Originally Posted by Skyseternalangel View Post
Glad to hear of progress on the gelding, woohoo!
As for your SS.. there is obviously some inner stuff that was bothering him about the horse he's working with. Has DH tried to talk to him about what's going on in his life? Not saying it's appropriate to throw a tantrum like that or talk to DH like that but it's clear to me as a stranger there is something deeper going on that he may need to talk to DH about.
Yes, I do think it's deeper, and I have my suspicions, but they are not positive to a healthy relationship. I think the deeper issue, he threw the horse I got him in my face, I didn't ask you to get me a horse (even though he enjoyed it for awhile)...the horses were their therapy. The horses were a gift from me, an olive branch ok.
Secondly, he wants to try and outdo his Dad, his Dad is working the gelding that HE gave up on, and he's making progress...now SS wants to prove a point to his DH and me that he was "right" about the gelding (get rid of him) by thinking he's gonna show him up (in competition with Dad)..
Thirdly, it will give him a convenient excuse to stop by the house anytime he wants with free in/out access without us around, and without calling first to ask if he can come by, sorry I'm traditional, please announce yourself or intentions before stopping by...you don't live here anymore (same with MY son). Plus I had big issues with stealing money when the skids lived here during their teens years, and just taking other things as well (relocating ok?).
None of the kids have keys to house, we don't have a key to their places and expect to just waltz into and snoop around when they aren't home, and yes, when SS stopped by on father's day, there was an ulterior motive outside of FD, he came to pick up some of his arrows for his bow that he "left" here after he moved out.
So it wasn't just a Hi happy FD, he had other reasons for the drive, and didn't stay long, was getting ready to leave before father said, we need to talk about horse, that's why father said it.
When SS moved out, he destroyed the room he was living in (which DH had fixed up to be his spare room the FIRST time SS moved out but then came back) and he also destroyed the SD's old room that I had cleaned and fixed up storing his "stuff" and "garbage" in it, not to mention cigarette burn holes in carpet that previously had none.
We had to schedule another garbage pick up for all the garbage we removed after he moved out, it was that bad; took 24 hours together, 12 hours each, to get both rooms back together and cleaned, he left this for us when he moved out.
He had moved out before, it lasted 9 months, and came back, jobless, hat in hand, I got him a job, I got him going again. But it wasn't easy.
When he came back first time hat-in-hand, I offered him a basic labor position, not high wages, but seasonal and enough to build up and collect UE in-between while trying to find a permanent job; he flat out told me he wasn't going to be no "broom *itch" ok, he didn't have a job, I did this job when DH and I were tight and had to put food on table, I came home hurting every night...and I was in the position to get him hired on, hey it was $12 an hour, better than minimum wage!
Yet, his attitude was he was too good to do what I did at one time to feed his happy behind and he was jobless. What got him going was me (Not his DH) saying, well I guess that truck just sits until you get a job, because we're not paying the upkeep on it and you can't drive it without insurance. You can work for us here then, or take this job.
DH DID intervene when he heard this, and SS didn't say it nicely and set him straight on that one, and not nicely...and SS did work seasonally for 2 years going on 3 and was getting TOO comfortable with seasonable work and having TOO much fun on his off time (& collecting UE) and not helping us a whole lot, ignoring his horse, etc. playing with his friends, and WAS NOT paying rent (allowing him to save up to get his own place). He just had his food and personal vehicle/phone, personal stuff expenses. Oh there's a long laundry list of past grievances ok? I also found him the job he has right now, I am the one that pushed the permanent.
How many 22 year old's (at that time) do you know own 2 vehicles? He does, and a $1000 saddle too that will take 20 years to break in at this rate...because we allowed him to save, and then he was blowing it on things he didn't NEED, oh guns too and hunting equipment. All the while, I need stuff for the house...let's not go there. The minute I mention paying rent, oh, then he gets the idea, he'll move out before he will pay US rent, oh yeah.
He has some growing up to do and us sheltering him from that will just delay the inevitable. He just told his dad if he wants a management position he has to move out of state for 2 years, and said he didn't want that responsibility right now, he's more of a out and about person, not office person, although he's very smart, ok, fair enough, but if he's even considering it, what happens to horse in 2 years?
Oh, too many issues, just too many. I just want to keep it clean and simple.
His Dad spoiled him, I had to deal with the consequences, now, he's out on his own, and I don't want to deal with the attitude of entitlement or disrespect anymore. I still love him, I still support him when he's going in the right direction, but no more. I see lots of young adults that are much more giving, respectful and aren't nearly as self-centered, this is what I'd like to see grow INTO, personally. He needs to think about these things and if we don't bring them to his attention, someone else will.