:( A long question about parents not spending on horseriding? - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 30 Old 11-05-2012, 03:48 AM Thread Starter
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:( A long question about parents not spending on horseriding?

I'm really emotional right now, and I'm actually crying over this.
I've been riding for 4 years now. My parents refused to let me buy my own riding equipment (helmet, boots e.t.c.) until this year and instead made me use the old, stretched, too big and overused boots and helmets at the place where I ride and made me wear the helmets there (a few of which have cracks which I know means they are damaged in some way and could be unsafe). It took them four years to let me get 1 pair of riding boots ($60, cheapest pair of paddock boots) and a pair of jodhpurs ($45, cheapest possible pair we could find). Previously I had to wear jeans.
The place I ride at costs $15 an hour, and basically all you do it ride around a bit, walk over poles (no trotting/cantering allowed) and occasionally trot or canter down a stretch of dirt. Other times we walk around on the horses in the forest for an hour. It isn't a proper riding place, it is owned by a lovely older lady who loves her horses.
I really want to start getting actual lessons and really learning about what riding is about. There are two riding places I can go to that I don't need my own horse for (I can't get one because they aren't allowed in our area and there are no stables close + I don't have the time). One costs a ridiculous $100 a lesson from a trainer who isn't well known at all and seems to overcharge for everything, and the other is apparently closed but has more reasonable prices.
I want to start riding at the other place when it opens, however my parents say they are 'thinking about it'.
Anyway, I got my boots mid last year and they are now far too small for me. I get blisters and my toes get way too cramped. I wanted to get a new pair of boots (tall boots) however when I told my mother that my toes were too cramped in the boots e.t.c. and I asked if perhaps I could get another pair, she started shouting at me for being spoilt and ungrateful and saying that I'm always asking for things.
The truth is I rarely ask for anything. I don't have many good clothes I can wear, and my mother always complains when I need to buy new ones but doesn't have any trouble buying anything for my 8 year old sister (she has huge amounts of clothes and recently got an expensive DVD player and an ipod touch for her birthday).

I absolutely love riding,and I know that without it my depression would be so much worse.
All I want is a cheap pair of tall boots, I'm not asking for a $200 or $400 pair, I'm just asking for a simple $60-$90 pair. I just want to have a pair of nice boots that I can ride in.
I hate to say it, but my mother thinks she knows everything about horses when she doesn't. She is convinced that tall boots are used for dressage only and it would be a waste getting me a pair. She sees no problem when I talk to her about horse forums/sales and complain about photos of kids holding stallions alone or kids on 'advanced' horses bareback with no safety and says that it's because 'they grow up on farms so it's perfectly normal and safe for them'.

I don't want to sound like a brat at all. My parents refuse to spend any money really on horse riding at all and it gets really depressing. I would give anything in my life up for a horse and just want to learn properly so one day I can buy my own.

I know that it isn't money because my parents both work and way more than enough (I won't say how much but my father is a lawyer within the city) but it is just my mother that is always so picky.

Please, please please help me. I love horses so much and want to get the proper equipment (even if its cheap) and proper lessons.
I seriously cried through writing that. Has anyone else had this sort of thing occur, and what did you do?
I can't work to earn the money and there isn't a way for me to get the money at all.

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post #2 of 30 Old 11-05-2012, 07:00 AM
Join Date: Jul 2012
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All I can think of is using your birthday and Christmas for horsey stuff.
Also, save up all your money, even though you can't use it now, once you're old enough to decide on your own you'll have it there. (:
Good luck,
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post #3 of 30 Old 11-05-2012, 07:03 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks for the tip :)
I have tried doing that, the only problem is they won't drive me. I will ask if they can after my lesson perhaps.
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post #4 of 30 Old 11-05-2012, 07:40 AM
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Welcome to the forum, princess. How old are you? Can you get a job to be able to support horses?

I'm not arguing with you, I'm just explaining why I'm right.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

It's not always what you say but what they hear.
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post #5 of 30 Old 11-05-2012, 08:17 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks for the welcome!
I'm currently 13 turning 14 soon, however in my area the legal age for work is 14 yrs 9 months. Unfortunately we live in a very 'distanced' community (so nobody knows anyone in the street pretty much) so I can't help out people either. It sounds kind of weird, and you'd have to live here to understand it, but we have a law or something against selling lemonade/cookie e.t.c. here as well, which is kind of crazy haha.
I said I'd love to get a horse, but I know that's a totally ridiculous idea due to time, cost and my experience. I intend to buy one after I complete university or slightly before university and lease it out during that period of time, definitely not now! :)
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post #6 of 30 Old 11-05-2012, 08:34 AM
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Could you work out a barter agreement with them? Offer to do certain chores in exchange for riding and equipement?

