I have two riding horses, which is a probably lot for me as I ride alone, and also have a adopted rescue filly, but she's too young to be ridden yet, so she's just fattening up in the pasture... ok, so that's basic background.
I am thinking of taking a big step in my career, going from working full time at one company, to going freelance. I really feel like its time, and its supposed to be a positive move. It means that I will hopefully be making a lot more money than I'm making now, but of course, there are risks and no guarantees, and I may be making less some months or whatever. I'm even preparing to make nothing for a few months; saving up money so the horses and I can at least eat and live for this interim period.
As it stands now, my full time job is really more than full time, and I only get to go riding once in the week, and then as much as possible on the weekends. But that's not a lot! Hopefully I will also have more time once I am freelance. But it bugs me nonetheless! I wish I could keep my horses at home where I could at least see them everyday!
But anyway, maybe its just the stress piling up, but I really don't feel like a good horse owner right now... I wish I could give them unlimited time/money, but now I'm preparing to go through a scary period where there may not be much money for a month or two, at least ( I wont be getting a salary any more obviously, so even if I do freelance work right away, it will be a month or two before clients pay)...
If I knew back then that this decision was looming, I would've stuck to one horse, but of course, I could afford a pasture full of 'em then, so that's what I got! I love them to death honestly... so I don't want to be unfair on them either way. I really want to do what's best for them, but I'm not sure I know what that is...
Should I let them go? Cut down on numbers? Or just save up as planned for the basics, and cut down on the luxuries and lessons for a few months, and hope I make it through? Am I a terrible horse owner?
Do I just sound like a brat!?! Why do I feel so awful?!
The stress is eating me.