Passive-Aggressive BO - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 8 Old 08-13-2010, 11:37 PM Thread Starter
Green Broke
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,246
• Horses: 2
Passive-Aggressive BO

I need some advice from that wise and unbiased HF-ers. Lately, there has been a little drama llama residing at the barn, and I don't know what to do about it.

My friends and I work at the barn as helpers and exercise riders. We work long and hard (especially the head trainer and her boyfriend), and the BO doesn't seem overly grateful for our help. All four of us (the barn helpers) have worked all summer and haven't heard a thing about being paid. (Aside from the head trainer, who isn't afraid to ask to BO about this stuff.) We are always out there and put in a lot of overtime. Basically, we work out tails off and she doesn't think of us as valuable. I'm generally okay with that. I'm a complete pacifist. I just go with it. Until--

Until today.

The head trainer, the other barn hand, and I all decided to go on a trail ride. The BO said we can ride whenever we want, and those horses were just sitting and getting fat and lazy. They needed exercise anyway; might as well have some fun with it.

I will note here that the head trainer is an expert rider, and the other barn hand (Alice) and I are probably high beginner and intermediate, respectively. We aren't idiots and we don't ruin the horses we ride. Alice was on the BO's Walking Horse, and I was on a three-year-old Rocky Mountain. <---- Looking back on that, I can kind of see why the BO would be concerned. I could handle him, but some people don't like intermediates on their three-year-olds, even with experts on stand by.

We got back about an hour later, and, to my surprise, the BO was there. This is where the drama llama rears its head. I will now call BS on three of the BO's statements:

Firstly, she said she was there to ride her Walker (whom Alice had just ridden). This, though not impossible, is extremely unlikely for the following reasons: A.) For the seven years I've known her, she's never ridden alone. EVER. B.) It was four in the afternoon and she hates the heat. C.) Minutes later, she mencioned she had a funeral at six. How would she have found time to ride and get ready for the funeral?

Second, she tries to guilt the head trainer. She asks the trainer if she had washed off the Rocky Mountain I was riding when she had done some work with him day before (maybe trying to catch her in a lie?). The trainer said she didn't, which is true. The BO then tried to make her feel bad, saying that she could be the sweat where the pad had been. The horse wasn't wearing a pad yesterday. He had been ridden bareback. No pad mark.

The third, and worst of all--

The trainer was giving me a ride home, and the BO calls and tells her (the trainer) that the Walker's cornary band had a gash in it and she was being put in a stall.


Coranary band? First, that is a serious injury. Does she think we're idiots? We saw no blood, and the Walker was NOT lame. She was walking perfectly. The trainer was so pissed that she went back later that night and found the Walker in her paddock. There was no gash. There was a tiny, half healed scrape.

What in the world? What in the WORLD?!

We have concluded that the BO is passive-agressively hating us. Why? We think it's because the head trainer can no longer teach lessons and refused to buy the BO's horse. Alice and I are being hated for... Well. I'm not sure.

Brighteyes is offline  
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post #2 of 8 Old 08-14-2010, 12:29 AM
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: West Central Illinois
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Well, if you are employed by the BO, I'd stop putting in overtime, and just to my 9 to 5 schedule. If you just started riding horses there and assumed you would be paid, I would not expect a check.

I would just shut my mouth and do as I was told. This BO sounds like shes got her panties in a bunch for no solid reason. I guess just wait it out, and maybe she will lose her grudge. But if she still has come next summer, I'd just say I was done, and move my horse to another stable.

Imo, an intermediate rider on a 3 year old isn't bad, it just depends on the horse and the rider. I myself am an advanced beginner and I ride a coming 4 year old on the occasion.
A knack for horses is offline  
post #3 of 8 Old 08-14-2010, 02:30 PM
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: British Columbia, Canada
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When you started working for her, did she say she was going to pay you?

As for your little drama queen, I would just wait it out. Don't fuel her fire, and don't give her attitude about it - she is the BO after all. I'd just let the Trainer deal with her.
Carleen is offline  
post #4 of 8 Old 08-14-2010, 02:44 PM
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Western Mass
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Erm, did she ever say she was gonna pay you for your services? Otherwise she probably just thinks you're volunteering your time..
Mickey4793 is offline  
post #5 of 8 Old 08-14-2010, 02:50 PM
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Pennsylvania
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My BO has similar issues. I am not paid to ride her horses...infact up until a few weeks ago I actually paid to board my horse there an still helped with barn work. Thats just me though. I cant sit still.

My BO is very sensitive. She doesnt come across like that but if the same situation would have happened to her...she would have been upset. I can kinda see why. If they were my horses and I barely had time to ride and got to the barn to find that you all went out on a trail ride and didn't invite me...I probably would have gotten a bit snippy. If she is paying to feed, vet and shoe those horse, she should have first dibs on anyone she wants to take.

My friend at the barn consitantly rides the BO's haflinger. He doesnt even know the BO. She put lots of time into him and rode him daily. Took him to fun shows and out on trails. BO wanted to go to a local obstacle challenge. The hafliner is the least spooky of her 4 horses. She didn't think twice. She took him and did well. My friend was very upset. I can see it from both sides of the fence. While she put in all the work, the BO had all the benefits. But from the BO's side...and her exact words "I have owned him for 2 years. This is the first time i've really ridden him. In 2 years, I have asked to ride my own horse for 2 days and im catching hell"

Just flip the scenario and see if it changes your perspective a bit
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post #6 of 8 Old 08-14-2010, 03:21 PM Thread Starter
Green Broke
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,246
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It didn't exspect to be paid for trail riding. That part was in reference to my pre-agreed hours working at a camp all summer. It's been a while and I haven't seen a cent of it, even though camp is long over.

I'll try my best to wait it out, but... It's just one of those completely unfair things that I'm having a hard time waiting to change. I'll try to keep my cool. The BO has had these little attitude problems for about two years; they just recently got this bad. I can't read people well at all, and even I can tell she's being snippy with all her helpers. I wouldn't mine going out there and working my tail off for nothing if I felt like she valued my help. If she thanked me or something, I would have worked the whole summer free.
Brighteyes is offline  
post #7 of 8 Old 08-14-2010, 04:19 PM
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Western Mass
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She sounds like she probably thinks you forgot about your pay [because you haven't spoken up about it] so she's taking advantage and not paying you. Be assertive, approach her, and ask her where your pay is.
Mickey4793 is offline  
post #8 of 8 Old 08-15-2010, 04:36 PM
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Ontario
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Be careful, and tread lightly.
In the future, make sure you are paid right away after you do a job. (I am talking about the horse camp you worked there.)
I will assume that now the situation is that you are working there in exchange for free riding. Remember that it is her barn, and even if she is being unreasonable, if you are not officially hired you don't really have any rights. When I worked as a trail guide, there was no shortage of girls who would give anything to be able to work for riding priviliges. So if she doesn't like having you around, believe me, she can find someone else.
I have been in your position before. That is how I came to be a trail guide, by volunteering my time and Hard work in exchange for riding.
So it is easy to feel like the place is your own, but it is not. Don't jeoprodize your opportunity, keep in good with the BO. Talk to her specifically about what horses it is ok for you to ride, how often, at what times, etc. Consider yourself lucky, and just try to bite your tongue and ignore the drama. Maybe even thank the BO!
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