Is this normal?
 
 

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Is this normal?

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        11-22-2012, 06:58 PM
      #1
    Yearling
    Is this normal?

    Everything seems to be going in slow motion.. from when the vet was called to now. I felt like I knew Indie for all my life, and I feel like the past twenty four hours have taken forever as well. Ever since the vet looked up and said "I'm sorry", my day has gone by in a blurred manner. I tried going to school and I was so detached from everyone, so I ended up coming home.

    I've also been talking to Indie all day, mostly just in my head up until I went to visit her grave. I keep on breaking down crying at random times at random thoughts. I'm in such a state of denial right now, and at those moments when I start to remember that this is really happening.. I break down crying.

    And when I was at the barn, I just stood in her stall and made the bedding look perfect before hooking the gate and dusting off her blankets.

    Is this normal? I've never lost someone this important to me before.
         
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        11-22-2012, 07:11 PM
      #2
    Started
    First, I am so sorry to hear this. Its normal to be upset by the passing of a companion, particularly when it happens so quickly. There are a few things you can do to ease the pain. I have found that when I have a profound loss it helps if I write a letter. I know that sounds silly and it can be hard to start but I just write everything I feel and will miss out into a letter. You can keep the letter to re-read. Resist the urge to shut yourself in and its good to talk about all those things you will miss. I could still fill a book about all the things I miss about my lost loved ones.
         
        11-22-2012, 07:18 PM
      #3
    Yearling
    I'll try writing a letter. I've tried drawing a picture of her and I've been writing in my member journal constantly.. and although I know it'll take time to get back to my cheerful self, I know Indie wouldn't want me to be down in the dumps.
    Thunderspark likes this.
         
        11-22-2012, 07:30 PM
      #4
    Yearling
    I felt the same way when I had to have my dog put down. Had to leave school because I couldnt stay in the room five minutes without crying. Itll never get easier. What I did was I got something that was his and his alone. I have his dogtag on a necklace that I wear. And I talk to him through it. My friends can always tell when im thinking of him because ill hold the dogtag in my hand. He's always that close to me. Right above my heart.
    Thunderspark likes this.
         
        11-22-2012, 07:34 PM
      #5
    Super Moderator
    Two things have helped me in the face of loss (though I have not lost a horse yet and neither one of these things eases the idea of ever losing Lacey and maybe you've already heard these things): one is a statement/saying by Dr. Suess - "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened" (aka, focus on the good times, write those into your memory with indelible ink and don't focus on her end) and the other idea is that to heal, you have to embrace your grief. Don't push these feelings aside or down because they aren't "logical" or "rational" - give them a voice, let them out.

    I think the things you're feeling are perfectly normal. You're grieving the loss of your best friend = perfectly normal.
    Take a day, do nothing, just watch some stupid TV, read some books, cry if you feel like it, don't push yourself to be "normal" because things aren't "normal" right now. Give yourself time to grieve and honor Indie's memory.
    Sure, she wouldn't want you to be sad but to move on from sadness, you have to grieve fully first. Don't be embarrassed if silly things make you tear up, that's perfectly normal! Just take the time to think about why you're crying (or feeling like crying) and honor it.




    And I don't blame you if you want to punch me in the face right now. I probably would want to punch someone in the face if Lacey had passed and I was told that stuff. But it does help eventually and the pain does eventually lessen.
    Take your time, keep our chin up, you'll be ok.
    rookie and Thunderspark like this.
         
        11-22-2012, 07:34 PM
      #6
    Yearling
    I'm hoping to get a horse hair bracelet or necklace since I had gotten a section of her tail hair. It's just hard knowing that it's my only physical reminder of her, aside from her other tack and supplies.

    I'm relieved that I'm not crazy for continuously talking to her.. I used to talk to her all the time at the barn so it just seems natural and to hope that she can hear me somehow.
    EvilHorseOfDoom likes this.
         
        11-22-2012, 07:35 PM
      #7
    Showing
    Don't force yourself to try and move on. You've lost someone important to you, and grief is a necessary and important way of dealing with her loss. Denying yourself grief isn't healthy, and will only serve to make the emotional distress that much more pressing.

    It's normal to feel some emotional numbness within the first 24-48 hours. That's your brain trying to process the hurt and make sense of it all. One of the next steps will be crushing grief, and there will also be guilt and 'what ifs'. These too will pass, and be replaced with blazing anger at everyone and everything. How DARE the world go on as normal, when nothing will ever be normal again? Why isn't everyone as lost and heartbroken as you?

    These are all stages of grief, and necessary for healing you emotionally. Don't let anyone tell you she was 'just a horse' and that you need to 'get over it'.
    Wallaby, AlexS, Saranda and 1 others like this.
         
        11-22-2012, 07:35 PM
      #8
    Yearling
    And thank you, Wallaby. I never fully expect to just "get over it" but I hope that eventually I can talk about her again without completely breaking down because she was one of the pure joys in my life.
         
        11-22-2012, 07:36 PM
      #9
    Showing
    Don't force yourself to try and move on. You've lost someone important to you, and grief is a necessary and important way of dealing with her loss. Denying yourself grief isn't healthy, and will only serve to make the emotional distress that much more pressing.

    It's normal to feel some emotional numbness within the first 24-48 hours. That's your brain trying to process the hurt and make sense of it all. One of the next steps will be crushing grief, and there will also be guilt and 'what ifs'. These too will pass, and be replaced with blazing anger at everyone and everything. How DARE the world go on as normal, when nothing will ever be normal again? Why isn't everyone as lost and heartbroken as you?

    These are all stages of grief, and necessary for healing you emotionally. Don't let anyone tell you she was 'just a horse' and that you need to 'get over it'.
         
        11-22-2012, 07:38 PM
      #10
    Yearling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Speed Racer    
    Don't force yourself to try and move on. You've lost someone important to you, and grief is a necessary and important way of dealing with her loss. Denying yourself grief isn't healthy, and will only serve to make the emotional distress that much more pressing.

    It's normal to feel some emotional numbness within the first 24-48 hours. That's your brain trying to process the hurt and make sense of it all. One of the next steps will be crushing grief, and there will also be guilt and 'what ifs'. These too will pass, and be replaced with blazing anger at everyone and everything. How DARE the world go on as normal, when nothing will ever be normal again? Why isn't everyone as lost and heartbroken as you?

    These are all stages of grief, and necessary for healing you emotionally. Don't let anyone tell you she was 'just a horse' and that you need to 'get over it'.
    I think I've had little snippets of the stages of grief. I was googling it to reassure myself. I was in a frantic state last night, demanding why God was taking her away from me so soon.. but then I remembered that He is going to take wonderful care of her for me and that only the best die young. I know there was nothing I could have done, but the what ifs still cross my mind.

    She made such an impact on my life in such little time.
         

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