Owners with no clue. rantish - Page 2 - The Horse Forum

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post #11 of 103 Old 05-30-2012, 08:50 AM
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Oh and keep all reciepts of any costs to you. Send her certified mail on money owed etc etc. Covers your butt

TRR
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post #12 of 103 Old 05-30-2012, 09:59 AM Thread Starter
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I know I'm being used and manipulated. I've taken a lot onto my plate and just didn't have the energy or time to keep this from becoming a problem (I should have made the time and had contracts and boundaries in place, but that's my fault and hindsight is 20/20) the horses aren't on my property, so a lien on them would not be legal, even though she's technically abandoning them. She wants to keep the colt as a pasture puff til she can ship him. (They sat here for nearly a year before she moved down and started working them, I don't think he'll be moving soon) if the mare doesn't sell before the girl leaves, I'm going to drop her price and change her add and send her on her way. I think it'll be easier to just cut my losses, be rid of the problem and move on.
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post #13 of 103 Old 05-30-2012, 10:31 AM
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I seriously don't understand, the horse isnt on your property why worry about any of it. You are ALLOWING YOURSELF to be a doormat. You need to learn the difference between helping someone with THEIR problems, and allowing someone elses problem become yours. You just need to stop.
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post #14 of 103 Old 05-30-2012, 10:55 AM
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Originally Posted by Joe4d View Post
I seriously don't understand, the horse isnt on your property why worry about any of it. You are ALLOWING YOURSELF to be a doormat. You need to learn the difference between helping someone with THEIR problems, and allowing someone elses problem become yours. You just need to stop.
Agreed. If you are a trainer, as you stated, you have a reputation to look after. Helping a horse, that by your own admission, is aggressive, kicks, bites so badly it has removed 2 inches of flesh from someone, can't be caught, wormed, trimmed or haltered....FOR NOTHING is not a very smart business move. Who are you going to sell this horse to? Would you want to put your name to it?

You have been had. I'm sorry that you're in this situation but you should have put your foot down a long time ago. As for what to do now, well, good luck with the training process, hopefully she comes round. If not, a dangerous horse like that may well have to be PTS. It's sad because it isn't the horse's fault but a well placed kick will kill a person, especially if the horse means business when they take aim.
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post #15 of 103 Old 05-30-2012, 11:44 AM Thread Starter
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This owner is a friend before she's a client, which is why I've been dealing with this at all. Also, maybe its daydreaming but this mare does have potential. When handled correctly, and properly desensitized, she'd be a wonderful little gaming pony. She's only dangerous because this girl is inexperienced and the horse is intelligent. She bites because she knows she'll be left alone. Kicks because she doesn't understand what's being asked. She's aggressive when you get aggressive first. The horse would be a danger to others as the girl is LYING to people who would potentially try to handle her. When handled properly, with the correct attitude and approach, she's willing to work with you, but not for you.

