New horse opportunity....but grief still fresh? - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 22 Old 10-02-2012, 01:50 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Indiana
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Question New horse opportunity....but grief still fresh?

I'm currently facing a wonderful offer on the table of a Tennessee Walker/Paint mix. my DREAM horse. Something that I would think only existed in fairytales. Wouldn't happen to me kind of thing.


I've lost two horses in two years. The very first horse I had, the family horse, lived with us for 16 years. I was four years old when we got him and he was SO GENTLE and SO good with kids. I wasn't home when he died and I was/still am pretty beat up about it. I miss him like crazy. It was incredibly hard on my family.

We waited a year before even considering getting another horse. We were tentative, we missed our Joe Baby. We did get another horse, Angel, and she was eight years old. We were so excited and made all these plans for having a horse in the pasture again for the next twenty years or so.
Angel got colic six months later and she died back in April. My dad was in tears, the first time I've ever seen him cry in my entire life. He had told my mom when we had started looking for another horse that he wasn't ready to go through all of it again.
I felt really, really bad because I had pushed to get Angel. I made a promise to myself, a promise that my parents don't know about, that I would not put my family through that heartache again. I had pretty much resigned myself to no horses again.

And then we heard this lady at our library talking about rescuing horses and she had several contacts in the horse world who knew of people selling horses. She's very eager to set me up with another horse, a horse that would match me personally. It's like this baby just fell into our laps....

I would absolutely LOVE to get this paint horse. My pasture and my barn are painfully empty. I visit our State Fair just to visit the horses because I miss the smell of them. I miss having a bright face watching and waiting for me in the morning.

I want this horse. But I don't want the risk of losing another horse.

If you were facing this problem....what would you do?
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post #2 of 22 Old 10-02-2012, 02:17 AM
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Cantley,Quebec
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I understand how hard it is to let another horse into your life but things can happen through no fault of your own. Don't blame yourself for what happened to your horse Angel. Colic can be life theatening no matter what. I think it would be a great thing for you and your family to have another horse to love and care for. There are no sure things in this life but sometimes you just have to put yourself out there and take that chance!
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Paintlover1965 is offline  
post #3 of 22 Old 10-02-2012, 03:37 AM
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Alberta
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I felt the same way, Only I already had a deposit on a horse .

My 4 year old that I has since he was a weanling, was kicked by another horse from next door and his leg was shattered, I had to put him down. I felt so horrible....
This is what my vet said,
" I needed to focus on my new boy that I had a deposit on, and that owning livestock is always a risk. He said no matter what you do your always going lose some" and some will get hurt.
It made me feel better, because at that time i wanted to completly give up on horses. I now have 7 :)
I think you should get your dream horse and also a buddy for him :):) they make you happy more often than not
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post #4 of 22 Old 10-02-2012, 08:40 AM
Join Date: Jul 2011
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If it were me and I was financially able to get another horse....I'd get the horse.

For like 99% of pets, you can own an animal and expect it to outlive you. You walk in knowing that sooner or later you will likely have to set your friend to rest and make a new friend. Just to with the mindset that you will do the best you can by your buddy.

I think having a horse will make you happy. You still seem a little raw over the loss of your horses - and that's okay! It's okay to grieve but you do need to move on eventually. Same with people. You can't have your people relationships ruled by a risk of loss, why let it rule your animal ones? Get a horse and you'll be all the happier!
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post #5 of 22 Old 10-02-2012, 08:48 AM
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: SE Indiana
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There is no gain in life without risk of loss. If the fear of losing something kept me from getting something, having something, loving something....I would have NOTHING. There is always a risk of loss. Heck, we aren't even guaranteed to make it til the end of the day. Life is all about risk of loss. But, it's better to be happy up until that time, instead of being miserable all the time.
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post #6 of 22 Old 10-02-2012, 09:02 AM
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Location: CT USA an English transplant
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I went through a similar experience some years ago - lost two horses one after the other as a result of accidents in the field where it seemed like they should have been safe. I felt just like you do now but then I realised that '**** happens' and it unfortunately happens a lot with horses - I swear they would travel miles to find something to impale themselves on.
Its heartbreaking to lose them but the joy they give you makes up for that and I came to realise that the pleasure I had from both of the two I lost so tragically was greater than the pain and moved on.
If you went through life always expecting the bad to happen you would never get out of bed in the morning so chase this dream and make it happen. Live every day to the full
Good luck
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post #7 of 22 Old 10-02-2012, 09:05 AM
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Central Western NSW, Australia
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It seems to me like this is the horse you were meant to have. The fact that it so much like your dream horse, the fact that this horse matches you personally just seems to reinforce the fact that this is right.

You need to consider also how you will feel if you let this opportunity pass you buy. You have promised yourself not to bring heartache on your family again, but if this is that perfect horse that you are supposed to have, you won't forgive yourself.

Go see the horse. If she really is your perfect match, I think you'll know. I've heard a lot of stories lately of people who met a horse for the first time and there was just something right about it. So far, this horse seems right. Take the final step and see what happens.
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post #8 of 22 Old 10-02-2012, 11:38 AM
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: mid Colorado
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I would also get him!
Yes losing a horse is really bad but this horse will make you and your famliy happy again, to see his head poke out of his stall as you walk down to feed him will feel amazing! Yes something might happen but if you keep up taking good care of him nothing should happen.

I hope well with your disision!

*-._.-*I am bilingual: I speak English and equestrianism!!! *-._.-*
I have just been diagnosed with Horse Crazy syndrom there is no hope for me
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post #9 of 22 Old 10-02-2012, 11:56 AM
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
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The only thing worse than the pain of losing an animal is the emptiness in your life without them.

Go get your paint, live every day like it is the only day that you will have with him, and how ever long or short a time you have together, cherish it.
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post #10 of 22 Old 10-02-2012, 12:10 PM
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: OK
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A wise trainer once told me, "You can wrap them in cotton and bubble wrap and keep them in a padded stall to protect them from injury. The horse will eat the padding and colic and die. You need to not worry so much.". At the time I really didn't believe her. 40 years later, every single word is TRUE!

If you and your family can let the new horse make his/her place in your hearts and love him.....go for it! A new horse showing you how priceless and loving they are can really help with the pain. The old horses always will have their special place in your hearts, but the new one will really fill the rest of the space.
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grief , horses , loss

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