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My rant...and whining... bring cheese...

This is a discussion on My rant...and whining... bring cheese... within the Horse Talk forums, part of the Keeping and Caring for Horses category

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        04-04-2013, 07:24 PM
      #11
    Yearling
    OMG I just spent a while writing a post, then lost internet and LOST IT ALL!

    But I am so sorry for the giant cluster&@(& you guys had to sit there and read! ROFL! I spent awhile writing it, and it ended up SO LONG! That I cut ALOT out of it, then bc it was late I didnt proof read it at all. I didnt think it was that bad, LOL!

    It did however (even if it made no sense on your end) help ALOT! It let me vent everything and actually helped it make sense on my end! I think the fracture in our relationship (my mother-in-law and mine) happened when I had my son. I think it all boils down to not raising my son exactly the way she'd want. Little examples is I didnt use a binky to shut him up when he cried (he didnt really need it, PLUS he didnt like it). She would try to get him to take one anyway. Which don't bother me most of the time. There are instances that it really really does, but I usually keep quiet anyway.

    Then I broke my horse and had a ride able horse, and she had nothing. Granted. When I bought my mare (she was 4months old), I sent her to the same guy to get a mare he had there. She instead bought a broodmare that hadnt been rodein a yeat with a baby and pregnant again, that would come up to you unless she wanted to....bc she was pretty... So by time my mare was three (bc at the age of 2, I was pregnant with my son), I had finally had her broke, and she still had nothing to ride (but had three horses herself). When I would try to show her what I learned she wouldnt do it, or say she does it this way and/or she isnt going to worry about it. In other words, she'd rather leave them untrained than to have me help. When I do help, she doesnt keep up on it, no matter how easy it is.

    What I was trying to point out was that riding a young horse and riding a very well trained horse is completely different. They think falling off means your a bad riding, when I think your not a good rider until you do! And even so, you have to keep getting back on! Idk. It just hurts my feelings, and I end up sitting here. I should be SO PROUD of my horses and of what I have accomplished. But the faces and things she says to me always ends up sneaking in there.

    She is sending one of the young geldings away to get trained for a month. And she is expecting to get a bomb proof horse back. She doesnt realize it takes saddle time to keep them that way. She can't just put him back in the field and ride him once a month and keep that training completely. And she gave me a wierd look when I said to wear my helmet the first couple of rides.... Like I was only trying to make her look stupid, and not bc I wanted her head protected! Idk... alot more bothers me, but it's just created a wedge and it's worse during riding season.
         
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        04-04-2013, 09:11 PM
      #12
    Weanling
    Sometimes a rant and a good laugh helps to look at the situation from a different position. I think this thread just provided both. I have learned something very important in the years that I have been riding. There are always people who are going to be jealous or not respect your way of training, or have a stick up their a$$ for some reason or another. It is just best to ignore them and do your thing with your horses and let them do their thing with their horses. It is unfortunate that you don't have a great relationship with your MIL but maybe keeping discussions about horses out of it will help in other aspects of the relationship.
    Wheatermay likes this.
         
        04-04-2013, 10:04 PM
      #13
    Banned
    Two things bring out crazy women. Parenting and horses, sadly most of us are involved in both.

    To many people, there is one way, and one way only.

    As it is your MIL who is the issue, this sure sounds like it's a problem for your husband and not you.

    Do as you want to do and leave your hubby to deal with this crap.
         
        04-05-2013, 01:18 AM
      #14
    Yearling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by AlexS    
    Two things bring out crazy women. Parenting and horses, sadly most of us are involved in both.

    To many people, there is one way, and one way only.

    As it is your MIL who is the issue, this sure sounds like it's a problem for your husband and not you.

    Do as you want to do and leave your hubby to deal with this crap.
    I wish I can quote LynnF too, but you both are right. When I first started learning about saddle training and riding, I was excited to show her and help her learn but she didnt seem to think I had anything to teach her. Which I know I'm younger than her, and owning a horse was a dream of hers for a very long time, but I love her and I wanted to help. I wasnt trying to rub it in her face. Now her oldest son, my brother in law had rode a little before when he was much younger, but he listened to everything I said! He is developing his OWN way to do things, and that's fine! Really all it took was me to push him into cantering his horse. After that he gained confidence and started going on trail rides and meeting new people. She even seems a little annoyed that he does this. I understand he's using her horse, but nothing is keeping her from doing this stuff herself.

