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New to site - Kid/Horse Question

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        06-17-2012, 03:33 PM
      #11
    Foal
    Thank you everyone! Sorry for delay, had crash, new computers, and lost all my bookmarks, was able to import this opening email though! Anyway, DH is on same page, it took him awhile to think about it.

    I loved the contract deal! Yes, ethical, direct, to-the-point, no BS. Loved it! TU so much, it was the voice of sanity. I barely could see the forest for the trees, neither could his father :) But now he's figured it out after time thinking about it, I was so relieved.

    Young ladies, TU for your input! I do believe that there MAY be someone he's trying to impress involved, if not the owners, then yes, a gal. And, I agree 100%, horse is daily chore and if he really wants to pursue this latest adventure, there is a nice boarding stable 10 minutes from where he lives with a regulation size indoor arena and trainers on staff!

    DH is going to tell him he doesn't think it's a good idea to have a horse at ALL at this time in his life; but leave the door open to come ride our horses, and/or suggest he go to the barn mentioned above and take professional lessons, safely.

    Too much risk involved here for all involved.

    Ok, but I do have a quick question to the one poster that stated it's easy to cure buddy sourness, PLEASE DO TELL!

    We're trying the fence separation, reunit in arena, back out, back in, keeping mare in sight for now so we can continue training without him going goofy...and he WILL work in dry lot adjacent to pasture with momma separate in arena, but reverse it, put him in arena and momma in dry lot, oh no...different story, go figure. He was weaned, but he did have company, other mares and his mini-gelding playmate...now, all he has IS his momma as company, we just have the 2 now.

    Any advice appreciated!
    He's free to do what he wants, he's an adult, like everyone said, he has other options. I will keep yeah all posted going forward to see what happens.
         
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        06-17-2012, 04:16 PM
      #12
    Trained
    Drawing up contracts mean spit with stepchildren. Gee, wonder how everyone will feel about you when you sell the horse at the auction when the grown up loser/user doesn't fulfill his end? He is not a boy, he is a man, treat him as such. Sorry but I am going to tell you like it is, your stepson is using his father, not horribly, but he is. You now have the time to work with own horses after accommodating the stepkids which they ignored (kinda sounding like spoilt much to me?), and having some couple time as well, now the stepson is wanting to take that away with a whim of being a horse trainer on some nag. Oh yeah, your old man is game for that again. Tell your husband in private your feelings, if he continues to allow the stepson to use him & puts your relationship second, guess you either allow it or not, your choice. Like a contract will solve your problems, sure.
         
        06-17-2012, 06:18 PM
      #13
    Foal
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by waresbear    
    Drawing up contracts mean spit with stepchildren. Gee, wonder how everyone will feel about you when you sell the horse at the auction when the grown up loser/user doesn't fulfill his end? He is not a boy, he is a man, treat him as such. Sorry but I am going to tell you like it is, your stepson is using his father, not horribly, but he is. You now have the time to work with own horses after accommodating the stepkids which they ignored (kinda sounding like spoilt much to me?), and having some couple time as well, now the stepson is wanting to take that away with a whim of being a horse trainer on some nag. Oh yeah, your old man is game for that again. Tell your husband in private your feelings, if he continues to allow the stepson to use him & puts your relationship second, guess you either allow it or not, your choice. Like a contract will solve your problems, sure.
    Totally agree. DH is on same page with me NOW, but it took me revisiting the issue with him for about 30 minutes (I was ready) before he offered to talk to SS and can the deal.

    I was upset at first that he gave the SS a little "out" to even possibly having the horse on the property, so of course I jump in with my laundry list putting "conditions" on that little "out"...and then, after thinking about it more, got mad.

    I'm ok, I honestly didn't know how DH was going to react when I told him that I wanted to renege on agreement with SS (mine, not his). His agreement was open ended, wanted to see commitment, mine was a little more specific (thought that by stalling and putting conditions on, he wouldn't follow through and it would be a non-issue) but after thinking longer, I thought that was a little lame/dishonest of me (emotionally), just tell him the truth, don't really want the horse and attendant issues.

    I don't like reneging on deals, and I feel badly about that, but we were also blindsided (not much time to think it through). DH and I made a deal on that too, next time one of the kids blindsides us, we delay answering until we've slept on it, maybe even a few days!

    BTW: It's 4:00 p.m. On father's day and SS hasn't even called Dad or stopped by. DH has always been a good father, and is by nature, a kind, generous person; although hungry for his kid's approval! Yeah, he threw me under the bus a few times for it...so taking this step means progress.

    Yeah I hear yeah. I know.
         
        06-17-2012, 06:31 PM
      #14
    Trained
    I am glad to hear your hubby finally realized what is important and that is he not doing his son any favors. So sorry his kids didn't even call him on Father's day, but as they get older they will realize how much their dear old dad means to them. These kids don't sound horrible by any means, just caught up in themselves, typical, we have all been like that from time to time in our youth, well at least I have been, lol.
    Now onto your buddy sour green horse.....sometimes you have to remove him from the situation, far away, otherwise they can still smell the other horse and makes it worse. I found by removing each horse from each other for long periods of time & working them intensely, doesn't have to be hard, such as loping like crazy, but maybe work on flexing, sidepassing, going over poles & the like, it gets their mind focused on work rather than missing their buddy, or in your case, his momma. They will always be attached to each other herdwise, but they need to know they have to focus on the job at hand rather than where the other one is. Hope this helps.
         
