My trainer is really ticking me off. (LONG rant) - Page 3 - The Horse Forum
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post #21 of 47 Old 03-22-2013, 03:32 PM
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Originally Posted by RhythmandRoses View Post
We didn't know who she was when we got my horse. I've only had a few problems, and they only just started after 6 years.

She has also been trying to push her horses onto us. A gaited spotted saddle horse, and a untrained paint 4 year old. Every week she hints at us to get these horses, which we did not want, we've told her so. We don't want a gaited horse, and we don't want an untrained horse. It's not that we don't trust her opinion, we just didn't feel a need to get her consulting. But crying over it and ignoring us is not professional.


I don't mind working for my lessons, but I've been working for 2 years, two days a week for only 30 minute riding lessons (or no lesson at all) that turn into training lessons. I would like to ride on a school horse that knows what it's doing so that I can just focus on my EQ.


I don't mind showing her horses, but I've never shown before. I would like to have my first show on a horse that I trust and have worked with for a long time. What I don't like, is her putting her horses first and not mine. The only reason I want to show is because of my horse and she's just acting like my horse doesn't matter anymore.



But I do understand where you're coming from. (: And it's true that I am a teenager with hormones. But she's keeping me from doing things that I would like to do, and it's frustrating.
you sound more mature than your trainer
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post #22 of 47 Old 03-22-2013, 03:34 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by NBEventer View Post
If shes a good trainer I highly suggest having a very calm quiet one on one heart to heart. You need to explain to her that you are really upset that things are not working out. I think you need to tell her your goals and what you are looking to do.

If you are not wanting to ride and show her horses, tell her that. Tell her that while you really appreciate the experience it is just not something you want at this point of time.

Explain that you wish you were getting a little more out of your lessons with her.

Communication is huge. I think you may have reached a point in your relationship that you are not so much coach and student but more boss/employee or even just friends. It does happen. I've been riding with my coach off and on for 16 some odd years now. We will have times where we seem to hit a wall in our relationship and I get frustrated with her and leave. I always end up back though. I love my coach. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't be where I am. She got me to the higher levels, she mentored me, she helped me learn to be a trainer and a coach and how to build healthy relationships with my clients.

Yet every once and awhile we will get into a rut where I feel she is taking me for granted or just flat out doesn't care. I would get cranky then up and leave. Well now I have realized that we are both adults and throwing a childish fit isn't going to get me anywhere. So I will have a quiet mature one on one and we work things out.

If she doesn't get on board with your goals then just calmly tell her that you love her dearly but you feel that maybe you have hit a point where the coach/student relationship isn't working but you would love to stay friends with her and maybe in the future even come back to her but you want to just branch off and try something new. As a good coach she should realize that all students sometimes need time with another trainer. There is no harm in it. I always encourage my clients to take lessons from outside coaches once and awhile. There will always be someone who knows more then I do and therefor will have valueable information to share with others

Thank you for your advice, I will try to talk to her.
I have thought about only going to her for training and going somewhere else for riding, since I would like to do eventing or dressage, and she doesn't do any of that. But I don't know how she'll take it. She's gotten mad about some of her other clients going somewhere else to take lessons. But I will definitely try to talk to her! :) Thank you!
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post #23 of 47 Old 03-22-2013, 03:37 PM
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Originally Posted by RhythmandRoses View Post
Thank you for your advice, I will try to talk to her.
I have thought about only going to her for training and going somewhere else for riding, since I would like to do eventing or dressage, and she doesn't do any of that. But I don't know how she'll take it. She's gotten mad about some of her other clients going somewhere else to take lessons. But I will definitely try to talk to her! :) Thank you!
Try telling her that you really want to try eventing and since she doesn't do it you want to take lessons from someone who does. If you can work it out maybe that you take lessons from an eventing coach and still do some stuff with her, but only if YOU want to. Don't let her bully you into staying with her. At the end of the day it is your(or your parents) money and you need to do what will work best for you. But be sure to keep it very calm and cool. If she blows up, keep your cool. Don't feed into her tantrum. Just calmly say "thank you for everything" and walk away. If you leave it mature then that is something to hold onto. Knowing you were the bigger person.
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post #24 of 47 Old 03-22-2013, 03:47 PM
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This trainers petty behavior is troubling. Holding grudges is not very professional or profitable.
Denying the wishes of the OP in order to achieve her goals of showing her horse is unacceptable. Looking for saddle that will fit both the OPs and her horse is arrogant and show no regard for the wishes of the OP. Who will be buying the saddle .
NBeventer brought up some good points. However this trainers dismissive attitude toward her pupil makes no sense.
IMO this relationship has run its course. Thank her for her help and guidance as you move your horse and business elsewhere. Shalom
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post #25 of 47 Old 03-22-2013, 05:54 PM
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Is the trainer paying you or are you paying her to teach you?
Take YOUR money and put it where you are getting benefit out of it.

I may seem small, but if you mess with my horse, I will break out a level of crazy that will make your nightmares seem like a happy place.
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post #26 of 47 Old 03-22-2013, 11:16 PM
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Agreed with the first response post.

The point of a trainer is for someone to be training you, not for you to be training their horses. You did nothing wrong by loving your horses and putting them first. I mean, sure, it's good to think about it from her perspective and walk around in her shoes, but there is no excuse for someone being disrespectful to you. Find a trainer who loves your horses and wants to see you succeed, and don't settle for anything less, even if it takes a couple tries. God bless :)
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post #27 of 47 Old 03-23-2013, 03:57 AM
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Don't tell her about your other lessons. She does not need to be privy to anything outside of her barn.
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post #28 of 47 Old 03-23-2013, 06:30 AM
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Don't tell her about your other lessons. She does not need to be privy to anything outside of her barn.
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Bad idea. Horse world is small. Trainers talk as do clients. When her current trainer finds out(and she will) she would risk her current trainer having a melt down and possibly risk the new trainer refusing to continue working with her. Or even worse, risk having a bad reputation and have other trainers not take her on in the future. I have seen this happen before. Its a huge no no.
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post #29 of 47 Old 03-23-2013, 08:55 AM
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It appears this coach has limited skills, not a negative as she may be good at putting good basics on a horse and rider. Riding different horses will improve your skills, help you have a better seat which means becoming more skillful at reading the horse and hopefully not getting dumped as your own horse did. I rode many horses of all temperments and training as a teen and by the time I was 18 it would have taken a rodeo bronc to unseat me and that was riding english. Had I limited myself to one horse, I'd never have developed those skills.
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post #30 of 47 Old 03-23-2013, 09:10 AM
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Originally Posted by Saddlebag View Post
It appears this coach has limited skills, not a negative as she may be good at putting good basics on a horse and rider. Riding different horses will improve your skills, help you have a better seat which means becoming more skillful at reading the horse and hopefully not getting dumped as your own horse did. I rode many horses of all temperments and training as a teen and by the time I was 18 it would have taken a rodeo bronc to unseat me and that was riding english. Had I limited myself to one horse, I'd never have developed those skills.
then I would expect she could just ride those horses to ride them and not be her lesson I think her lesson should be on her horse how to improve it and if she has free time ride the trainers horses and if I had to ride the trainers horses I would trade that for my lessons instead of more labor cleaning
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