Need Advice - What would you do?

       The Horse Forum > Keeping and Caring for Horses > Horse Talk

Need Advice - What would you do?

This is a discussion on Need Advice - What would you do? within the Horse Talk forums, part of the Keeping and Caring for Horses category

LinkBack Thread Tools
    10-16-2010, 03:58 PM
Need Advice - What would you do?

Any advice welcome..even if you don't agree!

I board at a private farm. Just my two horses, and one other persons horse. It is a complete self-care facility.

This person I board with asked me if I would start feeding her horse in the mornings, that way they only have to come out once a day. I was caught off guard and agreed to it. It's just one horse, how difficult can that be? It's not! So, I have been doing this.

Well, I was on facebook this morning, and I see she is making rude comments about me, my horses, and my husband.

I feel like leaving a note telling her I won't be feeding her horse anymore, if she wants to pay me something to do so -Id be willing to feed her horse, but I won't be doing it as a favor anymore.

What do you think?
Sponsored Links
    10-16-2010, 04:01 PM
Got to love facbook... I would blow it off be the bigger person, get her horse to like you more than her haha
    10-16-2010, 04:49 PM
I definitely would not be feeding her horse for free anymore. I wouldn't leave a note though - call her and tell her that you can no longer do it. Does she own the place? If not, tell her outright why you refuse to do it and that you do not owe her any favours if she is going to treat to that way. Offer to do it in exchange for pay, as that is only fair anyways.
    10-16-2010, 04:54 PM
Be up front and tell her you didn't appreciate the comments and will no longer be willing to do her the favor without compensation.
    10-16-2010, 06:43 PM
Thanks all for your advice, I would like to "be better than that" - I've been that my whole life, and at times you get walked upon, and they never realize who/what they really are. BUT, yes I agree with you.. I say the same thing and try to live by the same rule.

It's just, I have done so much..... in this barn. The tack room was a disaster, no room for anything, I went in and cleaned it all out, hung some hooks, etc etc... all on my own dime. Then she comes in and takes my things off some of the hooks and hangs her stuff on them. Same with the 2 saddle stands.

Then she has the nerve to say these things to her "friends". I just don't want to deal with it anymore, why should she only have to come once a day.. maybe I only want to come once a day, if I thought someone would feed my horses, there may be days that would be nice! ... Though I go sometimes 4-5-6 times a day because I can't get enough being around my horses :)

Oh and no, she isn't a barn owner - just a renter/boarder like me.

Thanks for reading!!
    10-16-2010, 07:06 PM
Does the barn owner know about all of this stuff? Or is he/she uninvolved?
    10-16-2010, 08:16 PM
Green Broke
It is not fair that you are feeding her horse without anything in return. I used to have an arrangement where one owner would feed my horse in the morning a few days a week and on the other days I would feed theirs.

Facebook thingy - its a "public" place so either she wanted you to find out about what she said or she isn't very intelligent. If she wanted you to find out its probably because she's a mean person, and thinks she can treat you however she likes. If you go with the not very intelligent, then maybe her comments were genuine complaints on her behalf. I'm not saying that she was right, or that she should have posted, but its my opinion everything has a basis in truth. So think about what she said and why.

If I were you I would go onto the post (if its public) on facebook and say "As this is your opinion of me obviously you no longer want me to feed your horse, so as of tomorrow please start feeding your own". Perhaps I would txt her to confirm. Then have nothing to do with her. If she moves your stuff, you move hers, put yours back and leave a post it requesting her not to touch your things. People shouldn't touch your things anyway.

Otherwise call her and say you no longer want to feed her horse in the mornings (don't say you can't).

You may not agree with me hear but its my belief that people treat you how you let them treat you. I live with flatmates and they sometimes call me "scary". I haven't ever done anything to any of them, and I don't yell. The thing is though, I won't let people take advantage of me. One of my flatmates borrows the car of my other flatmate and he runs down the petrol, takes it for hours longer than he says, carts people around in the car. This happens daily - this flatmate has asked me a grand total of once to borrow my car, and he returned it exactly on the dot and put petrol in it.

