New to site - Kid/Horse Question
Hi, new to site. Joined to brainstorm with others that possibly have had this happen and maybe help me sort this out. I think a bit of history might be appropriate first. Thanks for anyone bearing through this.
I bought my SS a really nice well trained, well bred, papered and sweet APHA mare that had a ton of training and it showed. But very safe.
She did everything, sane, sound, safe and still had the go go he liked. Awesome horse. He was 14, lived with us, courtesy of DCFS removing him from his BM/Stepfather's home. I had issues as the SM, but won't go there, but they were revolving around helping/chores, giving, attitude, etc.
Fast forward. SS hits 16, 17, doesn't take as much interest in horse. Ok, we keep the mare, ride her once in a while, take care of her. He only helps when convenient for him or wants to ride. Like a game, pick it up, put it back down, but not involved in the daily grind of taking care of the herd.
So, at age of 21, I give horse away to super home, along with his twin sister's horse who had already moved out, which was another awesome horse but a bit on the lazy side. We took a bath but the horses went to good caring homes together and they RIDE them and love them! That was most important to us.
I cried. Best horses, not junk. Kept my horse and a foal we had raised (for the kids that never did anything with him as they promised, of course).
Now, we are in process of tuning up my mare (she's good for 95%, just a few minor issues) and starting over/retraining the foal (uh, now 9 years old, but we kept up on ground/respect manners and a few weeks every summer of riding at walk, trot). He's a good boy, just needs time.
We have a trainer coming over 1x a week to critique our work, going good with both horses (that were somewhat neglected for awhile because we had 4 to take care of, work long hours, kids weren't helping). So, we are getting back into the swing of getting back with OUR horses and having this time to spend with them, and as a couple and we are enjoying it again and re-establishing our man/wife relationship without interference and issues.
Ok, between giving his mare away and SS moving out, he asked if he could work the gelding (the foal that was now 7 years old) to get him back where he needed to be. Gelding had 2 months of breaking in at 4, but was still very green. We weren't so sure after the way he ignored HIS horse, but thought, well, ok, give him a chance under our supervision. We did, it didn't work out, he was at times a bit too aggressive, not giving the horse enough consistency or attention, but still expecting miracles and not really believing us, was a bit too impatient and the horse, again, was forgotten as soon as his friends had a weekend party!
Now there is even more to these chore issues, but I'll stick with the horse issues. So he gets mad at horse and says, it'll never work, he's buddy sour with his dam, we're like yeah, so bring her out, tie her off close by, and a little at a time, we'll take her further away, bring her back, etc. Just going to take time. Then we will separate them in pasture. Nope, he didn't want to take the long hard road, wanted to just trade him off for a well trained horse. I'm appalled. He had one that was perfect that he paid very little attention too, that's why we gave her away and took a bath$
He's still not even an advanced rider, although he has great balance, he's not advanced. He still needs to work on that! Oh hell no and we told him so, we would take care of him, and we are as I write this, and he's coming around nicely and is very calm with us.
So, last weekend we get hit up HARD. We are at SD's wedding. She had it at the farm that we gave their horses too, prettier picture than our farmette see...so another sore point, but ok, SS comes up at reception (he doesn't live with us, lives 15 miles away) and says he's going home to get the horse trailer and bringing a horse of theirs (not the ones we gave them!) home to our property to "train". I'm like WHAT? This is a green broke (worse than ours) 5 YO breeding stock paint, she's weak in the hip, weak in the chest, a strong wind would knock her over, pretty, just weak in conformation, I'd call her a grade unbroke green horse...and she BUCKS when taken away from the herd...lovely. I'm like, uh, wait a second here, DH wasn't around. I'm fuming, oh, oh, your well bred, highly trained B/W overo mare that did EVERYTHING willingly and safely wasn't worth your attention, but these people offer you a **** horse and all of a sudden you're interested again, my my my.
I said what's going on here. Well the people we gave our GOOD horses too don't want her anymore, she bucks and have said every time our son rides her she's good with him, uh huh. I'm like whoa here Sparky, slow down.
So, DH waffles, I tell him, I don't WANT that horse on my property! If they think he's soooo good with her, he can ride/train (pardon me, fool around with) on THEIR property and he can HELP them w/chores in trade.
We WILL get stuck with this green bucking horse on our property, feeding it, mucking stalls, grooming and of course working on ground handling, vet, farrier, etc. while SS comes by a few times a week to fool around with it, and it will change the dynamics of what we have going on w/training with the two we have right now. I told DH this, and I told SS, I don't want a monkey wrench thrown into our training w/our 2; also, it will change the herd dynamics, no no and no, to work the horse at their place and not accept ownership of her, just help THEM out if he wants a horse "fix" and if he gets her going, walk, trot, lope, whoa, perfect ground manners, etc., etc. maybe he could bring her her and keep her here (we are 8 miles closer). We want to see commitment first. And what the real kicker is, he really isn't in the position to own/train a horse, he's young, just starting out, has his own place AND he was offered free riding on my mare just to work her at NO expense to him, I do trust him with my mare because she's good and he treats her well and he does like riding her. But noooo, not good enough. I thought it was a win win, I work nights, DH works days, he'd have private time with his Dad.
Ok, I know this is a book, but I'm in a pickle, I want renege on my deal that if he got this horse going (at THEIR place) then we'd consider letting him board her here...now, I don't here at ALL (after having time to digest/think through). My DH will get stuck with all the work, farrier/vet visits, and it will dilute the attention we give to our two, and our relationship too, because he's gonna try and sneak over on the night we have the trainer come to critique our work, and then the attention will be diverted to HIS issues at our expense/time and our horses.
What would you do? I can renege, I have no problem telling him or DH I changed my mind and sticking with hit, my DH knows he's gonna get stuck with the work and he's having 2nd thoughts too, but it is his son, and of course SS would figure we wouldn't charge him board (just feed/vet/farrier) because we are the parents, of course.
I told my DH, this is a WANT not a need, and it's conflicting with our NEEDS right now to get our 2 back where they need to be.
Any good solutions, I just want to say, no aint happening. I did tell him, you had a horse, a good one, and he said, well I made a mistake, and I want to tell him he's about to make another one with this horse, but then you know I'm the evil SM.