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My trainer is really ticking me off. (LONG rant)

5K views 46 replies 21 participants last post by  RhythmandRoses 
#1 ·
I met her about 6 years ago, when I bought my horse. She didn't want me to buy the horse at all, saying she was too hot-headed, stubborn, everything was wrong with her, she wasn't a beginner horse Weeeeelll, we didn't listen to her and got the horse anyway. I was around 8 then.

Part 1:
Fast forward 6 years. I still own the horse and now I want to show her. But my trainer has this 4 year old that she's been having me work with and she wants me to show it for my first show. Well, I really don't want to show that horse right now. Not until I have done a few shows with my horse at least.

It's almost like she forgets about the fact that I want to show my horse, or that my horse is even there. My grandparents wants to buy me a new saddle and asked her if she'd find a saddle that would fit me and my horse. She is looking for a saddle, but she's looking for one that fits the 4 year old and my horse. I don't want that, I want the saddle to fit my horse, because it's gonna be a long time before I get another horse and Rhythm is gonna be my main horse until she dies/goes lame, so I want a good fitting saddle that fits HER and only her.

And for the showing part, it's like her horse is gonna be the main horse and my horse is just along for the ride, which I don't want. The whole reason I want to show is because of Rhythm. I'm so proud of how far she's come and I would like to show her off. I have to keep reminding her that I'm gonna show my horse too, not just hers.

AND, whenever there is a show, she says we'll do it, but then, she changes her mind and makes excuses that we can't go. *sigh*


Part 2:
I've been working to pay for my "riding lessons", and I work around 4-5 hours, in 90 degree temps, to 10 degree temps for about 2 years, yet I only get around 30 minutes of lesson time, sometimes I don't even get to ride. Most of the time, my riding lessons, turn into a training lesson because the horses she puts me on are green, or, she gives me a tip and goes back to working with someone else. I really feel like I'm being used now, tbh. :/

I've told her multiple times what I want to do, I want to do show jumping or eventing. She's "teaching" me how to jump on a green horse that doesn't know what it's doing. I don't mind riding green horses, but when I learn (if I ever learn) how to jump, I would like to do it on a horse that knows what it's doing.

She's not even teaching me how to jump anyway, so it's really ticking me off that I'm working for lessons that I'm not even getting. Ugh.


Part 3:
I've been having some trouble with Rhythm, I got bucked off in our field and she ran off, almost getting in by a car. So our confidence out there kinda got shattered.
I've asked for her help multiple times, and she always blows me off, even when we said that we were gonna pay her. She just doesn't want to do it.
It's making me really upset, because I need her help on this, I have no idea what to do and I want to start riding there again, It's so fun out there, but I can't have fun when I'm worrying about getting bucked off again.

I've given up on asking for her help, I'm now working Rhythm out there again, slowly gaining our confidence back. It just would have been really nice to have a pro help me out, you know?

I kind of get the feeling that she wants me to sell Rhythm, so I can focus more on her horses, maybe I'm reading too much into this, but she's always hated Rhythm. Rhythm was supposed to be bred to a stallion, but Rhythm wouldn't let the stallion get near her. So, since then, she's always hated or disliked Rhythm. She probably only trained her because she saw a chance to get a ton of money, seeing how Rhythm needed a lot of refresher training.

I'm probably reading too much into that. lol

Part 4:
My mom and dad wanted to get a horse that they can ride, they can't ride Rhythm because she's not a beginner horse at all.

They found cute palomino mare, we went to go look at her and she was perfect, she stood tied for 3 hours in 17 degree weather and she was so sweet and nice. She had some flaws, but I told them I could probably get rid of them. So, we got her.

Well... our trainer wasn't too happy. We didn't get her to consult because it probably would of cost more than the horse. :lol: And we felt that if we needed her consulting, we would of asked her.

She sent me a message saying that she couldn't believe we got a horse without consulting her, I said that it wasn't my idea, that it was my parent's idea and that they were crazy.

She's been ignoring us since. And our hay guy is best friends with her and whenever he comes, he gives us a lecture on how we should go say sorry and that she's so hurt and she cried that we didn't get her consulting. :?

It's been around 3 months, and she's still ignoring us. The horse we got is doing fantastic. So we feel that we don't really need to say sorry because we didn't do anything wrong... Right?

And to be honest, I really don't want to go back there. I would like to go to a place that will teach me how to do the things I want to do, not just blow them off like it's no big deal.

