I have been feeling so bummed and down lately… and I’m just not sure why… but I have a pretty good idea what’s bothering me.
I sold my dream horse because I thought it was the right thing to do at the time, I now know it wasn’t and he has a great home so I am happy for him; but, I do miss him so much.
I finally have a quality barn to board and ride at…. And now I want my quality horse back. Breaker, the horse I sold, was the only ‘nice quality’ horse I ever owned. He was my dream horse, and he could have easily taken me in the western pleasure direction I wanted and still want to go in. Now I have the barn, the experience and help… but not the horse. It just breaks my heart.
I have been through having a horse for three years trying to make it a western pleasure horse just to wake up one day to my instructor telling me it was impossible, he was something of a non-gaited Tn Walker/Paint/Mustang looking mix and I was to young to realize that it just was impossible…. And after THREE years of telling me it could work one day my instructor finally told me the truth… and I sold him not long after to a trail riding home where he would finally be happy without me forcing issues that he could not physically do (I felt terrible for trying for those three years, when he was such a great horse and our ‘training problems’ were mearnly conformation flaws)… not long after that I got Breaker because I was then older and smarter and knew what I wanted….
I love my Spud. He is so cute, fuzzy, and I love learning about all the horse growing pains of having a foal to bring up. I know it is wrong to say it, but when I look at Spudster, I have this feeling of guilt because I know he will end up not being what I want. I am so used to disappointment, in people, barns, horses, myself… that it is hard to even get excited about his future. I wanted something I could keep forever, that would take me in the direction I wanted to go… I didn’t even truly want Spud, but I just could not walk away from him after meeting him in the hole he was living in. I just don’t want another heart break because he isn’t conformationally capable of what I’m looking for. Three years is a lot of time and money… and in three years I’d like to have a horse that I REALLY want… not just one I feel stuck with.
I found a horse I would DIE to have:
He is amazing, and looks very similar to Breaker…I REALLY want him. I would buy him right this second if I didn’t have Spud… and you cannot tell me Spud is the same quality.
I just want a horse that will take me some place; I have the barn and the trainer….
Perhaps it is just winter blues… I don’t know… but I feel like I’m never getting anywhere because when I had the nice horse I didn’t have the help…. Now I have the help and not the horse! I’m sick of drifting around in the state of ‘impossible’ and always wanting what I will never have when I could have had it all!
I’m so confused about where to go from here…. I feel like just saying the heck with it, the heck with horses all together… I’m never going to get any further than where I am now anyway… and it isn’t any fun when you never reach any of your goals.
Any food for thought would really help me out....