Thanks everyone. Update: SS stopped by unannounced on FD, later, after post, about 5:00 p.m. or so. Did bring a card for dad. Ok, DH was working gelding in arena, mare outside on hitching post, I was giving her a bath, just attention, we weren't riding today, just ground work, and for mare, just attention without work, plus I moved her away from arena slowly while DH was working gelding. That's another story with a happy ending!
Anyway, he chats while I give mare a bath, stands at fence, watches DH, watches gelding...not much talking really, DH was focused on gelding, I was focused on mare, but few words here in there at good times to talk.
About 30 minutes into it, DH says to SS, we need to talk about this horse issue LATER (he's still working gelding, DH had a breakthrough, gelding quit jogging around looking for his DAM and actually focused on DH and walked up to him slowly and asked to join up, gelding did it willingly, on his own, followed DH willingly on his own, walking nicely at DH's side...no halter, no lead rope, gelding whoa'd when asked and stood quietly all on his own, so DH was taking full advantage of this situation and was wiping him down by the gate with wet towel to cool him, give him positive reinforcement and reward his calm behavior) so this is when DH brought up horse subject, just short sentence to SS, let's talk about this horse issue LATER (DH told me later he didn't want discussion riling up his emotions transferring to horse at this critical time that's why he told him LATER, i.e., AFTER he was done working with gelding).
SS ignored Dad's request to talk about it later, and directed his father by stating, well, we can talk about it right now (taking control, disrespecting his father's wishes to talk about it later).
I'm just listening sitting on tack box, I didn't say a word, DH didn't say a word...all quiet...DH continues to wipe down horse (he told me later he didn't want any thing ruining the connection he just made with gelding...plus, he said he wasn't about to answer him).
So, it only took 15 seconds of no response from either of us for him to have a temper tantrum, now he's 23 mind you, so he stated in an angry loud voice, "...the horse isn't coming on the property..." (we hadn't told him this yet)...we still didn't respond, DH keeping gelding calm, I didn't twitch a muscle, no response from us, I didn't even LOOK at him...5 seconds later he storms off to his truck, throws a little, not a lot, but a little gravel as he drives off (he did control his anger to some extent, he could have really thrown the gravel more if he wanted too, but hey it's a 4 banger).
We don't say a whole lot to each other, just looked at each other, he finishes off with gelding, I put tack away, clean up. We sit down and talk, I asked how long before he calls to apologize, we're talking bets. I did have to bring to DH's attention that is was disrespectful and showed controlling behavior when SS ignored his request to talk later, further, SS didn't give his DH a chance to air it all out, just stormed off. Not good, very disrespectful to his father.
So, I'm taking bets on how long before he calls his DH or apologizes for his rude behavior. But, the ISSUE is resolved, and we didn't even tell him, he told us!
And the gelding was a peach the other day with his buddy sour issue, hey when it only takes 30 minutes and he joined up willingly, actually walked to my DH to stand by him, we're making progress! Before he would stand and wait for one of us to walk to him (after about 1 hour); this time, he went to DH...I'm tickled pink!
He even came when my husband asked him too and asked him to take it easy, whoa, he actually listened, granted it was only 3-4 times in an hour, but it only took 30 of that to get him to self-calm on his own, then he had a few more, well I better go check, but 3-4 more times kept coming back for reassurance to DH...and at the end of all of this he followed my DH to gate to pasture and didn't get pushy!
Stood nicely by him while he opened the gate, he was calm and behaved himself at gate (to pasture) opening. That's progress.
Normally, he'd get all excited come gate time and we'd have a challenge on our hands, this time not ONE challenge at gate. When he got pushy in past at gate, we'd drive him back off numerous times until he stood nicely, this time, we didn't have to drive him off at all, 1st time, behaved. Whew!
Not so happy about how SS treated his dad.