/rant over. (sorry it's so long. kudos to you if you read all that. :lol:)


I don't want to seem ungrateful, I'm just really frustrated and confused. :-(
 
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#4 ·
If you aren't getting the lessons or help you want/need I would move on. To be honest yes it is nice to have another opinion but she shouldn't be holding a grudge because you guys didnt get her opinion. Maybe talk to her ans explain all your concerns/opinion /thoughts and if she still ignores you or tries to put your horse on the back burner move on. I would also hire a saddle fitter to take measurements and look for a saddle yourself she has no right to be putting her horse over yours.
Don't be scared to speak up if she isn't helping you then time to move on.
 
#5 ·
Take your horse and loyalty to a new trainer...from what you've said it doesn't sound like this one is interested in furthering your riding skills, only the training of her own horses.
 
#9 · (Edited)
I'm going to play the other side of the fence here speaking from a coaches point of view.

I suspect there is a reason your coach didn't want you to buy the horse you did. It sounds like you have had some problems with her as it is. Coaches don't tell you to pass over a horse just because they want you to ride theirs. I know I have my students best interest when I am looking for a horse for them.

The saddle thing. Well I have no comment on that.

Buying a horse for your parents. Well your coaches job is to make sure her clients have horses that are going to work for them. Coaches are trained professionals who have an eye for the ideal sort of horse to fit their clients needs. Yes this horse is working out for you, but not consulting your coach makes her think that you don't trust her opinion.

As for working for lessons. Well everyone at our barn helps out and works a few hours a week. Obviously you are getting riding time if she has you riding her horses. She isn't throwing you on a greenie without any instruction. I would take it as a compliment if she wants you to ride green horses and show her own horses. She trusts you and thinks that you are going to reflect well on her and her program.

I suspect that there is just a lot of teenage hormone fueled emotions going on in this situation.
 
#12 ·
We didn't know who she was when we got my horse. I've only had a few problems, and they only just started after 6 years.

She has also been trying to push her horses onto us. A gaited spotted saddle horse, and a untrained paint 4 year old. Every week she hints at us to get these horses, which we did not want, we've told her so. We don't want a gaited horse, and we don't want an untrained horse. It's not that we don't trust her opinion, we just didn't feel a need to get her consulting. But crying over it and ignoring us is not professional.


I don't mind working for my lessons, but I've been working for 2 years, two days a week for only 30 minute riding lessons (or no lesson at all) that turn into training lessons. I would like to ride on a school horse that knows what it's doing so that I can just focus on my EQ.


I don't mind showing her horses, but I've never shown before. I would like to have my first show on a horse that I trust and have worked with for a long time. What I don't like, is her putting her horses first and not mine. The only reason I want to show is because of my horse and she's just acting like my horse doesn't matter anymore.



But I do understand where you're coming from. :) And it's true that I am a teenager with hormones. But she's keeping me from doing things that I would like to do, and it's frustrating.
 
#11 ·
Don't let six years stand in your way. Look what you have gotten out of it. She is not your friend. She is your trainer. In this situation, the ONLY pros are how long you have been there(with a job, that would rock) and riding some different level of horse. The cons heavily outweigh those.

You are unhappy! Move on.
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#14 ·
You can look at this way, you pay money to this woman for a service, which you have stated was to show "your horse" in certain events. Are you getting that service? Doesn't sound like it. It's your time and money, is it well spent? Are you satisfied? Can you spend your time and money elsewhere getting better service and satisfaction? Sounds like your trainer has an agenda for you and it differs from your agenda.
 
#15 ·
FTR I wasn't saying stay with the trainer if you are not happy. I was just playing the other side to try and see her point of view :) If you are not happy and feel she isn't giving you what you want, then its time to nicely part ways.
 
#24 ·
This trainers petty behavior is troubling. Holding grudges is not very professional or profitable.
Denying the wishes of the OP in order to achieve her goals of showing her horse is unacceptable. Looking for saddle that will fit both the OPs and her horse is arrogant and show no regard for the wishes of the OP. Who will be buying the saddle .
NBeventer brought up some good points. However this trainers dismissive attitude toward her pupil makes no sense.
IMO this relationship has run its course. Thank her for her help and guidance as you move your horse and business elsewhere. Shalom
 
#26 ·
Agreed with the first response post.