    My hubby wont say much to her. And I don't want him too. I'll just have to stop trying to leave it out of it as much as possible like LynnF had said. I even asked a friend of mine if my riding sucked, and she just laughed at me and said I know more than most riders. It made me feel better. I'm not trying to impress anyone. I do it for fun, but it seems I have been striving to prove myself to her. It's just not going to happen ever I guess.

    It sucks that their is a rift there now. Sometimes and some days it seems we are back to what it used to be, but then others that not so much. Is it horrible to kind wish the newly broke youngster comes back and gives her a little scare? LOL. And show her riding these young horses ISNT as easy as riding a been there done that horse.

    On a training standpoint I'm getting pretty good at staying in my saddle. I want to work on my balance and started riding bareback more often. I can trot bareback now! I'm a little worried about falling UNDER a horse in a canter, but I'm going to try it in a few days. Most of my problems comes from depending on my stirrups too much for balance and I've gotten out of that habit! Which is a small thing, but I'm proud of it. I came out of the last barrel without a stirrup last weekend and cantered back without it, lol.. One of my legs is an inch shorter, and I ALWAYS loose the left stirrup. But riding bareback has made me use my pelvis more. (I got side tracked again), lol....
         
        04-05-2013, 01:40 AM
      #15
    Banned
    So it wasn't horse related at all. But I was married twice, my first MIL hated me, my second loves me. For sure there is a personality difference between the two - but what really changed was me. I was walked all over by my first MIL, and by the second I was my own person.

    But in that, there is something in you, what are you willing to stand down on. For me, I never cook, and yet I cook every holiday meal with the MIL that loves me. Outside of horses, I do all the duty things I should do. And so it pays off.

    I think for you, there is some middle ground outside of horses, do it.

    It doesn't sound like you want a war? So where was your Easter meal? Who did what?


    I am asking this because I have been there, and there are two sides to every story.
    Wheatermay likes this.
         
        04-05-2013, 09:56 AM
      #16
    Green Broke
    Family can be hard. My family is pretty small and my uncle and his wife recently had kids and the whole family pretty much hates her and thinks she is the worst mother in the world. I think she is awful too, but I can imagine things from her perspective, all these people telling her what to do with her children, looking down on her etc. It must completely suck. I'd hate that.

    It's just that everyone thinks they know best.

    I may be in the minority but I don't think its good to be falling off horses a lot. And I'm a horse person so imagine what non-horse people are thinking. Sure, people come off, hopefully rarely, but if its becoming even semi-regular I do tend to think the rider just isn't up to riding that horse. You can have a very challenging horse that you can learn heaps from without ever having to fall off, there is nothing wrong with a challenge, but its important to be honest with yourself and think that if you consistently can't stay on there is a big problem with your training/riding/horse. To me, falling off more than once or twice a year is too much.
    Wheatermay likes this.
         
        04-06-2013, 01:37 AM
      #17
    Yearling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by AlexS    
    So it wasn't horse related at all. But I was married twice, my first MIL hated me, my second loves me. For sure there is a personality difference between the two - but what really changed was me. I was walked all over by my first MIL, and by the second I was my own person.

    But in that, there is something in you, what are you willing to stand down on. For me, I never cook, and yet I cook every holiday meal with the MIL that loves me. Outside of horses, I do all the duty things I should do. And so it pays off.

    I think for you, there is some middle ground outside of horses, do it.

    It doesn't sound like you want a war? So where was your Easter meal? Who did what?


    I am asking this because I have been there, and there are two sides to every story.
    Well yes, we do get along on other things. Easter she cooked, and I was in charge of eggs, coloring eggs, the egg hunts AND all 5 kids. We get along with other things.

    And KountryPrincess, no really a need to get upset. The reason they are called a RANT is bc the person is RANTING! They are upset over something and there is so many things they are thinking that it's hard to put everything down sometimes. It helps to get it out though. Sometimes is something that has been going on for a little while AND there have been many occasions that upset the poster. So it's hard to tell it all without writing a small novel. Like AlexS and LynnF... they didnt understand, but they read (sort of like listening online, I guess, lol). That is all alot of us really need...is to vent!

