Lesson Barn Conflict - Page 2 - The Horse Forum

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post #11 of 15 Old 12-27-2012, 12:07 AM
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You can bend over backwards to keep the peace to a point. After that point, you're just being bent over. I'm guessing you're a year or 2 older, just stop her in her tracks and tell her to quit. Quietly. When she says, "NO I'll.......blah blah", you just say, "I said I'd do it, go find something else to do.". She's taken charge like a spoiled pony, and now when you tell her no, be ready for a bit of resistance just like the pony would give. Stay calm, cool, fair and firm, she'll let it go or she won't. You can get the instructor involved at any point.

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post #12 of 15 Old 12-27-2012, 12:23 AM
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Originally Posted by Honeybadger View Post
The problem is, it's never phrased as "You can't give Max his meds"
It's always phrased like she's doing me a favor: "I'll give Max his meds, he's really hard to give medicine to."
And then I go "Oh I don't mind, I have lots of practice/I've done it before"
And she usually just replies with whatever excuse she used in the first place and elaborates to make herself sound better. "Oh no, he's really hard to give medicine to. He probably spat it out when you did it."

I don't think Max prefers you giving him meds over me, I'll do it just fine. Thanks for your concern. I can manage.

Another example:
Her: "Tiffany needs to be turned out today."
Me: "Oh, ok! I'll do it right after this."
"Oh, you know what? I'll do it. She's a little nutty."
"Oh...you know she used to be one of the horses I groomed back at the other barn, I know how to handle her."
"Except she didn't get out yesterday so she'll probably be really wild. I'll just do it."

I can manage her, thanks for your concern. Stand back if you are concerned, I've got this.

I guess I could have just grabbed the medicine tube or the lead line and done it anyway. But to keep the peace, I just let her do it.
By keeping the peace, you are driving yourself insane and she is walking over you. You can keep the peace and still assert yourself. I put example answers in red above.
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post #13 of 15 Old 12-27-2012, 01:15 AM
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Don't get upset if she calls you names, says she is better than you, that you are a terrible horse handler, that you suck, and that you should probably give up horses because you will never be any good at it. Don't respond to the insults that might come about. Don't get mad. Don't try to fight her over it or tell her off. Just ignore it when she says things like that. When she is nice, then respond to that. Do nt get into a fight with this person. She will win because you are the more sensitive of the pair it seems. Good luck!
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post #14 of 15 Old 12-27-2012, 01:51 AM
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Originally Posted by LadyDreamer View Post
Don't get upset if she calls you names, says she is better than you, that you are a terrible horse handler, that you suck, and that you should probably give up horses because you will never be any good at it. Don't respond to the insults that might come about. Don't get mad. Don't try to fight her over it or tell her off. Just ignore it when she says things like that. When she is nice, then respond to that. Do nt get into a fight with this person. She will win because you are the more sensitive of the pair it seems. Good luck!
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Exactly, take the high road, be the bigger person. What other people think of you is their business.
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post #15 of 15 Old 12-28-2012, 11:30 AM
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Continue to do what you know is right and just ignore other people's comments. If you know what is best for the horses, that's the reason why you are there. I recommend giving her the benefit of the doubt, as she probably is doing this as nothing personal but just because she enjoys being a power figure. Some people are like that. God bless.
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