When I am home, unless he lets us know about a party, he keeps his friends quiet and lets us know if over four or five of them are coming over. The moment I leave on a trip or something he has 20 + people over without asking my other flatmate, is loud, messy etc.

My point is that some people are a little too "soft", and I don't mean to insult you but if you are, people will use you for the rest of your life. I'm a nice person, I help people out, volunteer, but I don't let people use me. Feeding a horse for a friend once a week, or for a few days is fine, but doing something consistently for someone, without them doing anything in return ever, is being used.

Just evaluate your relationships with other people. I hope my advice helped. There are some really mean people out there.
    10-16-2010, 11:46 PM
The barn owner is not aware of me feeding this persons horse. I havent told him yet. Not sure what he would think or say really. Probably not much. He is extremely nice and just goes about things without worry.

Saskia, Thanks for your advice. It is much appreciated. I tend to let people do and ask things of me, without ever getting anything in return. Most times I am fine with it, but something like this..... and while it is very simple to feed the horse. It's like..... Why can't YOU? You were the one who wanted a horse, come take care of it. You know? Ugh. This kind of thing always happens and I hate having to deal with it. Lol

Thanks again for listening!
    10-17-2010, 01:45 AM
Well I would for sure post on her facebook if you can. But I'd be nice (sort of killing w/ kindness) something along the lines of "sorry I didn't realize you felt that way, I thought we got along really well, I guess you'll probably want to find someone else to feed your horse in the mornings". Something along those lines, lets others reading see you've been doing a favor, and makes it look like it's her idea to find someone else. No good way for her to argue (I know I wouldn't want someone I didn't like feeding my horse).

I completely disagree w/ 'being the bigger person' not even completely sure what that means, but sounds like it means letting her walk all over you. If someone burns me, I have no problem burning them back. And I'm generally a really nice person, but like Saskia I'm not going to be used. I don't always only do things when I'm getting something back, I wouldn't mind feeding an extra horse when I feed my own, BUT I expect people to give back what I give them, meaning if the situation is ever reversed I'd expect them to help me to.
    10-17-2010, 04:06 AM
Originally Posted by Carleen    
I definitely would not be feeding her horse for free anymore. I wouldn't leave a note though - call her and tell her that you can no longer do it. Does she own the place? If not, tell her outright why you refuse to do it and that you do not owe her any favours if she is going to treat to that way. Offer to do it in exchange for pay, as that is only fair anyways.
I gotta to agree with this. I'd also come up with a plan for the tackroom of where things should go. Try not to let her get to you too much and don't let her walk all over you!

Quick Reply
Please help keep the Horse Forum enjoyable by reporting rude posts.

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the The Horse Forum forums, you must first register.

Already have a Horse Forum account?
Members are allowed only one account per person at the Horse Forum, so if you've made an account here in the past you'll need to continue using that account. Please do not create a new account or you may lose access to the Horse Forum. If you need help recovering your existing account, please Contact Us. We'll be glad to help!

New to the Horse Forum?
Please choose a username you will be satisfied with using for the duration of your membership at the Horse Forum. We do not change members' usernames upon request because that would make it difficult for everyone to keep track of who is who on the forum. For that reason, please do not incorporate your horse's name into your username so that you are not stuck with a username related to a horse you may no longer have some day, or use any other username you may no longer identify with or care for in the future.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

Old Thread Warning
This thread is more than 90 days old. When a thread is this old, it is often better to start a new thread rather than post to it. However, If you feel you have something of value to add to this particular thread, you can do so by checking the box below before submitting your post.

Thread Tools

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I could use some advice :) LoveStory10 Horse Riding 5 02-01-2010 02:52 PM
I need some advice everyone.. RockyMountainGal Horse Health 24 01-06-2010 11:27 AM
Need Advice To Give Advice browneyedcowgirl13 Horse Training 10 06-06-2008 01:20 AM

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:23 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0