I know, I read what I wrote after and I can't believe I said it either. She's not worthless, even if she ends up as a pasture pet.
I'm very hormonal right now. I'm going through a long drawn out miscarriage (my 8th) and I'm upset about that, and upset about the farrier's visit to Carolina. And the lack of co-operation from the "agent."
Well, not about the visit, just that the farrier showed me a tonne of stuff about Carolina that I didn't realise and now I feel stupid and mean. I didn't know she was in pain, I just thought her topline needed muscle. Turns out her hips are out and her right shoulder is out too. Ok, no biggie. I can get that sorted out. But there's no idea of how long she's been that way.
And then, to top it off, she has the nose bleeding. Which I was told I could compete with her regardless. Then when talking with a dressage judge, she said there was no way a judge would allow us to even enter the ring. So I had the vet out again to find out what's wrong, he won't scope her, so he "guessed" it's gutteral pouch mycosis which requires surgery. Because she also has a huge lump on her throatlatch.
But then it's quite possible the lump is a swollen lymph node, which is great, all that needs is antibiotics and we're back to the bleeding. Which "could" be caused by threadworms in her lungs. That's the only thing the new vet thinks it could be - considering her extensive competitive career. And all that requires is tube worming. So that's ok, I can deal with that.
I hate that I am the one to always be cleaning up someone else's messes. I'm always taking in half starved, broke down horses. When I was taking in OTTBs and retraining them for pleasure horses, I felt like I had a purpose. I still wasn't getting back to eventing, but because of my children being so young I was ok with that.
I was assured that with feeding and some minor TLC Carolina would be the girl I could start back with. I hate that I was lied to. I hate that I'm a grown woman and didn't even see that.