Need advice... selfish rant... - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 42 Old 02-11-2009, 02:10 AM Thread Starter
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Need advice... selfish rant...

*ziiiiip* goes flame suit.

Okay. Please do not chew me out for even considering this.. it's a shock to me, and I'm not digesting it yet.

I was admiring the Friesians on the Keuring thread and happened to forward the page to my dad. My dad is just involved in horses because of me. When I was younger, he was my ride out to the barn, my chauffeur, my horse hauler, my show dad, everything. He could groom and tack a horse blindfolded by the time I grew up and went out on my own...
Anyways, we have both absolutely adored the Friesian breed for ages, as long as I can remember. I've always begged (mostly jokingly) him to buy me a Friesian, and he's always jokingly said back "sure! Buy 5!"
I'm in school at the moment to further my education... I will be done in April and should have a well-paying job shortly after.
Okay, there's the back history.
Tonight, when I sent him the link, he responded and said "You know, with the economy the way it is, it might be time for us to invest in one of those for you, maybe at the end of summer, or beginning of fall."
My jaw is still on the floor.
Yes, I'm in my 20's, but still very much my daddy's little girl. Keeping in mind that I have paid for my own horses and horsey stuff since the day I turned 18; my parents have supported me emotionally through my riding career since then, but have not put a penny in (except for the odd pair of breeches for b-days/Christmas). They have said outright, this is my hobby, I am to pay for it solo mio - which I am grateful for; it has made me grow up fast, and count my pennies and budget accordingly so I can afford it and not worry.
Here's my flame-worthy part:
I love Denny, but this offer is my dream come true. Thing is, my dad (bless him) would be willing to help me pay for this Friesian, but not its upkeep, that would be on me, obviously. I'm not gonna turn around and say "okay, thanks for forking out some money.. now help me pay for the beast!" That's rediculous. He's already being amazing and even offering this dream come true... what little girl didn't dream of having their own Friesian? (Okay.. I did.. in this scenario, that's all that counts)
I don't know which one to choose.
How can I be so selfish to even consider the Friesian before Denny? I don't know.
I don't know if I'd be able to board 2 horses, even with a huge raise by moving to a new company... I have other financial "wants" (better housing arrangement, for instance... before I go crazy in this small place on the ground floor) before boarding 2 horses.
Secondly, Denny has been injured twice since I bought him, and they have left scars (small on front leg, will be largeish on hind) on 2 legs. He's an OTTB, coming 8 years old. Super sweet, super quiet for a TB. Don't know how marketable those are at the moment.

Please tell me if I'm being selfish. Please tell me your honest thoughts. I'm sure I'll sleep on it tonight and be just as lost tomorrow... or maybe not... gah!!!

The lovely images above provided by CVLC Photography
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post #2 of 42 Old 02-11-2009, 03:03 AM
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I think it sounds like you are making up your own mind. Sounds like you know what you really want deep down. From a personal stand point, I couldn't sell my horse, but I know it is something that people do often and for most it is not a big deal. I think you have already done wonders for Denny.....could he be as happy in a new home...i dont know.

From a business stand point, it would seem wise to sell Denny and buy the Friesian. They will cost a bit more due to bigger size. As a future investment it would be better (no prior injuries, more "valuable") to get the Friesian.

That's a tough one. I guess it all comes down to how attached to Denny are you?
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post #3 of 42 Old 02-11-2009, 04:42 AM
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I agree, you know deep down what you really want.

However, how much of a sure thing is this big increase in money?

You said you have other financial wants, well you will have to prioritise your wants. Needs, is one thing, but wants ? What do you want more?

I know you love Denny, but without a doubt, if you sold him to an approved home he would be happy in his new environment and the new owner would be just as excited and love him as you have. Just ask a realistic price in order to get him the best home.

From my point of view (and makes it a little difficult financially) I would like to find a horse that suited me before I sold the one I already had. Sometimes, it's not that easy to find THE one, no matter what the breed.

Anyway, good luck with your decision and it will all fall into place for you if it is meant to be.

Only As Old As You Feel - Sometimes I Feel VERY Old
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post #4 of 42 Old 02-11-2009, 12:35 PM
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Could you find a place to lease Denny to for lessons? Or find someone you trust to lease him? That way you would still own him, and could take him back when your financial situation gets better.
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post #5 of 42 Old 02-11-2009, 01:39 PM
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Personally, I think you might be sorry to not see how far you and Denny could go. You have been doing great with him so far and I think he really needs someone to train him into a dependable riding horse and even showhorse. It's a big commitment to take on an OTTB and train him into a really good horse... but I think its worth it in the end. I guess you could always train the Friesian, if you buy a younger one. I don't know... I would never be able to sell my horse... even for a gorgeous Friesian. Does Denny have your heart? Because if he does, and if you have an amazing bond with him, don't sacrifice that for something that's gorgeous. I think an amazing bond with a horse overrides mostly everything. You kind of rescued him (seeing the before and after pics of him) and were really excited about "transforming" him, so to speak. I'm not sure that you would have the same result with the Friesian in that you wouldn't have to work as hard to make him/her beautiful. With Denny, he's a little rough around the edges but he's gonna do it! I think you'll be rewarded with that. That is just my personal opinion -- I know it wasn't very objective.

Good luck in deciding.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future'" ~ Jeremiah 29:11

Last edited by Jubilee Rose; 02-11-2009 at 03:21 PM.
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post #6 of 42 Old 02-11-2009, 02:36 PM
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OK.......flat out honest opinion.... *zips up flame suit*

1) you may have paid too much for Denny from the get go, I don't think that's a secret but he made you happy so that's not really the point, my point is that you may not get all your money back out of him if/when you decide to sell him.

to me that's a calculated may or may not have known from the get go. it happens when we want something really really bad... like my hubby's saddle that he paid too much for, he'll never get all his money back...oh well, it made him happy.