I struggled with non horsey parents, but babysat for money and did my best with what I had. For myself, it was more a case of not havin the finances but I still got by. In time I was able to work out a deal with my coach to muck out/babysit her kids in exchange for riding time.

Good luck!

Stop for a minute, open your mind, learn. You may not agree with what I say, I may not agree with what you say but we will both learn something new.

Last edited by Maple; 11-05-2012 at 08:37 AM.
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post #7 of 30 Old 11-05-2012, 08:53 AM
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If your parents are refusing to help, there really isn't much you can do about it. Riding horses is expensive. You said you can't get a "job" but what about babysitting in the area, or pet sitting. Try to do random work for people, ie, help rake leaves or painting, help with house projects. There are always people doing things in the house that may need some extra labor. Have you tried going to the barn and asking if you can work off lessons? There are options out there if you want it bad enough. I think its time you learn what it feels like to earn what you want rather than be given what you want.

This is what happens when you have democrats in office
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post #8 of 30 Old 11-05-2012, 08:57 AM
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Parents are difficult to change. Trust me. You just have to learn to live with the hand you are dealt with them. They just become an obstacle for you to either surrender to or over come. That is truly up to you which.

Two or three or even four years is really not a long time at all, especially when you are working for something you love. It might just be that you should start saving every penny you have until you can get a car, a job, and then your lessons. It is so much fun making your first few "big" purchases. Mine were my computer and my dog followed by my truck. What you should do is start studying how economics and money work, so that when you start getting a good steady income, you know what to do and can be independent more easily and better prepared for certain problems your parents should have prepared you for.

(Please do not get mad at the following! You sound like a very intelligent young girl, just confused and looking for answers. You are awesome kiddo. We have all been there. The following is a little blunt and I don't want to upset you, but I am compelled to post it.)

Don't convince yourself you have depression. You are 13. It blows my mind that a 13 year old could have diagnosable depression. Being unhappy is not depression. Being treated unfairly causes unhappiness. Not getting what you want causes unhappiness. There are billions of things to be happy about, even if your life SUCKS. Don't fall into that "Oh, woe is me. Nothing ever goes my way. My life is miserable. It MUST be a medical issue." "Depression" is becoming such an overused crutch these days and so very common that those with a true medical problem should be insulted. It is such a watered down condition now. I could go in and get drugs for depression if i try hard enough. It makes me feel bad for the ones who suffer a true medical problem. Too many people abuse the "term" depression". EVERYONE feels bad sometimes. There are too many people using "depression" as an excuse and a crutch who don't really have a problem. do you need drugs to make you "right" or happy??? No! you need horses. Find OTHER things that make you happy. Don't rely on one thing that your time with is uncertain at best to make you happy. Horses will happen even if they can't right now. Find some things now that can occupy your desires to learn. For goodness sake, go out and canter around the yard pretending. Trust me, you are NEVER to old to play an pretend. Go play. Go run. Go do. Don't sit in the house moping that you can't have what you want. Find things that you can have to want. Fresh air, books, learning, another animal, another activity, a puzzle. Do SOMETHING.
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Last edited by LadyDreamer; 11-05-2012 at 09:05 AM.
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post #9 of 30 Old 11-05-2012, 09:16 AM
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Hey, my parents never helped me with my horsey ambitions, the most they did when I was younger was buy me horse books (Which probably fueled the flames). However, stay positive about the situation. Learn as much as you can, even if it's only from books. When you can make your own decisions you will be free to indulge in your love of horses. Sometimes, I think, my parents thought if they didn't encourage me I would just get over horses, or something. Don't give up, but also don't let your feelings about your parents not wanting to pay for lessons or drive you to do horse things get in the way of your relationship with them.
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post #10 of 30 Old 11-05-2012, 09:50 AM
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Will they let you sell your old boots to raise some money to buy new ones?

Honestly I don't think you need tall boots at this time. Your leg size may change and then you will be in the same position: with boots that don't fit. A pair of short boots with a heel and some half chaps might be a better option.

At the stable I ride at, I expected it to be very fancy but it's not at all. I think I was the only one wearing tall boots, and my instructor commented that they wouldn't do for winter riding, as my feet would get way too cold. Many of the younger kids were riding in rubber boots (with heels, of course) because they couldn't afford boots, and nobody looked down on them for it.

I think you need to concentrate on getting the lessons, be thankful for that, and not worry about fancy gear. Boots that fit are important, but safety and comfort should be the priority, not looks. It will be quite difficult to find a pair of tall boots in your price range, IMO.
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cost , help me! , horses , money , parents

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