Lurking around here for weeks -Need all the help you will give

This tells me that both your coach and her trainer are not in your court. Your coach needs to be your biggest cheerleader. She must be able to listen to both your verbal and nonverbal cues as well as how your horse responds to your body language and give you the skills to progress.

Zoregon, don't put yourself down. I don't think you are displaying the mentality of a beginner, I think you sound like a decent rider who has ended up in a confidence-sapping situation. It can happen to anyone and the BEST rider can have their confidence stripped away in an instant or over a length of time.

If the trainer is getting the best out of him then use her to sell him. By all means explain that he is not for you because you haven't the confidence to ride him, but do let the trainer paint the good side of the picture as well.

Some years back I had a mare that sapped my confidence right out my pockets. I sold her. Best decision I ever made. She was lovely, someone's sweetheart - just not mine. There are plenty of horses out there that will give you what you want.

Yeah, don't be too hard on yourself. It's easy to get hurt, or have your confidence shaken, and it sounds like you've had a few rough experiences.

Maybe your trainer can even help you find the right buyer. Just be totally honest about the problems you've had with the horse, but all the horse's good points.

Hopefully your next buy works out better! I think there's a sticky thread somewhere on here about buying the right horse.

I totally agree with Dreamcatcher and Shropshire's advice. Your trainer and coach think this is a great horse; so will someone else. You can disclose that you have confidence issues and feel over-horsed with this one; riders who are looking for a project, a challenge, or just a spicy interesting ride will not be put off by that. Don't worry about it - there is someone out there who is looking for their perfect horse and your guy is "it" for them. Now, you just need to find the perfect horse for you.

I would suggest asking the trainer to ride him for the buyers maybe.

I would think the info a potential buyer could glean from this alone is valuable - and they would appreciate the fact that it can be said w surety that he can do well under saddle, but he needs a "confident" rider.

If my objective were to perfect my riding skill, I wouldn't want my trainer to ride my horse - or use a horse for that effort that my trainer needed to ride. Don't they have one of their own? (kidding).

And, don't feel bad...there are oodles of people that have, too, "met their match" when it comes to being "out horsed", and there are oodles more that won't admit it. I stuck w one I got as a yearling that would have rattled most anyone's confidence, and while I do not regret it at all and I learned "volumes" from him and we did manage to become a great team after a lot of hard work and arguments he often won, I am not sure why I stuck w him. If I had to go through that agian...no thanks...double no thanks. I think anyone w the good sense to find another is ahead of the game, really.

Need to find another trainer, and unload horse.

It may be your handling skills too, as in you are too soft and not the leader as well.

But if all your horses have come from this "trainer" than I would not be there anymore.

Riding should be something enjoyable, not something that is a suicide mission every time you mount up.