my riding is getting worse

A little background... I first got back into riding about 3 years ago after a 10 year break, I realised I now had an issue with confidence and getting on. Once I was on and had been riding for 5 mins I was fine. I went to a riding school and had one lesson on the lunge and 4 lessons (one a week) off lunge trotting around the outdoor school on a lovely 15.2 cobxirish draft who was 15 but had plenty of go if needed and was as calm as they come. I got pregnant so had to give up these lessons after only four. After having my little girl (literally 6 weeks)i went to a lady I know who specialises in rider confidence I rode her 17.2 ex racer mare. The first day we went out on the roads round a little village and over a motorway bridge. I was perfectly fine and wasn't even ponied. I really liked this mare but she was huge and I was a little intimidated with her size this plus the fact I had to travel an hour to get to her saw the end of that one. This was around 17 months ago.

Presently I am having western lessons on trailing and lunge lessons english. My western lessons have been going great until about 3 weeks ago when my horse slipped on wet grass that in itself wasn't that bad although I had an almighty bruise on my leg haha now everytime I ride him he spooks. I personally feel that I have lost what little confidence I was starting to build again and he has lost his confidence in me due to the slip as the last two lessons I have had he's spooked three times on one lesson and the last lesson I went to we went on the roads and I ended up in the middle of the road with a van behind us. Now I know this horse when I have previously been riding him out is as steady as they come so that is why I feel since the slip he has lost confidence in me and my nerves are just making things twice as bad.

I had my first english lunge lesson two weeks ago and had a fab time was doing posting trot and had no problems. Yes I was nervous to begin with but I soon settled down and started to relax. I had another lesson yesterday and there was a bang in the arena and he spooked. I couldn't get my nerves under control after that and I actually asked to get off. I got home and cried....... I said to my mum last night "i think i'm about ready to give up on this"

I actually feel like from the first time I started to get back into riding and I was seeking help on just being more confident in myself when I mount(It was a case of "i'm getting on no not yet, right i'm ready, just hang on" then up i'd go and have to sit for a few minutes just to gather myself)that I have actually got worse now i'm really nervous of riding aswell.

So have I been riding the wrong horses? Can I overcome my fear which at the moment I really can't see a way through? Is it me? All the usual things are coming into my head.

The really annoying thing is that through all this I can't get on my own mare as she is in foal and I just want to get on her as I know she will restore all my confidence. I'm taking lessons to become a better rider before I get back on her but it's making me want to quite riding alltogether

I am kind of in the same boat due to a bad trainer situation. I had a trainer that didnt look out for me and got me a green broke horse with a lot of issues so that she could make money off me.... After not having a lot of confidence to begin with I lost all of it after he took off several times with mounting block so I also had a fear of getting on. I had to move my horse and myself to a new barn where I started working with a new trainer. She worked with both of us between training and lessons....after having him less than a year I decided he wasnt the horse for me....wasnt even sure I wanted to ride anymore since the last time she made me get on him he spooked about 6 times because of my nerves.....It takes an extremely long time to get back the confidence when it is lost let me tell you. We ended up trading him and getting a beginner broke horse that was used for kids lessons and I am still terrified of that block but each time I ride...I gain a small bit of confidence back each lesson and each ride and in the end its rewarding. If you really want to ride....just know it doesnt take weeks to get it back...it takes months!!