Never rope and emu!

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Never rope and emu!

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  • Horses and emu
  • Rope emu

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    09-30-2011, 01:06 AM
Never rope and emu!

I went shoeing the other day at a little country town nearby for some rodeo friends. 6 brothers that all ride roughstock and live in the same house. This is one of those places that you can show up any time of day or night, and there's always something exciting goin' on.

When I arrived I spotted 2 of the boys converting a Ford Escort into a log-skidder,(by welding a grapple on the back) two others was installing ditch witch trencher tires on the front. One of them was in the front yard trading a coon dog for a Ninetendo, and the other was talking to me when he got a phone call. Seems there was an emu escape in town.

The crew dropped what they were doing and rushed to the truck and took off (these kind of people don't make plans). I decided I'd ride along too, because somebody might get "skint-up".

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    09-30-2011, 01:29 AM
The town is very small and so we only had to go a few blocks to see the commotion. It was like a scene from an Apocoliptic movie. People running and screaming, kids crying, dogs barking, and blood. Seems one of the locals "Chicken Charlie" had a secret illegal underground cock-fighting operation. What happened was, somebody tried to enter up an emu in the contest because the rules didn't say anything about "weight restrictions". Well, a fight ensued and the emu got off his chain and joined in the fun.

By the time we got there, the emu had mauled half a dozen hillbillies and was particularly on a crazy-bird rampage. He was chasing people around yards and terrorizing the neighborhood. There were grown men running and screaming and people throwing hammers, tools, and rocks at the bird, attempting to scare it away. I spotted a large burly redneck man that looked like "Dog the Bounty Hunter" hiding behind our truck because he had peed down both legs of his overalls! Me and the brothers decided to take charge of the situation.

    09-30-2011, 01:54 AM
All we needed was a rope. The oldest boy (they call him "Hunchie") took a 100 foot extension cord out of the truck bed and quickly tied a honda . We had a rope! At that moment I was sure we were going to make the newspaper. I just didn't know yet if it would be on the front page as heroes, or the second page in the obituaries. Hunchie shook out a big loop and swung it a few times to get the feel of his new "lasso". The animal stopped chasing bystanders and froze in the middle of the yard, staring at his new opponent. He looked aggravated. As Hunchie cautiously approached him, the imposing fowl lowered his head and pawed the ground like a mexican fighting bull. He pinned his ears and squinted his beady eyes like Clint Eastwood. With lightning-fast speed, he charged! With heavy steel-toed workboots and carrying 30 lbs. Of extension cord, Hunchie was no match for the quickness of the crazed bird. He was freight-trained like his feet were nailed to the ground. The animal even returned to dance on his noggin like a snake-stomping Mustang.

    09-30-2011, 02:15 AM
As we were running to Hunchie's limp body to help, The youngest boy "Scrappy" flew past us and dove at the beast. He twisted and dove like a hillbilly matador around the angry emu. He distracted the critter long enough for me to grab the rope. I frantically rushed to rebuild a loop. When the quick thinking Scrappy got a couple steps ahead, he made a run for the truck and did an impressive flip dive that would've made Jackie Chan proud, landing on top. While the confused bird stared up in bewilderment at this pesky tatood ninjabilly, I threw my loop with revenge and strangulation on my mind!

There's something about the mechanics of swinging a rope that kicks our brain out of gear. The thought of fun outweighs the risk involved. As soon as that loop drew tight around his long neck, I seen I had made a poor decision.

    09-30-2011, 02:15 AM
LOL! I used to work for a sheriff's dept and in one of the towns in the county there was an emu & ostrich farm. Every now and then one of the birds would escape and generally we could reach the owner to round them up and it wasn't a big deal.

One time though, the owner was out of town and unreachable so the Sergeant for the area decided that since he was a cowboy and had rounded up cows and bulls and such, he'd rope and catch the ostrich. Yeah, right.....Later he said he'd never taken such a a** whuppin' in his whole and entire....said that ostrich kicked harder than any mule or horse he'd ever been around. He didn't walk right for several days.
    09-30-2011, 02:22 AM
Well, yah! The can kill with one kick.
    09-30-2011, 02:26 AM
Originally Posted by tinyliny    
Well, yah! The can kill with one kick.
LOL, he didn't die but he said he was wishin' he WOULD for several days.
    09-30-2011, 02:44 AM
The infuriated emu lunged at me with reckless abandonment! His first strike was a WWE-style flying dropkick. Without hesitation he was on top of me pecking at my eyes with his enormous beak. I grabbed his neck and, using my great farrier grip, tried to choke him out. Although he couldn't git any oxygen, he was doing a proficient job of tearing my clothes off with the claws on his feet. I held a tight grip, knowing if I let go I might not git back ahold again. I guess as panick set in from lack of oxygen, he resorted to what I considered an un-natural bird response........He latched onto my throat like a pit bull on PCP! His surprisingly powerful jaw pressure mashed my throat and I soon began to black-out. As I drifted out of consciousness, I was wondering if this was my final hour on earth.
    09-30-2011, 02:58 AM
When I awoke there was a greasy hillbilly woman in flip flops and a tube-top above me. I sat up and looked around and noticed an emu tied to a big gentle tree. He was snubbed up so tightly he couldn't even bat his eyes. He was in a sitting position with his feet tied together. I slowly got to my feet, and despite having the high-speed wobbles for an hour or so, I was intact. However, my shirt was torn almost completely to pieces in front. And the rest of my attire looked like I fought Freddy Kruger in a phone booth.

We duck taped the emu's mouth closed and checked our hobbles to make sure they were tight. Then we tossed him in the back of the truck and headed back to make some emu jerky.
    09-30-2011, 03:17 AM
Green Broke
Quite the event! LMAO

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