maybe im not cut out for the horse world... - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 51 Old 05-03-2012, 08:42 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Michigan
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maybe im not cut out for the horse world...

Today I officially lost all hope with horses. I do not think I am cut out for this world. Ever since I was a child I dreamed of owning a horse. I would stand for hours at the fair just admiring those who rode beautifully and had a great bond with their four legged friends. I was so excited when my fiance told me he would buy me a horse! I volunteered at a horse rescue, bought many books, and spent hours on this website soaking in all the information I could before I brought home my first gelding.
Nothing was the same as what I had learned. For the past 5 months, it has been hell. I had a lease horse who hated me and bucked like crazy. The girl I got him from said he was very begginer safe and would teach me. I stuck it out with this guy until she just showed up and took him one day. I payed so much money into his vet bills, teeth, had to buy 3 different saddles until he would let me mount ( they all fit perfect, she said he was just picky about what he is going to be rdden in). I was told I was too soft on him, then too hard. I had multiple trainers out with a wide variety of training methods. Needless to say he was a disaster.
In February I bought an Arabian gelding who was very shy. I worked with my trainer and taught him to lunge, ground manners, and to trust people. Well since the lease horse left he forgot everything. He won't let me on and tries to buck when I do mount. He doesn't know squat for cues on the lunge line and won't let me catch him. I have read many posts and asked a lot of questions myself. Today I was trying to catch him and would make him move if he started to get away from me. I kept it up for an hour until it started to down pour. All the while I have my neighbor screaming at me across her pasture saying I'm being abusive and blah blah blah (I never layed a hand or whip on him, just loud noises). He is 19, I am not going to out that old of a horse through profession training.
I have had trainers and the vet out who have oked him for riding, no pain or problems. I have not had one decent ride. On any horse. I have been looking at horses to buy, got bucked off 3, had 2 sold out from under me, and was supposed to pick up a horse today, but the girl decided to charge DOUBLE the second I got the horse in the trailer. I walked away.
My fiance said that he has seen me get more emotional over these darn horses than I have during our whole relationship. I hate showing my emotions, but trying to work with these horses brings me to my knees in tears. I love horses, and even though I haven't gotten in a good ride, I enjoy taking care of them. I actually like mucking out stalls, picking up poo in the pasture, feeding, cleaning everything. It males me feel so accomplished.
I've been taking lessons, learning and working with a trainer.
Maybe I'm just not cut out for horse ownership. No matter what I try, I have someone standing over my shoulder saying I'm doing it all wrong. Theres no enjoyment in this anymore. I've lost faith that I will ever find what I'm looking for.
Thanks for listening. Any advice would be appreciated.
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post #2 of 51 Old 05-03-2012, 08:53 PM
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If I wanted a horse to enjoy, as it sounds like you do so badly, I would continue lessons (just general riding) and wait until I came across a "been there done that" horse in it's middle to later teens. Sound and easy to get along with.

Even if it isn't show ring pretty, I promise you will come to love that horse. If, as time goes on, you get to the point that you want, must, show, you can still keep your reliable pal and enjoy him or share him with others. Others, who like you, really want to experience the best of riding.

I ride a variety of sport and work horses. They are amazing. I school spoiled ones, too. Love making a difference for them and their owners. But, big whoopie that I can do all that. It was just exposure to those types that gave me a few skills.

My favorite riding is on any fantastic older, gentle horse. Those are priceless and don't get the credit they deserve. The level of enjoyment riding one of them is almost heavenly.
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post #3 of 51 Old 05-03-2012, 08:54 PM
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Southern California
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You didn't mention them anywhere so I'm just curious. Did you ever take lessons before volunteering or leasing or purchasing a horse? You talk about working with a trainer towards improving your horse, but what about lessons on a safe quiet lesson horse just focusing on yourself and having fun getting to know horses?
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post #4 of 51 Old 05-03-2012, 08:55 PM
Join Date: Mar 2012
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Sounds more like you haven't found the right partner yet. Don't lease crazy horses, don't buy shy horses, don't look at potential horses without your trainer present... Have your trainer buy you an old, broke horse with no problems. Not everyone is cut out to be a trainer right away... you need to find a horse that would essentially be a lesson horse for your home and learn from there. ): Don't get wrapped up in the "Black Beauty" and "Flicka" nonsense. Horsemanship is not as magical as it may seem... it's a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, but you can help yourself by finding something dead broke.