The point of a trainer is for someone to be training you, not for you to be training their horses. You did nothing wrong by loving your horses and putting them first. I mean, sure, it's good to think about it from her perspective and walk around in her shoes, but there is no excuse for someone being disrespectful to you. Find a trainer who loves your horses and wants to see you succeed, and don't settle for anything less, even if it takes a couple tries. God bless :)
 
#28 ·
Bad idea. Horse world is small. Trainers talk as do clients. When her current trainer finds out(and she will) she would risk her current trainer having a melt down and possibly risk the new trainer refusing to continue working with her. Or even worse, risk having a bad reputation and have other trainers not take her on in the future. I have seen this happen before. Its a huge no no.
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#29 ·
It appears this coach has limited skills, not a negative as she may be good at putting good basics on a horse and rider. Riding different horses will improve your skills, help you have a better seat which means becoming more skillful at reading the horse and hopefully not getting dumped as your own horse did. I rode many horses of all temperments and training as a teen and by the time I was 18 it would have taken a rodeo bronc to unseat me and that was riding english. Had I limited myself to one horse, I'd never have developed those skills.
 
#31 ·
I can only imagine the position you are in, OP.

If it were me though, I would go to your current trainer and basically say something along the lines of 'I'm sorry if you felt offended about my parents buying a horse without your consultation, but they didn't really consult me either. Thanks for all your help over the years, you've given me some invaluable experiences, but I want to specialize in *insert something here* and I'm not really sure that you could teach me much more in that respect. I'd be happy to come and work some of your horses for you though, and maybe show them sometimes.'

Okay, so that turned out to sound like the old 'I think we should see other people' speech, but you get the picture, hopefully!

I do definitely think you need to say your farewells to this trainer, and apologize to her even though she may not necessarily deserve it. Emotions are very delicate, and I know from personal experience that the smallest thing could be enough to cause the behaviors your trainer is displaying. Heck, I'll admit that I've been the one to behave that way a few times over a mere misunderstanding!
 
#32 · (Edited)
My parents wimped out of going to talk to her. They don't want to and I can't go to her by myself because I can't drive. :/ I've had 3 months of no riding lessons and I would really like to start up again. My parents are thinking about just going to a new place without talking to my trainer. And when they looked for a place to ride, they didn't find any and stopped looking. They only looked for about 15 minutes...

What should I do now? :/

edit: Would it be a good idea to message her on like fb or something?
 
#36 ·
As for finding a new place, show season is coming up. Go to shows and talk to people. Exhibitors, trainers, family... Your trainer can't get mad at you for attending an event.

You have Internet. You look too. This is what you want. Your parents want it for you, and want you to be happy, but they are not as passionate about it. Are you going to expect them to find your college for you in a few years? :)

Chin up sister! You will get it all worked out.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#37 ·
Well, my horse and my mom's horse aren't there, they're with us. And we've paid everything we owed her in January, so we don't owe her anything. :)

I've found a few places that look good and that are around us. And there this one place that I used to go to before and they were really good. We called, but they haven't called us back.
Also, I can't call anyone, my parents don't like me calling people expect for them and my friends. lol

I have thought about just going to a different barn without telling her. It's true that she's probably gonna have a melt down and bad mouth me whether I tell her or not...


I just hate to have it end like this. :/
 
#38 ·
OP understand one thing. Your trainers attitude is not about you. Its all about control and her influence on your actions. Its her.
I can almost assure you that she would not even attempt to manipulate me or most of the other members on this forum.
IMO she is taking advantage of your youth and loyalty.
How you handle this issue will influence your future dealings with other professionals. therefore Keep It Professional . No need to hide or make excuses.
You have done nothing and are attempting to do something you should not feel guilty about.
find another barn and trainer. Make arrangements. Then either hand her a letter or tell her with your parents present. Shalom
 
#39 ·
My point is that all it takes is her to tell a friend that this person went behind her back and that gets around the area and will make a lot of other trainers gun shy. Its not fair, but its the way things work in the industry.

If she doesn't have friends in high places then its not that big of a deal, but all it takes is her to be friends with one big barn and then the OP's name gets tossed around as being disloyal and unfaithful. I have watched it happen before.

I'm sorry but the best way to deal with people like this is to be the bigger person. Be open and honest without screaming and crying. It will get you a lot further then a tantrum and going behind her back. She doesn't owe this coach anything, but she owes it to herself to be the mature bigger person.
 
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