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Is this normal?

This is a discussion on Is this normal? within the Horse Talk forums, part of the Keeping and Caring for Horses category

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        11-22-2012, 07:50 PM
      #11
    Foal
    ((hugs)) You will always remember Indie and her love and memories will stay with you forever. In time the hurt of losing her will lessen and there will remain happy memories
         
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        11-22-2012, 07:53 PM
      #12
    Trained
    Grieving is important it is your personal time of saying goodbye, our 'sophisticated' cultures lack the group rituals of more 'primitive' societies, and we have lost the connection to the importance of this time.

    Grief is personal to all of us, but it is important to go through the process, and then to move on when you are ready. Some people don't get it, "It's just a horse" and other such rubbish, they are the sad ones, because if they have never loved a horse like you loved Indie, then they have missed out on a beautiful experience.

    It is equally important to move on when it is time, you cannot bring her back, but you can celebrate her life by starting to live yours again. I know what it is like to lose one, I lost a little colt who took such a huge part of me with him when he passed, I thought I would never feel joy again, but I did, I mourned him, but gradually I started living again, I will never ever forget him, of the feel of his head pressed against my chest as I begged for his life to be spared, but it was not to be.

    Truly I believe that the only thing worse than the pain that you are feeling now over your loss, is the emptiness that you would have if you had never loved her.
         
        11-22-2012, 07:55 PM
      #13
    Green Broke
    If you can get a nice bracelet or other piece of jewelry made from her hair-that memento may bring you some comfort. It will certainly always be a treasure to you.I loved reading your descriptions of your rides, how you cared for her & what you had planned. This loss was so sudden and unexpected- that is a shock in itself & would knock any of us for a loop. So, write in your journal, talk out loud to her & treasure your memories-she was a lovely mare & know that you did all you could for her. We are all saddened by your loss & many of us have been through it-it is always hard & we know you will feel better eventually but right now it is hard for you to believe that. I am only one of many saying prayers for your relief.
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        11-22-2012, 08:00 PM
      #14
    Yearling
    Thanks everyone, all of your kind words and advice have been helping out a lot.

    I'm still catching myself reading posts in the training forum and thinking, "oh! Something for Indie and I to work on!" She had so much potential, I have zero doubt that she's up in heaven turning heads. Maybe my uncle's colt is there to greet her.

    When my mom told my uncle, he had to pull over because it brought back memories of the yearling colt that he had to shoot because of a broken leg. That was forty years ago, and he had to pull over because he was crying. It just confirmed that it won't ever get easier, but it will be easier to focus on the positives and be able to continue my daily life... even with a bit of my heart missing.
         
        11-22-2012, 09:01 PM
      #15
    Started
    So, random question did Indy by chance have a name plate on her halter or her stall? It might be something you could make into a bracelet. If not you could get a bracelet with her name on it. Its not silly to have these keep sakes. Heck, I have my dogs tags on my keys. I carried a pendent of a horse in my wallet for YEARS after I lost my first horse. I have a stuffed turtle in my car to remind me of my cousin who died 10 years ago. I still cry about that loss every time and again. That's okay, as Raffi the children's songwriter wrote "crying lets the sadness out". Indy wasn't Just anything she was amazing and you should honor that in a way that you feel is correct. Its not about whats normal its about what is right for you.
         
        11-22-2012, 10:17 PM
      #16
    Yearling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jore    
    I'm hoping to get a horse hair bracelet or necklace since I had gotten a section of her tail hair. It's just hard knowing that it's my only physical reminder of her, aside from her other tack and supplies.

    I'm relieved that I'm not crazy for continuously talking to her.. I used to talk to her all the time at the barn so it just seems natural and to hope that she can hear me somehow.
    I am so sorry for your loss of your friend, I have not lost a horse yet but I have lost dogs/cats.....it takes awhile for you to feel normal again......crying and letting it out does help and talk about her.
         
        11-23-2012, 12:29 AM
      #17
    Started
    Perfectly normal. Grieve and mourn the loss of your friend. Do it any way you must. The tears will come unexpectedly. You will feel dazed and confused. It is all okay. You will be okay. It is tough, but you can do it. It will get better, you will feel better, all will be alright again eventually. It takes a lot of time to get used to.
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        11-23-2012, 12:45 AM
      #18
    Banned
    Golden Horse is completely correct, grief is very personal and many people deal with it differently - so stop googling your feelings, and trying to make sure it's normal. How you are feeling is normal, and it's your own.

    About your Uncle and his colt, no it never goes away. Reading this brought tears to my eyes about my dog, he's been gone two years now. I never stop missing him, never stop wishing for just one extra day - but what does change is the RAW pain, that crushing pain where you don't feel like you can do anything, think anything, ... anything - that goes away. They leave a little hole in your heart that can never be filled, but it can be eased by a new hole, that you were never aware of when you get a new animal.

    Sending gentle hugs and a toast to Indy who is grazing in the best pasture waiting for you.
         
        11-23-2012, 07:06 AM
      #19
    Yearling
    Rookie, she did have one. It had just came in a few days before this happened. I had taken a picture of her beside it, after a few tries because she kept trying to poke it with her nose and the corner would poke her so she's back out of the picture. She was a goof, but I was too, so I loved that about her.

    I do still feel really dazed and confused, but at random moments, I just cry because the whole realization that she's gone comes back. It makes me even more scared for when Moses, our family dog passes on.. or Cali. But, there was still just something special about Indie. Maybe it was because I had waited for a horse for eight years and I finally got her. I just hope everyone is right about me taking excellent care of her and that it was the best three months of her life. My instructor said she's really proud of how well I took care of Indie and that she'd let me own/take care of her horses any day of the week. I just wish we had longer together.. we had so much to work on. The more I think of it, the more I realize how 'off' she was before Wednesday. On Tuesday night, she was really girthy and didn't try brushing herself like she always did.. I'd start going up and down on her face with the curry mitt and if I'd stop, she'd always start rubbing her head on it herself.

    I slept with her cooler on my bed last night as a blanket and asked her to help me get to sleep easier. I talked to her for about fifteen minutes before going to bed. I almost started crying a few times, but somehow, I managed to get to bed.

    I didn't end up going to school today.. but I'm going to see if Mackenzie will bring some of my stuff home for me today. Maybe I'll take all my work up to Indie's grave and do it there.
         
        11-23-2012, 08:10 AM
      #20
    Showing
    Oh Jore, I am so so sorry for your loss. What you are going through and feeling is absolutely normal. Losing those we love is hard and it hurts down to the deepest part of us. I won't tell you it will go away, it never will. It will get easier though. Eventually the pain and fresh bad memories will be replaced with a bit of longing and remembering the good times.

    Any time I read of another's loss it brings memories flooding back of those that I have lost. It never truly goes away. You'll find so many little things that will remind you of a moment, a sound, a smell that can take you right back to times with her. I am sitting here typing through my tears with vivid memories of those I've loved and lost. My heart horse has been gone for almost 20 years and I still shed a few tears when I ride past her grave marker in our woods.

    Rest in peace sweet Indie.

    Somewhere...somewhere in time's own space
    There must be some sweet pastured place
    Where creeks sing on and tall trees grow
    Some Paradise where horses go.
    For by the love that guides my pen
    I know great horses live again.

    -Stanley Harrison
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