Just my 2 cents from what I've read. ):

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post #5 of 51 Old 05-03-2012, 08:56 PM
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Roseville, MI
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I have experienced, and still am experiencing some of what you are going through. You are not alone in your desire or your frustration.
Two things that I think are worth thinking about.
1- Be a cautious buyer/leaser. Look at hundreds of horses if you have to. Because, ultimately, finding the right one for you is worth the time and effort. Test ride them extensively, have vet checks done before you buy, etc. And try to steer clear of low-priced animals. Those are often the ones with issues that sellers are trying to get rid of, labeled as a "good deal!" when in fact, the horse is a bucker/biter/whathaveyou. Number one rule [for me anyway] when it comes to horses: You get what you pay for. It sounds like you're having a hard time finding a reliable mount, and in that case I'd turn my attention to farms that breed and train their horses. Especially if you're a trail rider. These animals are $3000 and up for a reason - because people take the time and effort to turn them into confidence building, gentle, and reliable animals. If I had the money, that's most certainly where I'd go to find myself a good horse. If you can afford it, I encourage you.
2- Buying books, reading forums, working with a trainer... all wonderful things! I commend on you on your efforts. The best thing you can do as a horseperson, however, is master your leadership skills. Do not be afraid of correcting your horse, of backing him/her or doing circles until they decide to behave, of utilizing a crop or a whip if you have to. Own your space, and then invite them in. OOZE confidence, and they will seek to follow you. I know, maybe easier said than done. Some days, I still struggle. It's easier to become a confident rider/handler on a horse that isn't going to constantly challenge your authority, also. Which brings me back to number one.

I know some days it feels like nothing you do is right. Throwing in the towel is appealing. I've certainly felt that I'm not cut out for this lifestyle. Please, don't let a couple bumps in the road deter you. The mistakes you make now are actually invaluable learning opportunities. It WILL get better. All in good time.

We drink to our youth, to the days come and gone; for the age of oppression is now nearly done.

Last edited by arrowsaway; 05-03-2012 at 09:01 PM.
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post #6 of 51 Old 05-03-2012, 08:57 PM
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 870
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Dont count yourself out yet. Unfortunatley, there are so many people in the horse world that will lie to make a buck. And i think you have come across a few. What you need to do is find a reputable breeder or traiher and deal through them. Or atleast have a trainer will to go look at potential buys. I couldnt imagine a life without horses. So i hope, that a few bad apples dont ruin the whole bunch for you.
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post #7 of 51 Old 05-03-2012, 08:59 PM
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Missouri
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That lease horse sounds like a huge diaster.. there should have been no need for you to pay vet bills... buy all these saddles, and get bucked off.

That was NOT your fault, nor your responsibility.

As for your neighbour.. she's silly. That isn't abusive, that's called walking a horse down. Non horsey people see everything they don't understand as abusive or "mean" since they obviously don't understand horses.

Third, I think you got landed with a whole bunch of bad calls. Some people out there selling horses are cruel and just plain liars.. others are truthful. Beginner safe horses advertised does not equal beginner safe. People will do ANYTHING for money.

I think you need to stop trying to find a horse for now. Find a good riding instructor that can help you in your riding, and eventually help you find a horse.

It sounds like you've been through quite the ordeal.. but that's not the horse world I know and love :)

"Strength is the ability to use a muscle without tension"
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post #8 of 51 Old 05-03-2012, 09:00 PM
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Mannford, Ok
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In so sorry that you've been through all of that! The first thing that came to mind was find a group to take lessons with and start from the beginning. Beat of luck to you!
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post #9 of 51 Old 05-03-2012, 09:01 PM
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: minnesota
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i think you should go back to a basic lesson horse. you sound like you know what to do with a horse, you just dont know how to do it. dont give up because the perfect horse (wich you will find) is worth it. you may even come across a lesson horse that is for sale, and that would be great. i doont know how you end up with these horses, i have spent my entire carrear trying to get a horse HARD enough for me, and i have met plenty of gentle giants along the way. kkeep looking, and youll find the perfect horse!
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post #10 of 51 Old 05-03-2012, 09:02 PM
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Virginia, USA
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I am so sorry you are feeling so down. I have been there too! I was bucked off the first two horses I looked at to buy. Ended up in the ER because of the second one...have a lasting scar on my arm from the first one.

When I finally found my horse, i was unable to ride her when I first brought her to my boarding facility. She was a holy terror and did not seem like the horse I had fallen in love with.

I worked through it with a very good trainer. Turns out, it wasn't the horse that had issues. It was me. She was sensing my total lack of confidence and was taking advantage of it. The trainer taught me how to get my confidence back. I am not saying that is what is happening in your case, but I wanted to tell you that others know what you are going through.

And your comment about your fiance saying you have been more emotional over all of this than he has ever seen you, made me smile....because my husband says the same thing to me! He calls it "horse drama" and tells me that if he had known how crazy I would get over this horse, he would have talked me out of it.

I worry all the time...i worry when she is "off" a bit that she has an injury. I worry when she has a moody day that we are going to have to start over with our training again. Heck, I even worried she was pregnant last week.

But the drama is worth it when the riding is good! Hang in there. I just dont think you have found your horse yet. You will. I promise.
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