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