    And Saskia I really don't fall off my horse alot, and it isnt just one horse. As I said I do have a short leg on one side, but I do rather well. I can canter bareback, and with saddle and my horses are really well behaved. My horses are young also, so they spook sometimes. I have only went off twice, in a one year. And it was the summer my mare was first put under saddle. And even then, I didnt get seriously hurt, just really really sore. I think it kind of depends on the horse your riding, and how much riding your doing, and what skill level and experience you have at any one activity. Any other fall I talk about is the goofy falls that happen. Like jumping on my mare bareback kicking her butt then sliding off the other side, lol... I PUSH myself and her and my gelding, to try EVERYTHING! So my first time jumping a horse EVER, and my mare's first time jumping with a rider, didnt go so well the first try! I fell off, lol... but I was fine, and my mare didnt intentionally get rid of me. She had a jerky jump bc she is young! And it was my first time on a jumping horse! The second and third and forth jumps, NO PROBLEM!

    So no, I don't think I'm a bad rider or she is a challenging horse. I think I put us in challenging situations. I spend alot of time riding with trainers and experience horsewomen who say I just need to relax and get confidence, which I have began to do this year! And I like to try new things, and I'm not getting hurt, and my mare is very forgiving especially for a young arab.

    But Saskia, why wouldnt you try to make it a little easier on your uncle's wife? I know it's hard if you don't like her, but if you have empathy to see what she is going through, maybe you can try to help her feel accepted. None of my business, but maybe seeing a member of the family accept her may affect everyone else.

    I was talking to my husband though, and he just thinks it's bc I do things with my horse that she is too old to do now. And I have actually heard her say that. Which I totally disagree with! So I think I'm going to try to get her out to some horse shows with me this year! She would o last year, so I stopped trying, but maybe I can this year! Sound like a good plan? I'm excited about it!
         
        04-06-2013, 01:52 AM
      #18
    Yearling
    Speakingof halter breaking my son (ROFL!!).... I actually bought one of those leashes for toddlers for my son! LOL It was a monkey, and he was worse than any horse I have ever lead broke! The rules did not apply! I apply slight pressure and he would never give! He's lean on it! LOL!
         
        04-06-2013, 02:40 AM
      #19
    Yearling
    Btw, when I refer to falling off, I don't mean this:
    goat-game-1-490.jpg

    It's funny, like this!:
    show cartoon.jpg

    LOL When I am laughing on the ground with not even a bruise and my horse is waiting patiently and calmly by my side. I see no harm, lol....
    AlexS likes this.
         
        04-06-2013, 03:13 AM
      #20
    Green Broke
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wheatermay    
    But Saskia, why wouldnt you try to make it a little easier on your uncle's wife? I know it's hard if you don't like her, but if you have empathy to see what she is going through, maybe you can try to help her feel accepted. None of my business, but maybe seeing a member of the family accept her may affect everyone else.
    I know you have a rough situation but I guess its different with my uncle's wife. I've tried being nice to her. We all have. It's not that I dislike her for no reason and like being that way. And yes, people might not say its our business how she raises her children, but I think it is because they're family. My cousin is over 5 years old and he can't really talk. He had to be held back because he wasn't ready for school. He doesn't know ANY colours, or ANY numbers. He doesn't have a learning difficulty, its just that his mother can't be bothered teaching him anything. She's never read to him. Never plays with. Never really talks to him other than to boss him around (unless strangers are watching). All day she literally sits in front of the TV or sleeps while the boys play outside unsupervised. And their house doesn't have a fence or anything. My uncle works over 70 hours a week so that his wife doesn't have to, so she can raise the boys but she's not really raising them. Neither does she cook or clean. I see them and I know they are going to be so behind when they start school, and its going to be so hard for them. And I do blame her. But your situation is different, you don't sound like her at all.

    And about falling off, its just in your first post at the end, it was worded (to me at least) to imply that you fell off a lot. It could have just come across wrong with me, I don't know, didn't mean to offend. I was just saying that I think regardless of riding level, there is something wrong if someone falls off a lot. Whether it's a beginner with a not quite bombproof enough pony, or an experienced rider with a bad bucker, or intermediate rider with a nervous spooker, to me falling off (seriously not being silly) more than rarely is an indicator of an incompatibility of "levels" between horse and rider. I wasn't judging your riding skills or anything like that (I have no idea how you ride - never seen you) but just commenting on the implication that you seemed to fall off a lot.

    Have you talked to your MIL? Sometimes being blunt and honest can be the best thing. At the very least it can bring some underlying issues into the open. Once they are there, at least you have a chance to deal with them. Just pick your time, place, words and manner carefully

    And remember that how protective your are of your son, and how much you care is how she felt about her son, your partner. I think it would be hard for most parents to have a child get married and have kids of their own because you'd always think of them as your children who you had to guide and protect. It would be hard in that way taking a back seat with grandkids.
         

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