As I've said, if she's going to continue to advertise the horse as green broke, safe to handle etc, my name will not be attached. Once the care of the horse is passed over to me (as is my obligation to my friend, her barn owner AND the horse) I will sell her to someone for WHAT SHE IS. An unbroke, half wild, mare with great potential. There are buyers out there who would thoroughly enjoy this mare, as I did when I worked with her.
As I also said, I know I've been used and walked on. Such is the sacrifice some of us must make when trying to keep friends, or do right by an animal. I see this much the same as buying a horse from a kill pen. Pay double what the killer paid to save it- is equal to- give up a little time and effort so she has a good home.
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post #16 of 103 Old 05-30-2012, 12:34 PM
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I still don't get how it's your responsibility...
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post #17 of 103 Old 05-30-2012, 01:00 PM
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Ouch. Went through something close to that very recently myself. Helped a friend try to bring a horse she knew was dangerous along. The mare got worse and worse because my friend wouldn't be CONSISTENT because she felt the mare had "emotional trauma". It was okay if the mare was violent, because her feelings were hurt. The horse ended up shattering my friend's ankle and knocking her out cold, and because no one else in her family could get near the horse. (You couldn't even dump feed over the pen without being charged) She decided to sell it. Put an add up for a "beautiful well broke mare with good ground manners."
When the first person (A grandma, looking for a KID'S horse) came to look at the mare, my friend called me and asked me to show her (She couldn't walk to the bathroom without help yet). I love my friend, but I don't want my reputation ruined or someone's child hurt (the mare was GORGEOUS and people didn't listen to the "she's dangerous" part whether it was mentioned or not). I told my friend that while I valued her friendship, I couldn't help her. She was mad, but she didn't get a say in the matter.
The mare ended up going to an outfitter in Canada and after a stint as a pack horse, has a quite different opinion of things. It was the best way really. My friend gets to look at me and say "see, I TOLD you that was a good horse!" and I didn't feel like I caused anyone else pain.
If I were you, I wouldn't get any more involved than what you already are. But, friendship is a tricky thing to maneuver.
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post #18 of 103 Old 05-30-2012, 01:13 PM
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Yes she's your friend but it's called tough love. This is completely her fault and if you bail her out she won't learn and she could do it again, expecting you to help her. Just tell her as much as you want to you simply annoy help her out here. If you still feel obligated to help do so ON YOUR TERMS tell her she has to do things your way, make her promise to only ride when you are there and if she tries to do it her way again then have nothing to do with the horse.
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post #19 of 103 Old 05-30-2012, 01:23 PM
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Hey,
So, you are in a bad situation. The things you have to ask are if trained will this horse be safe with another inexperienced rider? Do you have time/energy and resources to retrain it? If its not safe for an inexperienced rider are you willing to hold on to it for an extended period of time if a suitable home cannot be found? If this horse is as unsafe as you say is its potential worth all the drama and energy you will put into it?
I guess I come at it with the idea that the world is full of nice horses that need homes. Some horses are psychopaths, not many but some. So, every time you "save" a snotty horse you send a sweet one to slaughter. In which case, you have to ask yourself is it worth it? Yes, they may be able to be turned around with time/energy/love and daisies but with the horse population we have we have to triage horses and resources. I say this as someone with a yard full of horses that would otherwise end up on a one way trip to Canada or Mexico. We brought them into the world and we be there when they are taken out.
I would also try leaning on your friend a little. If you said that if the horses were left in your care due to their poor manners they would be euthanized would she take them with her up north? I would be that if she thought they were going to be euthanized she would find a spot for them pretty quick. I would also assume that if she leaves the state without those horses she is not coming back for them and they are not going with her.
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post #20 of 103 Old 05-30-2012, 02:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnalisaParalyzer View Post
This owner is a friend before she's a client, which is why I've been dealing with this at all.
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Your definition of friendship and mine are very different. This person, in my eyes, ceased to be a 'friend' a long time ago and started to become a parasite.

I wouldn't let some idealistic notion of friendship cloud your judgement on this one, it's your safety, finances and reputation that are at stake. But hey, do what you want.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnalisaParalyzer View Post
As I also said, I know I've been used and walked on. Such is the sacrifice some of us must make when trying to keep friends, or do right by an animal. I see this much the same as buying a horse from a kill pen. Pay double what the killer paid to save it- is equal to- give up a little time and effort so she has a good home.
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This is going to come across incredibly harsh, but you really need to smarten up. You know you've been used and yet you continue to offer more and more.

Also, somewhat unrelated but interesting, why would you pay double what the kill buyer paid? If you really wanted to do a good deed, be smart about it: Go to the auction and outbid the dealer. Only takes an additional dollar to outbid a dealer at an auction, offering to pay double after the fact is silly.

I am sure that you are a good person with good intentions, and for that you are to be commended. Perhaps learn from this and remember to look after yourself first, cos no-one else will.

All horses deserve, at least once in their lives, to be loved by a little girl.
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