My trainer is really ticking me off. (LONG rant)

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My trainer is really ticking me off. (LONG rant)

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    03-22-2013, 02:15 PM
My trainer is really ticking me off. (LONG rant)

I met her about 6 years ago, when I bought my horse. She didn't want me to buy the horse at all, saying she was too hot-headed, stubborn, everything was wrong with her, she wasn't a beginner horse Weeeeelll, we didn't listen to her and got the horse anyway. I was around 8 then.

Part 1:
Fast forward 6 years. I still own the horse and now I want to show her. But my trainer has this 4 year old that she's been having me work with and she wants me to show it for my first show. Well, I really don't want to show that horse right now. Not until I have done a few shows with my horse at least.

It's almost like she forgets about the fact that I want to show my horse, or that my horse is even there. My grandparents wants to buy me a new saddle and asked her if she'd find a saddle that would fit me and my horse. She is looking for a saddle, but she's looking for one that fits the 4 year old and my horse. I don't want that, I want the saddle to fit my horse, because it's going to be a long time before I get another horse and Rhythm is going to be my main horse until she dies/goes lame, so I want a good fitting saddle that fits HER and only her.

And for the showing part, it's like her horse is going to be the main horse and my horse is just along for the ride, which I don't want. The whole reason I want to show is because of Rhythm. I'm so proud of how far she's come and I would like to show her off. I have to keep reminding her that I'm going to show my horse too, not just hers.

AND, whenever there is a show, she says we'll do it, but then, she changes her mind and makes excuses that we can't go. *sigh*

Part 2:
I've been working to pay for my "riding lessons", and I work around 4-5 hours, in 90 degree temps, to 10 degree temps for about 2 years, yet I only get around 30 minutes of lesson time, sometimes I don't even get to ride. Most of the time, my riding lessons, turn into a training lesson because the horses she puts me on are green, or, she gives me a tip and goes back to working with someone else. I really feel like I'm being used now, tbh. :/

I've told her multiple times what I want to do, I want to do show jumping or eventing. She's "teaching" me how to jump on a green horse that doesn't know what it's doing. I don't mind riding green horses, but when I learn (if I ever learn) how to jump, I would like to do it on a horse that knows what it's doing.

She's not even teaching me how to jump anyway, so it's really ticking me off that I'm working for lessons that I'm not even getting. Ugh.

Part 3:
I've been having some trouble with Rhythm, I got bucked off in our field and she ran off, almost getting in by a car. So our confidence out there kinda got shattered.
I've asked for her help multiple times, and she always blows me off, even when we said that we were going to pay her. She just doesn't want to do it.
It's making me really upset, because I need her help on this, I have no idea what to do and I want to start riding there again, It's so fun out there, but I can't have fun when I'm worrying about getting bucked off again.

I've given up on asking for her help, I'm now working Rhythm out there again, slowly gaining our confidence back. It just would have been really nice to have a pro help me out, you know?

I kind of get the feeling that she wants me to sell Rhythm, so I can focus more on her horses, maybe I'm reading too much into this, but she's always hated Rhythm. Rhythm was supposed to be bred to a stallion, but Rhythm wouldn't let the stallion get near her. So, since then, she's always hated or disliked Rhythm. She probably only trained her because she saw a chance to get a ton of money, seeing how Rhythm needed a lot of refresher training.

I'm probably reading too much into that. Lol

Part 4:
My mom and dad wanted to get a horse that they can ride, they can't ride Rhythm because she's not a beginner horse at all.

They found cute palomino mare, we went to go look at her and she was perfect, she stood tied for 3 hours in 17 degree weather and she was so sweet and nice. She had some flaws, but I told them I could probably get rid of them. So, we got her.

Well... our trainer wasn't too happy. We didn't get her to consult because it probably would of cost more than the horse. And we felt that if we needed her consulting, we would of asked her.

She sent me a message saying that she couldn't believe we got a horse without consulting her, I said that it wasn't my idea, that it was my parent's idea and that they were crazy.

She's been ignoring us since. And our hay guy is best friends with her and whenever he comes, he gives us a lecture on how we should go say sorry and that she's so hurt and she cried that we didn't get her consulting.

It's been around 3 months, and she's still ignoring us. The horse we got is doing fantastic. So we feel that we don't really need to say sorry because we didn't do anything wrong... Right?

And to be honest, I really don't want to go back there. I would like to go to a place that will teach me how to do the things I want to do, not just blow them off like it's no big deal.

/rant over. (sorry it's so long. Kudos to you if you read all that. )

I don't want to seem ungrateful, I'm just really frustrated and confused.
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    03-22-2013, 02:21 PM
Super Moderator
One question.
Why are you still sticking to this woman? It's time to find someone who is worth to be called a trainer, and who will be able to take your horse and yourself up to the training level you want and need. ;)
    03-22-2013, 02:25 PM
Originally Posted by Saranda    
One question.
Why are you still sticking to this woman? It's time to find someone who is worth to be called a trainer, and who will be able to take your horse and yourself up to the training level you want and need. ;)
I don't know to be honest. I guess I've just been with her so long that I kinda got used to this stuff...
    03-22-2013, 02:26 PM
Green Broke
If you aren't getting the lessons or help you want/need I would move on. To be honest yes it is nice to have another opinion but she shouldn't be holding a grudge because you guys didnt get her opinion. Maybe talk to her ans explain all your concerns/opinion /thoughts and if she still ignores you or tries to put your horse on the back burner move on. I would also hire a saddle fitter to take measurements and look for a saddle yourself she has no right to be putting her horse over yours.
Don't be scared to speak up if she isn't helping you then time to move on.
    03-22-2013, 02:26 PM
Take your horse and loyalty to a new trainer...from what you've said it doesn't sound like this one is interested in furthering your riding skills, only the training of her own horses.
    03-22-2013, 02:27 PM
I say it's time to find a new trainer. ETA: I have a very good friend in Ann Arbor Michigan. If you are near that area I'm sure I could you in contact with her, she is a dressage trainer, but I'm sure she knows a lot of trainers in the area
    03-22-2013, 02:29 PM
I agree, move on to someone else. She really isn't doing you, or your horse any good.
    03-22-2013, 02:32 PM
Time to move on. You aren't the same rider you were as an 8 year old. You have different goals and skills now. You aren't getting anything of value out of this relationship.

Having students ride and show trainer's horses and make the students PAY to do it is a huge scam.
    03-22-2013, 02:37 PM
Green Broke
I'm going to play the other side of the fence here speaking from a coaches point of view.

I suspect there is a reason your coach didn't want you to buy the horse you did. It sounds like you have had some problems with her as it is. Coaches don't tell you to pass over a horse just because they want you to ride theirs. I know I have my students best interest when I am looking for a horse for them.

The saddle thing. Well I have no comment on that.

Buying a horse for your parents. Well your coaches job is to make sure her clients have horses that are going to work for them. Coaches are trained professionals who have an eye for the ideal sort of horse to fit their clients needs. Yes this horse is working out for you, but not consulting your coach makes her think that you don't trust her opinion.

As for working for lessons. Well everyone at our barn helps out and works a few hours a week. Obviously you are getting riding time if she has you riding her horses. She isn't throwing you on a greenie without any instruction. I would take it as a compliment if she wants you to ride green horses and show her own horses. She trusts you and thinks that you are going to reflect well on her and her program.

I suspect that there is just a lot of teenage hormone fueled emotions going on in this situation.
updownrider likes this.
    03-22-2013, 02:49 PM
I agree with NBEventer wholeheartedly.

But, if you aren't happy, the reasoning doesn't matter. I think you should find a new place and a new trainer.

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