My trainer is really ticking me off. (LONG rant) - Page 2 - The Horse Forum

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post #11 of 47 Old 03-22-2013, 01:57 PM
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Don't let six years stand in your way. Look what you have gotten out of it. She is not your friend. She is your trainer. In this situation, the ONLY pros are how long you have been there(with a job, that would rock) and riding some different level of horse. The cons heavily outweigh those.

You are unhappy! Move on.
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post #12 of 47 Old 03-22-2013, 01:59 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by NBEventer View Post
I'm going to play the other side of the fence here speaking from a coaches point of view.

I suspect there is a reason your coach didn't want you to buy the horse you did. It sounds like you have had some problems with her as it is. Coaches don't tell you to pass over a horse just because they want you to ride theirs. I know I have my students best interest when I am looking for a horse for them.

The saddle thing. Well I have no comment on that.

Buying a horse for your parents. Well your coaches job is to make sure her clients have horses that are going to work for them. Coaches are trained professionals who have an eye for the ideal sort of horse to fit their clients needs. Yes this horse is working out for you, but not consulting your coach makes her think that you don't trust her opinion.

As for working for lessons. Well everyone at our barn helps out and works a few hours a week. Obviously you are getting riding time if she has you riding her horses. She isn't throwing you on a greenie without any instruction. I would take it as a compliment if she wants you to ride green horses and show her own horses. She trusts you and thinks that you are going to reflect well on her and her program.

I suspect that there is just a lot of teenage hormone fueled emotions going on in this situation.
We didn't know who she was when we got my horse. I've only had a few problems, and they only just started after 6 years.

She has also been trying to push her horses onto us. A gaited spotted saddle horse, and a untrained paint 4 year old. Every week she hints at us to get these horses, which we did not want, we've told her so. We don't want a gaited horse, and we don't want an untrained horse. It's not that we don't trust her opinion, we just didn't feel a need to get her consulting. But crying over it and ignoring us is not professional.


I don't mind working for my lessons, but I've been working for 2 years, two days a week for only 30 minute riding lessons (or no lesson at all) that turn into training lessons. I would like to ride on a school horse that knows what it's doing so that I can just focus on my EQ.


I don't mind showing her horses, but I've never shown before. I would like to have my first show on a horse that I trust and have worked with for a long time. What I don't like, is her putting her horses first and not mine. The only reason I want to show is because of my horse and she's just acting like my horse doesn't matter anymore.



But I do understand where you're coming from. (: And it's true that I am a teenager with hormones. But she's keeping me from doing things that I would like to do, and it's frustrating.
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post #13 of 47 Old 03-22-2013, 02:00 PM
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I'm a big believer in that everyone deserves to be happy. So matter the reason on either side, if you aren't happy and don't want to go back, then don't. I'm sure there is another trainer out there you can work with.
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post #14 of 47 Old 03-22-2013, 02:34 PM
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You can look at this way, you pay money to this woman for a service, which you have stated was to show "your horse" in certain events. Are you getting that service? Doesn't sound like it. It's your time and money, is it well spent? Are you satisfied? Can you spend your time and money elsewhere getting better service and satisfaction? Sounds like your trainer has an agenda for you and it differs from your agenda.
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post #15 of 47 Old 03-22-2013, 02:38 PM
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FTR I wasn't saying stay with the trainer if you are not happy. I was just playing the other side to try and see her point of view If you are not happy and feel she isn't giving you what you want, then its time to nicely part ways.

BB ~ 2014 Trakehner Bratty Mare ~ 1993 CSHA Em ~ 2007 Standardbred
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post #16 of 47 Old 03-22-2013, 02:57 PM
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FTR I wasn't saying stay with the trainer if you are not happy.

I didnt mean to imply that if you're referring to my post. She had just made the comment about not wanting to go back to this trainer in her OP

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post #17 of 47 Old 03-22-2013, 03:02 PM
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I didnt mean to imply that if you're referring to my post. She had just made the comment about not wanting to go back to this trainer in her OP
Sorry, my post wasn't directed to your reply lol. My bad, I meant to the OP

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post #18 of 47 Old 03-22-2013, 03:17 PM Thread Starter
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FTR I wasn't saying stay with the trainer if you are not happy. I was just playing the other side to try and see her point of view If you are not happy and feel she isn't giving you what you want, then its time to nicely part ways.
Oooh, okay. I think I would be happy if she would just help me instead of blowing me off.

