Mother just passed and lady really pushing for her horse - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 28 Old 07-10-2014, 07:19 PM
Green Broke
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Honestly this lady sounds like a complete vulture. Who swoops in TWO WEEKS after your mother passes away and starts hounding you for her horse? You may have to push back with her just so she knows she can't walk all over you. People like that find pushback to be terrifying because they're used to steamrollering everyone else.

If you have to be blunt and say "Excuse me, I lost my MOTHER. I am grieving and I am in pain, and I need you to respect that. This horse was a huge part of my mother's life and I am not willing to let her go just like that. I am not interested in leasing her out to anyone, and may never be ready. Should I see an opportunity where I would welcome you working with her, I will definitely let you know, but please consider the matter closed until then."
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post #12 of 28 Old 07-10-2014, 07:53 PM
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I am so sorry for your loss. All the advice you have gotten is good and all I can really do is reiterate the same thing. Stand up for yourself. Be firm and blunt, but polite. Don't let her run all over you and keep an eye on her if you are worried about repercussions for your horse. Stay strong. You will get through this.
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post #13 of 28 Old 07-10-2014, 08:13 PM
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Also sooooo soooo sorry. I can also only reiterate-this woman's behavior is inexcusable, IMO. This filly will always be special to you and you will feel a connection with your mother with her. My dad was always the horse person…always spent time with me and horses-it was a bind between us-and it always will be. It comforts me greatly, as it does my brother and niece. I think you will find the same peace.

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post #14 of 28 Old 07-10-2014, 10:10 PM
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you have been more than patient with this person, and considering what you've been through, it is SHE who should be extra specially patient and supportive, and SENSITVE to your needs. it sounds like this person is not a bad person, just one that may not have fully grown up enough to see past her own desires. some people are that way.

If you were to get just a wee bit firm and cranky with her, she'd have to forgive you becuase you are under a lot of emotional stress. might be that that is what it takes to make her open her eyes .
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post #15 of 28 Old 07-10-2014, 11:05 PM
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My sympathies on the death of your mother.

Everyone else has covered what you should do about the pushy woman.
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post #16 of 28 Old 07-10-2014, 11:36 PM
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I totally agree with Delete. We are talking about your mother here.
I would strongly tell her that she is incredibly insensitive and hurtful to even mention it considering that short time which has passed.
It is quite clear where her loyalties lie and that she views your mother's passing as merely an opportunity. I would not be diplomatic or tactful and would leave the conversation with the clear understanding it would never be addressed again.

We are talking about your mother here for goodness sake.

My very best to you.
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post #17 of 28 Old 07-11-2014, 12:12 AM
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I know how you feel... My best friend in the world, my dad, passed away a year and a half ago when I was 23. The last time I saw him was on Christmas and he died five days later unexpectedly, I tried contacting him multiple times previous to see how he was and he never replied. I regret so deeply for not going to see him again... But my mom was there and I thought all was ok. He was my everything. I'm very close to my mom as well but my dad and me were "soul mates". The only thing that keeps me sane is knowing the one thing he hated the most was seeing me upset. Still at times I can't help myself.

I don't have my dad's horse but I do have his saddle. I know if someone were encroaching on that I'd in no uncertain terms let them know it's not going to happen. It may possibly never fit one of my horses, but it will never be for sale. Tell her you are not interested in any way shape or form of leasing, selling, or otherwise sharing your moms horse. Nine months seems like a long time but wait it out and you won't have to deal with her anymore. Don't cause drama or stress, but just turn down her offers. Best of luck to you and if you need anyone to talk too please feel free to PM me. Nobody can understand the loss unless they have gone through it. I still see my dad in my dreams and I cry when I wake up and realize it's not for real, he's still gone.
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post #18 of 28 Old 07-11-2014, 01:32 PM Thread Starter
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Thank you all for your kind words of support, and for the great advice. I am going to wait until she hints at it again (which will likely be soon), and I will put my foot down, and tell her that this filly will never be leased or sold. I feel disappointed that I have had to endure her comments. The first thing I wanted to do after talking to her was to call my Mom and rant about it to her. I know she would have been livid.

I will try to upload some photos of the filly later. I don't have any recent ones, and she's growing like a weed! She seems so small, but I have a feeling she's going to get tall. (I think she's currently somewhere around 15 hands, but she just looks petite when you put her next to another horse.) Thankfully she's growing slow, or we'd have to worry about rapid growth health issues.

Again, thank you all so much for the kind words. They mean more than you can imagine!
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post #19 of 28 Old 07-11-2014, 04:15 PM
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Go out somewhere and talk to your mother, tell her as if you were talking to her listen and you will hear her answer in your heart.

There are many times when my sister and her (adult) children and I have a moment when we all say "Mama! How she would have loved that."

As I said I was lucky in not only having both my parents for so long but for the parents they were. I am sure they hear and watch us.
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post #20 of 28 Old 07-11-2014, 04:27 PM
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Originally Posted by Foxhunter View Post
Go out somewhere and talk to your mother, tell her as if you were talking to her listen and you will hear her answer in your heart.

When I lost my mother 2 years ago, for the following months I kept catching myself picking up the phone ready to call her. What really helped me is I would have a conversation with her and I just knew what she would have to say about it all. It was a little strange at first, but very comforting in the end.
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