I struggled but read the entire thing.
You've had a rough childhood, and it shows... however working with green horses was not doing your confidence any good. Bless your heart for helping horses that needed extra attention but you should really think about taking lessons for you. Your kids don't need lessons right now, maybe a nice pony ride now and then. But from what it sounds like, horses are your passion and you need to let yourself have that passion.
Are you a single mother? If you don't mind me asking.
"Strength is the ability to use a muscle without tension"