        06-17-2012, 06:48 PM
      #15
    Yearling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by waresbear    
    Drawing up contracts mean spit with stepchildren. Gee, wonder how everyone will feel about you when you sell the horse at the auction when the grown up loser/user doesn't fulfill his end? He is not a boy, he is a man, treat him as such. Sorry but I am going to tell you like it is, your stepson is using his father, not horribly, but he is. You now have the time to work with own horses after accommodating the stepkids which they ignored (kinda sounding like spoilt much to me?), and having some couple time as well, now the stepson is wanting to take that away with a whim of being a horse trainer on some nag. Oh yeah, your old man is game for that again. Tell your husband in private your feelings, if he continues to allow the stepson to use him & puts your relationship second, guess you either allow it or not, your choice. Like a contract will solve your problems, sure.
    Completely correct. The contract idea was only a means to an end by way of communication. The OP could present the contract to the horse owners and it was going to open dialog about why the contract was necessary.

    Frankly if the daughter's wedding was on this family's property I think the OP owed them the courtesy of notifying them of her concerns and that she won't be held responsible for any negative impacts to the horse because of their decision and her SS.

    The SS would have no respect to any contract. I agree with you on that.
         
        06-17-2012, 07:06 PM
      #16
    Foal
    Waresbear,

    We did separate for 2 months, and it didn't take long upon reuiniting in pasture that, well, here we go again.

    Our idea was separate in pasture during day, at night reunite, so he learns he can be separated, but get united later. We were hoping (yes hoping) then we could take him to arena, same difference, still separate, mare still on property.

    We will try again tonight with working him alone in arena, with mare in pasture, and see how he does, sometimes he's good, sometimes he's bad!

    What's really crazy is, we can free lounge him in drylot (with open access to pasture) and he comes around, doesn't even run off to pasture (it's like a game I swear), with the mare(dam) separate in the arena, not a problem, but reverse it, work him in arena, put her in dry lot, OMG, the world's caving in!

    We can't figure it out, unless he just knows it's work! Where free lounging is just fun I guess...after free lunging, he's a gentlemen, before, snorty, tail up, nah nah nah come get me (we don't, just keep him moving). When he's ready to pay attention, he'll stop his foolishness and look at us, then he does what we ask without even halter/lead, but ONLY in dry lot with dam in arena, switch it up, takes A LOT of time to get him to this point, in arena if Dam is in pasture, now, bring dam to hitching post outside arena, oh, everything is ok now.

    I guess he thinks she's getting something he's not...because he will work out of sight of her, just depends on what "area".
         
        06-17-2012, 08:24 PM
      #17
    Showing
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Just Me    
    Ok, but I do have a quick question to the one poster that stated it's easy to cure buddy sourness, PLEASE DO TELL!

    We're trying the fence separation, reunit in arena, back out, back in, keeping mare in sight for now so we can continue training without him going goofy...and he WILL work in dry lot adjacent to pasture with momma separate in arena, but reverse it, put him in arena and momma in dry lot, oh no...different story, go figure. He was weaned, but he did have company, other mares and his mini-gelding playmate...now, all he has IS his momma as company, we just have the 2 now.

    Any advice appreciated!
    He's free to do what he wants, he's an adult, like everyone said, he has other options. I will keep yeah all posted going forward to see what happens.
    You're welcome!

    That kind of buddy sourness is more related to the mother and foal connection. They don't like to be separated at all but they should learn that it's okay.

    Since this is a at least 6 month old foal, you can't do quite as much as you can with an older horse. Cherie had some great advice, along with yadlim and a few others with young horse experience.
    But I can't seem to find the post.. hopefully she contributes and answers your question.

    But the main idea is you want to teach the little one to pay attention to you and slowly work on being separated more and more so. Bring brushes and groom the horse. Sometimes tying them up high to something sturdy and making them wait it out helps (Cherie has excellent advice for this.. just cannot seem to find it)

    It'll take a lot of patience and consistency. The key thing is staying neutral. Don't change your emotions because horses can read them like books and the LAST thing you want to do is become frustrated or angry with a young one because they'll go into flight mode and it'll be a mess.

    Hope that gave you some insight.
    Ladytrails likes this.
         
        06-17-2012, 08:35 PM
      #18
    Showing
    Well Happy father's day to him! He's a good dad and deserves his day :)
         
        06-18-2012, 12:34 AM
      #19
    Foal
    Never mind... wanders back to the grill....
         
        06-18-2012, 12:48 AM
      #20
    Weanling
    Last I knew 21 they are out of the nest and on their own. You keep bending over for them they are just going to keep walking right over you. The boy needs TOUGH LOVE he needs to get his priorities straight and quit trying to be a "TRAINER" which he clearly is not. Put the foot down and say NO! Be a mom not a friend.

    TRR
         

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