I am so sorry to hear this, I can't even imagine how you must be feeling right now. But please take some time to think, you know how strong these emotions you are feeling right now are and they might be clouding your ability to think right now. You gave that horse a good life and you can't blame yourself, it won't do any good. This was an accident and there is no way you can stop lightning. You are very lucky to have your own horses, don't throw that away. Give the horses that you still have the good life they deserve, just like you gave your other mare a good life. I really hope you feel better.
Thanks so much for all the messages... they made me cry and gave me some little peace at the same time.
Last night was one of the worst to get through, and now, the day after, I still feel on the edge of tears. I've taken some sedatives to help me manage at work, and luckily everyone has bee more than supportive anyway.
I booked tickets to fly back home at the beginning of June anyway, but now I am strangely dreading it. I guess that is normal. I know I wont know what to feel until I see my other horses again... with that empty stable. But I will take your advice and not make any rash decisions until I have gotten through some of the grief.
In my more childish moments of anger and sadness, I feel sad that of all of them, SHE were the one taken... but I know that's such an awful thought to have. She had just become so important to me, and I had invested so much of myself in her... and she had given it right back. She would always be the one who would leave the herd for a chat and a scratch. It was sometimes quite difficult to get rid of her... she loved being around us so much. My entire family are quite broken about it, as they all adored her, even though none of them are horse-y at all; it was just so clear that she genuinely liked people. She stole our hearts.
I feel irrationally angry in weak moments that the others are not more like her. I'm very humiliated to admit this.
So sorry for the loss of your beautiful mare. I hope you can take comfort in the poem that is in endiku's post. Let time work on your grief. I hope you give your other horses a chance at earning a place in your heart,but each one will be unique & Twiggy sounds like a special horse and deserving of her very special place in your heart.
I love my other 2 mares and my mini mule. I don't know why I even said that. They all have beautiful special personalities.
It's me. I just don't feel right about all this yet. How this could happen. Thanks for your encouragement Cacowgirl. I certainly don't want my other lovelies to feel like I am throwing them away. :( :( Posted via Mobile Device
Muumi, I am so sorry for your loss. It's horrible to lose a beloved friend, especially if you end up having feelings of guilt to go along with the loss.
Like others have said, don't feel guilty, sometimes bad s**t just happens and there is nothing we can do about it. All we can really do is learn from the experience and go on.
I don't believe that you should try to get rid of your other horses. You give them a good home and they are well cared for with you. What happened was nothing more than a horribly tragic accident.
She was a beautiful girl. You should be proud of the progress you made with her. It may help to think of the good times you had with her (and she with you). She was happy and that's all that matters.
The tears will continue to come over the next period of time (how long depends on you, each person grieves differently). Heck, I still sometimes feel melancholy and shed some tears over horses that I lost years ago. It's natural to cry over a critter that you loved, so you go ahead and cry. We understand and can offer a shoulder to cry on because we've all been there.
Oh. I am so sorry. Again, like all the others said, give it time. F you sell all your horses now, I Guarantee you will regret it. It's part of life, the last part, but still part. I completely understand where you are at, and its hard, but your heart will mend. Not scar free, but it will be bearable at some point. Rejoice in her life, grieve in her death, but don't make your other horses suffer because one lost its life. That would be cruel to you and them.
Hugs sent to you. I pray you will quickly be able to walk through the pasture and feel nothing but joy, for the times you shared and the memories you made. Posted via Mobile Device