Keeping your cool *rant*
I love showing. I love everything about it, the atmosphere, the crowd, the horses, the prep, everything. I mainly like helping people during shows, i like to help them get ready and ride. I would much rather help people than show. But when i do show i dont do it to win, i do it because i enjoy it. At the peak of my showing "career" with Roman i was loving it. I went into every class with a smile on my face. I would talk to people during the class, i would laugh, i would dance (local 4h shows only). I went out there to have a good time riding my horse. I found that i always placed top 3 whenever i didnt have a care in the world.
Now when i take a riding test, i always seem to mess it up. I will be warming up and doing wonderful. Once i am testing it all goes to ****. I pull a blank, i rush, i get fast with my hands, and i make really dumb mistakes. I know better then to make these mistakes. I ride Leroy twice a day, i work one on one with trainers atleast twice a week. But as soon as i start testing i turn into a mess. What is wrong with me?! I lose sleep at night going over and over what i am going to do; how i am going to do it on the test. I used to shine riding under pressure. I used to make it fun, i used to love it. Now I cant sleep at night.
I feel like the teachers expect alot out of me. Since i am always there, always working with him. They told me last year that i had alot of potential to be a trainer. But i feel like i am letting them down! They see me during riding hours and Cindy always comments on how great Leroy is doing. But then he goes to hell during a test. I got a 73% on my midterm. 73%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What the crap was i thinking?! I had no position for the lope, i was too close to the wall, my hands were everywhere an so was he. I didnt even practice the lope before my test. What is my problem?!!?!?!?!?
Last year we had a trail test. I was on a very broke ex-reiner. We had to back out of an L. We had been doing perfectly for 2 weeks, flawless. Then when test time came, i crapped out and backed him away from the L. Its so frustrating!!!!!! Tomorrow i have my showmanship midterm & Leroy has been really heavy about coming forward. But once he is with me, he is with me. The last showmanship test he decided he didnt want to walk off from a stop. Or pivot Really?! His pivots are near perfect, and he always walks off no matter what.
Im done ranting...kudos for reading. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.