2) if you and your dad want to work something out to purchase the horse of your dreams.......then do it! It's not OUR position to tell you what's right and wrong. Why would you be being selfish to sell the horse that injures himself on air that you have been 100% dedicated to??? You haven't short changed Denny in ANY way. You have simply changed your focus. Nothing wrong with that.

3) if you think your being selfish because daddy's helping you....DON'T. It's none of our business how you acquire your horse. Furthermore, your dad sounds like a smart cookie, buying the dream horse while the market is in the crapper is a SMART move!!! (Don't forget the market tanked in the 80's too and came back)

4) life is about being happy. You did fantastic things with Maia, you have resurrected a skinny, ottb, and mended his injuries with the best care. Now you have a decision to make...this is all about YOUR dreams and what YOU want from YOUR horse...Do you want to train, do you want to ride, do you want to show, what's going to be the best horse for your dreams????

Sure every horse nut dreams of their own personal black beauty waiting there to ride you into adventure and glory...but YOU have to choose what mount you will be taking.

Am I even making sense??? I'm just saying, if you want it go for it. BUT, you have to consider whether or not a Frisian will be able to keep up with your ambition.

Good Luck Allie!!! You are a smart'll do the right thing for you!!!

Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Don't be afraid or discouraged by the size of the task, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.

1 Chronicles 28:20

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post #7 of 42 Old 02-11-2009, 02:41 PM
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What was your original plan with Denny? Can you do the same thing with the Fresian?

What are your long term goals with any horse you may own?
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post #8 of 42 Old 02-11-2009, 02:46 PM
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This is the exact problem i went through, so i'll tell you everything i went through.
It seems that you're trying to make the smart move, but either way could be the "smart move to make". My old pony Secret, she was the GREATEST pony that i've ever known. I had got an offer from a man a few years ago at a show with a blank check. . . . a BLANK check asking for any price i'd ask him for to sell Secret, his daughter was looking for a dressage pony and Seek had the movements, had everything a dressage pony wanted. I said no. But a year later. . . she came up lame. WIth some mysterious leg problem that even the TOP vets where i live, couldnt figure out what was wrong. And well, two years later. . . still lame. I've spent out of my own pocket HUNDREDS and hundreds of dollars trying to fix her. I didnt want to sell her, she was my dream pony. We were a team. . but money got tight. . . and i sold her to a friend in Tennessee where she's a brood mare now and is making gorgeous babies. Yes, it sounds mean, but sometimes i wish i could have sold her, not knowing about the injuries back then but just that she could have made someone like myself VERY happy. . . My dad, was also my right hand man. He was there ever since day one when i started riding. He took care of my pony, everything, and he also taught myself to be economical for myself. He didnt pay for much, at all. And its taught me EVERYTHING, i've matured alot because of that. . .

and it hurt to sell my pony. I miss her everyday. . . But now, i have the greatest, most bold horse. He's an OTTB and of course i dont want to sound selfish and move Secret out of my life, but i needed to "move on" and try other things. Now, i'm jumping more, and ive found my right place in the Equine world, i guess you could say.

You're not being selfish, to yourself or to Denny. Its whats right for you. Maybe just wait a little bit and see how things go. Maybe you dont sell Denny, but realize that if you want to keep with the Horses, its hard to have a horse with leg/feet problems. . its like somethings always going to be there after one thing happens. . . Do whats best for you. And of course the economy doesnt help. Its horrible right now, but if that Friesan is the right horse for you, maybe things will work out.

i hope this helped!
i know how you're feeling. . .

`95 adopted thoroughbred gelding
my entire worrrld;
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post #9 of 42 Old 02-11-2009, 07:53 PM Thread Starter
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Wow, thank you all so much for the advice.

Yes, I definitely overpaid for Denny - but he grabbed my heart from the first minute I saw him. *sigh*.
But... this Friesian thing has been my DREAM for years and years and years.
As for what I want to do with each horse:
Denny - once he's healed and not lame (his feet got trimmed too short, stupid farrier!) I will get him going well on the flat and hopefully get him jumping 3' hunters, maybe 3'6" if he can. Of course he'll have basic dressage.
Friesian - Dressage, as far as he could go.. I am not looking for a national champ, I don't care if he can't get past 1st level. Some jumping, again, I'm not fussed about how high, just to get his mind and body crosstrained. Trick training, and hacks. If he/she is to be a breeding animal at some point, of course s/he'll be shown and trained up to the highest s/he can go.

As I see it, I have a few options:
1) Keep Denny
2) Lease out Denny
3) Sell Denny
4) Find a place to keep Denny that won't break the bank


The lovely images above provided by CVLC Photography
JustDressageIt is offline  
post #10 of 42 Old 02-11-2009, 08:56 PM
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Personally I have found Friesians to be more of a horse de jour and just as we all went goo eyed over the arab or the coloured TB or __________(put whatever breed that took your heart) I see too many going for breeds that have an exoticness about them.

I am a practical person and will select the horse that fits what I want to do not because it is a Canadian or an Arab or a Friesian or Warmblood. Do not let yourself be caught up in a breed simply because you like the breed when it may not be suitable for what you really want to do as far as any specific riding discipline. The Friesians are not the most suited for dressage and many are feeling disappointed after thinking they have their next dressage horse.
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