And I don't think I'm going to be able to part ways nicely... I think we've already burned bridges, sadly... She's a really good trainer, and has helped me a lot, but now I don't think I really matter anymore, I'm just there to do her dirty work... I wouldn't mind doing it if I got a good one hour riding lesson instead of a training lesson.

Ugh, it's just frustrating.
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post #19 of 47 Old 03-22-2013, 03:27 PM
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Oooh, okay. I think I would be happy if she would just help me instead of blowing me off.

And I don't think I'm going to be able to part ways nicely... I think we've already burned bridges, sadly... She's a really good trainer, and has helped me a lot, but now I don't think I really matter anymore, I'm just there to do her dirty work... I wouldn't mind doing it if I got a good one hour riding lesson instead of a training lesson.

Ugh, it's just frustrating.
If she's a good trainer I highly suggest having a very calm quiet one on one heart to heart. You need to explain to her that you are really upset that things are not working out. I think you need to tell her your goals and what you are looking to do.

If you are not wanting to ride and show her horses, tell her that. Tell her that while you really appreciate the experience it is just not something you want at this point of time.

Explain that you wish you were getting a little more out of your lessons with her.

Communication is huge. I think you may have reached a point in your relationship that you are not so much coach and student but more boss/employee or even just friends. It does happen. I've been riding with my coach off and on for 16 some odd years now. We will have times where we seem to hit a wall in our relationship and I get frustrated with her and leave. I always end up back though. I love my coach. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't be where I am. She got me to the higher levels, she mentored me, she helped me learn to be a trainer and a coach and how to build healthy relationships with my clients.

Yet every once and awhile we will get into a rut where I feel she is taking me for granted or just flat out doesn't care. I would get cranky then up and leave. Well now I have realized that we are both adults and throwing a childish fit isn't going to get me anywhere. So I will have a quiet mature one on one and we work things out.

If she doesn't get on board with your goals then just calmly tell her that you love her dearly but you feel that maybe you have hit a point where the coach/student relationship isn't working but you would love to stay friends with her and maybe in the future even come back to her but you want to just branch off and try something new. As a good coach she should realize that all students sometimes need time with another trainer. There is no harm in it. I always encourage my clients to take lessons from outside coaches once and awhile. There will always be someone who knows more then I do and therefor will have valueable information to share with others
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Last edited by NBEventer; 03-22-2013 at 03:30 PM.
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post #20 of 47 Old 03-22-2013, 03:30 PM
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Originally Posted by NBEventer View Post
I'm going to play the other side of the fence here speaking from a coaches point of view.

I suspect there is a reason your coach didn't want you to buy the horse you did. It sounds like you have had some problems with her as it is. Coaches don't tell you to pass over a horse just because they want you to ride theirs. I know I have my students best interest when I am looking for a horse for them.

The saddle thing. Well I have no comment on that.

Buying a horse for your parents. Well your coaches job is to make sure her clients have horses that are going to work for them. Coaches are trained professionals who have an eye for the ideal sort of horse to fit their clients needs. Yes this horse is working out for you, but not consulting your coach makes her think that you don't trust her opinion.

As for working for lessons. Well everyone at our barn helps out and works a few hours a week. Obviously you are getting riding time if she has you riding her horses. She isn't throwing you on a greenie without any instruction. I would take it as a compliment if she wants you to ride green horses and show her own horses. She trusts you and thinks that you are going to reflect well on her and her program.

I suspect that there is just a lot of teenage hormone fueled emotions going on in this situation.
really I think the coach is just trying to sell them something of hers or wants to make a commission . I wouldn't ride her horse I would want to ride my own at a show also . And I wouldn't work there I would just pay for lessons expect a proper lesson . Not all coaches look out for the interest of their students alot just care about making money
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