My trainer is really ticking me off. (LONG rant) - Page 4 - The Horse Forum
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post #31 of 47 Old 03-23-2013, 09:14 AM
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I can only imagine the position you are in, OP.

If it were me though, I would go to your current trainer and basically say something along the lines of 'I'm sorry if you felt offended about my parents buying a horse without your consultation, but they didn't really consult me either. Thanks for all your help over the years, you've given me some invaluable experiences, but I want to specialize in *insert something here* and I'm not really sure that you could teach me much more in that respect. I'd be happy to come and work some of your horses for you though, and maybe show them sometimes.'

Okay, so that turned out to sound like the old 'I think we should see other people' speech, but you get the picture, hopefully!

I do definitely think you need to say your farewells to this trainer, and apologize to her even though she may not necessarily deserve it. Emotions are very delicate, and I know from personal experience that the smallest thing could be enough to cause the behaviors your trainer is displaying. Heck, I'll admit that I've been the one to behave that way a few times over a mere misunderstanding!
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post #32 of 47 Old 03-23-2013, 09:17 AM Thread Starter
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My parents wimped out of going to talk to her. They don't want to and I can't go to her by myself because I can't drive. :/ I've had 3 months of no riding lessons and I would really like to start up again. My parents are thinking about just going to a new place without talking to my trainer. And when they looked for a place to ride, they didn't find any and stopped looking. They only looked for about 15 minutes...

What should I do now? :/

edit: Would it be a good idea to message her on like fb or something?

Last edited by RhythmandRoses; 03-23-2013 at 09:20 AM.
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post #33 of 47 Old 03-23-2013, 09:26 AM
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why don't you look for places and when I say look look on the internet and make phone calls and then your parents can drive you to them if you see something you like
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post #34 of 47 Old 03-23-2013, 01:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NBEventer View Post
Bad idea. Horse world is small. Trainers talk as do clients. When her current trainer finds out(and she will) she would risk her current trainer having a melt down and possibly risk the new trainer refusing to continue working with her. Or even worse, risk having a bad reputation and have other trainers not take her on in the future. I have seen this happen before. Its a huge no no.
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Then let her have a melt down. She does not have to be told everything. If she finds out, she finds out. She is not the controller of the universe. She will throw a fit if the OP tells her, and she will throw a fit if she finds out elsewhere.

A melt down is coming, no matter wht happens. Just wait until this poor girl goes to take her horses. With how much this lady seems to desire ultimate control, I envision the worst. I have seen this many times as well.

Here is a little of worst that you need to prepare for when you leave. I hope she just accepts your leaving, maybe with some insults thrown around and that is it.

---

She may try to prevent you from taking your horses. You will have some unpaid charge to your board bill that must be paid or you can't take the horses. She may threaten to sue you. She will bad mouth and insult you. Be prepared to be called the worst rider in the world, that you will never amount to anything, and that the ONLY reason you can even sit on a horse without hooking your feet in the reins is because of her. You could hear that she was doing you a favor and THIS is how you are going to repay her for her kindness? You are a wretched person! That horse of yours too will never amount to anything either! Look at it! It isn't even trained well! She was only trying to do what is best for YOU the whole time by trying to steer you away from that nag. All she ever wanted to do was HELP you! Oooh! The WHOLE WORLD is going to hear about this. You will never find a barn within a hundred miles that will take you on as a student!

---

Keep in mind that none of that is true. The parts that are true, such as you being the rider you are today is ruined by the intent of those words.

You get the point. Ending a business relationship with a control freak is never easy. I hope that things go smoothly, but prepare for the worst.

The healthiest and happiest way for this situation to resolve is to find another place to learn.

Money is tight. Make every penny count. Do not be bullied into paying for something that does not equal the cost. This is something your parents will understand and support more vehemently.
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Last edited by LadyDreamer; 03-23-2013 at 01:09 PM.
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post #35 of 47 Old 03-23-2013, 01:04 PM
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Double post. Sorry.
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post #36 of 47 Old 03-23-2013, 01:05 PM
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As for finding a new place, show season is coming up. Go to shows and talk to people. Exhibitors, trainers, family... Your trainer can't get mad at you for attending an event.

You have Internet. You look too. This is what you want. Your parents want it for you, and want you to be happy, but they are not as passionate about it. Are you going to expect them to find your college for you in a few years? :)

Chin up sister! You will get it all worked out.
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post #37 of 47 Old 03-23-2013, 02:37 PM Thread Starter
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Well, my horse and my mom's horse aren't there, they're with us. And we've paid everything we owed her in January, so we don't owe her anything. :)

I've found a few places that look good and that are around us. And there this one place that I used to go to before and they were really good. We called, but they haven't called us back.
Also, I can't call anyone, my parents don't like me calling people expect for them and my friends. lol

I have thought about just going to a different barn without telling her. It's true that she's probably gonna have a melt down and bad mouth me whether I tell her or not...


I just hate to have it end like this. :/
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post #38 of 47 Old 03-23-2013, 02:51 PM
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OP understand one thing. Your trainers attitude is not about you. Its all about control and her influence on your actions. Its her.
I can almost assure you that she would not even attempt to manipulate me or most of the other members on this forum.
IMO she is taking advantage of your youth and loyalty.
How you handle this issue will influence your future dealings with other professionals. therefore Keep It Professional . No need to hide or make excuses.
You have done nothing and are attempting to do something you should not feel guilty about.
find another barn and trainer. Make arrangements. Then either hand her a letter or tell her with your parents present. Shalom
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post #39 of 47 Old 03-23-2013, 08:51 PM
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My point is that all it takes is her to tell a friend that this person went behind her back and that gets around the area and will make a lot of other trainers gun shy. Its not fair, but its the way things work in the industry.

If she doesn't have friends in high places then its not that big of a deal, but all it takes is her to be friends with one big barn and then the OP's name gets tossed around as being disloyal and unfaithful. I have watched it happen before.

I'm sorry but the best way to deal with people like this is to be the bigger person. Be open and honest without screaming and crying. It will get you a lot further then a tantrum and going behind her back. She doesn't owe this coach anything, but she owes it to herself to be the mature bigger person.

BB ~ 2014 Trakehner Bratty Mare ~ 1993 CSHA Em ~ 2007 Standardbred
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post #40 of 47 Old 03-23-2013, 09:06 PM
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from what I understand she doesn't keep her horses at this gals place anyway so in this case I don't think it's a big deal if she doesn't tell her. f her horse was bored there then it's more important .
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